1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.



2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.



3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am...
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me.



4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go...
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.



5. Someday I hope to marry...
(Inside card) - Someone other than you.



6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!



7.. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.



8. We've been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?



9. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.



10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?



11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.



12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really special for your birthday...
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.



13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Arkansas, Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia.)



14. Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...
(Inside card) - What was I thinking?



15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.