Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
'Cause it doesn't need cleaning yet.
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.
How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
Phone her.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Tell a woman
What's the difference between your wife and your job?
After 10 years the job still sucks.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.