My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.


Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.


"Hi.I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."


"You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message."


Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.


"You have reached the number that you have dialed, but I
have made some changes in my life. Leave a message and if
I dont call you back then your one of them."


"Look, I've had a really bad day.  Yesterday too.  And tomorrow doesn't look nearly as good.  But, uh, if you want, go ahead and say a few words after the gunshot."


"Would you say something?  I can't read minds."


"Hi.  I'm screening my calls right now because there are some people I don't want to talk to.  So, leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you as long as you're not one of them."


Hi, we have everything we need and we spent all of our money getting it,
so if you need money you'd better call someone else.


Hi, you've reached 123 4567.  you know what to do, and you know when to
do it!


A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.


Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.


(From Japanese friend) He-lo! This is Sa-to, If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave "sexy" message, I call sooner!


Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right....real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.


I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you'relistening to it...I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.


Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll...don't even think about it!....Don't....!

The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.


Andy Warhol said that one day everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Well, your 15 minutes was last week, but since you weren't ready, we gave it to Vanna White. Sorry.


Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I die before I wake, Remember to erase the tape.


These words are lovely dark and deep But I've got promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep So leave a message at the beep.


Hey sugar, you call this number often? I bet you have answering machines bothering you all the time... Yes indeedy. Why don't you give me a call sometime and we can listen to some old recordings... I might even play my beep for you.


I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number,I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.


Hi there. This is Joe speaking. I'm home right now, and in a moment, I'll have a decision to make. Leave your name and number and I'll be thinking about it...


I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.


(Very fast:) Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP


You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...