This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.
Messages - ravi_sandhu
Pages: 1 ... 21 22 23 24 25 [26] 27
501
« on: October 30, 2007, 09:29:33 AM »
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!
502
« on: October 30, 2007, 09:25:37 AM »
A cowboy rides up to a saloon on his horse. He goes in, orders a drink, then leaves. His horse is gone. He goes back to the saloon, and asks, "Where's my horse?"
No one replies. So he says, "I'll order one more drink, and then if my horse isn't outside, I'll have to do what i did in Texas and I don't like doing that."
So the locals hurry around, and when he leaves, his horse is outside.
As the stranger gets on his horse, the bartender asks, "What did you do in Texas?" to which the cowboy replies, "I had to walk home."
503
« on: October 30, 2007, 09:23:26 AM »
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.
When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."
504
« on: October 30, 2007, 09:21:01 AM »
There was an old man sitting on his porch watching the rain fall. Pretty soon the water was coming over the porch and into the house.
The old man was still sitting there when a rescue boat came and the people on board said, "You can't stay here you have to come with us."
The old man replied, "No, God will save me." So the boat left.
A little while later the water was up to the second floor, and another rescue boat came, and again told the old man he had to come with them.
The old man again replied, "God will save me." So the boat left him again.
An hour later the water was up to the roof and a third rescue boat approached the old man, and tried to get him to come with them.
Again the old man refused to leave stating that, "God will save him." So the boat left him again.
Soon after, the man drowns and goes to heaven, and when he sees God he asks him, "Why didn't you save me?"
God replied, "You idiot, I tried. I sent three boats after you!!"
505
« on: October 30, 2007, 09:18:41 AM »
A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers.
The woman says, " Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answered the woman.
"We don't have a maid" , said the woman.
The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the man of the house.
The woman says, "Well, this is his wife. Is he there?"
The maid replied, "he is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife."
The woman is fuming. she says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
The maid says, "What will I have to do?"
The woman tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he's with."
The maid puts the phone down, the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"
The woman says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."
Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here."
A long pause and the woman says, "Is this 555-4821?"
506
« on: October 30, 2007, 09:18:41 AM »
A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers.
The woman says, " Who is this?"
"This is the maid," answered the woman.
"We don't have a maid" , said the woman.
The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the man of the house.
The woman says, "Well, this is his wife. Is he there?"
The maid replied, "he is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife."
The woman is fuming. she says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
The maid says, "What will I have to do?"
The woman tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he's with."
The maid puts the phone down, the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?"
The woman says, "Throw them in the swimming pool."
Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here."
A long pause and the woman says, "Is this 555-4821?"
507
« on: October 30, 2007, 09:16:12 AM »
A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."
508
« on: October 30, 2007, 03:03:17 AM »
Zail Singh & Logic:
Zailsingh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every
thing
except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading , Rajiv came
home.
Rajiv: Jail Singh Ji How is your MBA preparation?
Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv : Logic is very easy.
Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house ?
Zail : YES.
Rajiv: Logically ,there will be water in it.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Zail : YES.
Rajiv: so, Logically, your are married.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv : SO, that means U are a heterosexual.
Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees
Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Zail: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta : Everything is fine except for the logic.
Zail : Oh, logic is easy.
Buta : Please, give me an example.
Zail : Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta : NO, I don't.
Zail : Saala HOMO ....
509
« on: October 30, 2007, 03:00:47 AM »
A tiny racing car was developed by American scientists.
The Americans then sent the car over to Japan to see what the Japanese
could do to better the car.
The Japanese added sport wheels and an aero kit to the car, they than sent
it to the U.K.
The British scientists, to better the car, added a sound system and window
tint. They then sent it over to the Chinese, who
added on a lowered suspension to the tiny car.
The Chinese then sent it over to India. The Indian scientists, looked at
the tiny car, appreciated all the modifications
the other countries had made,
turned it over and stamped a sign on it.... MADE IN INDIA!!!
510
« on: October 30, 2007, 03:00:47 AM »
A tiny racing car was developed by American scientists.
The Americans then sent the car over to Japan to see what the Japanese
could do to better the car.
The Japanese added sport wheels and an aero kit to the car, they than sent
it to the U.K.
The British scientists, to better the car, added a sound system and window
tint. They then sent it over to the Chinese, who
added on a lowered suspension to the tiny car.
The Chinese then sent it over to India. The Indian scientists, looked at
the tiny car, appreciated all the modifications
the other countries had made,
turned it over and stamped a sign on it.... MADE IN INDIA!!!
511
« on: October 30, 2007, 02:56:15 AM »
BEPPO SINGH QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE.
Friend: What are you looking at?
Beppo Singh: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Beppo Singh: four asterisks!
512
« on: October 30, 2007, 02:53:19 AM »
A Dalit goes to the dentist and has a cavity filled. After the work, the Dalit asks how much he owes, and the dentist says, "No, no...I would never charge a poor Chandalla." The Dalit thanks him and leaves.
The next day, when the dentist gets into the office, he finds a basket full of fruits waiting for him.
Then a Muslim mullah visits the dentist and has some work done. Afterwards, he asks the dentist what he owes him, and he says, "Oh, no, of course I wouldn't charge a faithful follower of Allah!" He thanks him and leaves.
The next day, when the dentist arrives in his office, he finds a nice plate of well-cooked biriani [ a Muslim delicacy ] waiting for him.
A Brahmin visits the dentist for a checkup and a filling. When all is done, he asks the dentist what he owes him, and the dentist says, "Oh, no, I would never charge a Brahmin!" The Brahmin thanks the dentist and leaves.
The next day, when the dentist gets to his office, he finds.....four other Brahmins waiting for him!
513
« on: October 30, 2007, 02:48:16 AM »
A rich widower miser went back to India and married a young village girl. The girl did not like his hugging and kissing all the time. He thought of a scheme to teach his wife not to hate his American life style.
He bought a piggy bank and told his wife that every time he kisses or hugs her, he will put a rupee coin in the piggy bank and at the end of month she can open the bank and buy a new saree with the money.
The scheme worked very well. The young wife showed more willingness to be kissed and hugged. At the end of the month he gave her the key and told his wife to open the piggy bank.
What he saw did not please him. There were many 5 and 10 rupee bills along with rupee coins in the box. Where did these come from he demanded angirly. I've been putting only rupee coins. Not everyone is as kanjoos as you replied the wife.
514
« on: October 30, 2007, 02:46:29 AM »
Ik adhami bus te chard reha aa
-te lage kurdiya ah jandiya ne
-Oh kurdiya nu kehnda ke tusi pehlo chard jo mein badh
vich charda aa
-Kurdiya chard jandiya ne te conductor kehnda aa "No
More"
-Soch da aa koi gal ney mein agli bus te chard java ga
-Dujhi bus aundi aa te pher kurdiya ah jandiya ne, te dubara oh kurdiya nu keh denda aa ke tusi pehlo chard jo, es vari vi conductor kehna aa "No More"
-Pher agli bus ley udeekda aa
-Jadho chardan laga aa te pher kurdiya ah janiya ne, te conductor pher ak da aa "No More"
-Haar ke bandha kehnda aa "Sala morniya nu chardayi janda aa, jadh mor de vari aundi aa te kehnda aa NO MORE"
515
« on: October 30, 2007, 02:43:07 AM »
: How do you diable a PAKISTANI missle launcher?
A: You cut the rubber band.
Q: Have u ever seen a PAKISTANI war hero?
A: Neither has PAKISTAN
Q: did u hear about the the latest PAKISTANI invention?
A: the new automatic parachutes. they open on inpact.
Q: how do u sink a PAKISTANI battelship?
A: u put it in water.
Q: did u hear about the 747 that crashed into a cemetry in karachi?
A: the PAKISTANI officials have recovered 3000 bodies so far.
Q: did u hear about the PAKISTANI admiral who at asked to be burried at the sea?
A: 5 PAKISTANI sailors died digging it.
Q: did u hear the shutdown of the karachi national library?
A: somebody stole the book.
Q: ur looked in a room with saddam hussien, adolf hitler & a PAKISTANI. u have a gun with only 2 bullets. what do u do?
A: shoot the PAKISTANI twice to make sure he is dead.
Q: how can u tell when a PAKISTANI is lying?
A: his lips are moving.
Q: did u hear about the terrorist that hijacked a 747 full of PAKISTANIs?
A: he threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
516
« on: October 30, 2007, 02:34:23 AM »
Gunghat mein tujhe dekha to deewanna hua,
Sangeet ka taraana hua, shamaa ka parwana hua,
Masti ka mastaana hua,
Jaise hi gunghat uthaya iss duniya se ravana hua.
517
« on: October 30, 2007, 02:32:51 AM »
Aapke dil me basjayenge SMS ki tarah.,.,
Dil me bajenge RING TONE ki tarah.,.,
Dosti kum nahi hongi BALANCE ki tarah.,.,
Sirf aap busy na rehana NETWORK ki tarah.....
518
« on: October 30, 2007, 02:29:54 AM »
Ansoon tere nikle aur ankhein meri ho
dil tera dhadke aur dhadkane meri ho
khuda kare hamari dosti itni gehri ho
ki naukri tum karo aur salary meri ho?..
519
« on: October 30, 2007, 02:25:48 AM »
Ladki boli:
Chandni chaand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi,
Mohabbat ek se hoti hai, hazaaron se nahi.
Ladka bola :
Chandni agar chaand se hogi to sitaron ka kya hoga,
Mohabbat agar ek se hogi to hazaron ka kya hoga.
520
« on: October 30, 2007, 02:23:00 AM »
Duniya buri ho sakti hae aap nahi Duniya bewafa ho sakti hae aap nahi Duniya gandi ho sakti hae aap nahi Kuttay ki dum sedhi ho sakti hae aap nahi.....
Pages: 1 ... 21 22 23 24 25 [26] 27
|
Show Posts