This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.
Messages - ravi_sandhu
Pages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 6 7 8 ... 27
41
« on: November 06, 2007, 03:03:05 PM »
Tumhari yaadon ke sahare zinda hai hum,
Tumhe dekhne ki chahat,Dil me rakhte hai hum,
Ab Intezaar hai to sirf tumhare aane ka,
Warna kabse jeena chor chuke the hum....
42
« on: November 06, 2007, 07:39:02 AM »
There was a young woman who lived with her grandmother. One night the granddaughter came bouncing down the stairs dressed to go out to a party wearing a see through blouse without a bra. Her grandmother told her to go back up stairs and ?dress decent.?
The young woman said, ?No, I want to show off my rosebuds? and went out the door.
The next day the granddaughter came outside to find her grandmother on the porch wearing the see through blouse without a bra.
?Grandmother!! What are you doing? My boyfriend and a couple of other friends are coming over any time now!? she cried. ?Please go change your blouse, I?m so embarrassed!!?
The older woman replied, ?Well if you can show off your rosebuds then I can show off my hanging baskets.?
43
« on: November 06, 2007, 07:36:24 AM »
Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says, ?Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!?
The mom says, ?The bigger they are, the dumber they are.?
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says,
?Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy?s!?
The mom says, ?The bigger they are, the dumber they are.?
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says,
?Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and
more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!?
44
« on: November 06, 2007, 07:34:34 AM »
2 men died and went up to Heaven.
Man 1: How did you die?
Man 2: I froze to death.
Man 1: Really?!
Man 2: Yeah, it was horrible. Minus 20 degress celsius, frostbite everywhere, d*ck shrivelled up, dead.
Man 1: Shame.
Man 2: Yeah, I know. So how did you die?
Man 1: I had a heart attack.
Man 2: Really? How did that happen?
Man 1: Well, I came home early from work, my wife was in the bedroom, and I could smell cigar smoke. She had a man in with her. I searched all
over the house. The wardrobe, the bathroom, the garage, the attic, but I couldn't find him. I was so frustrated, I had a heart attack and died!
Man 2: You ******! If you looked in the freezer, we'd still be alive!
45
« on: November 06, 2007, 07:32:14 AM »
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. " Hello ? "
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" " Yes."
"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, " No ."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
" Yes," whispered the child, " a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
" No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on t he phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just landed a helicopter"
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle.. " ME."
46
« on: November 06, 2007, 07:30:23 AM »
Four guys were telling stories in a bar. One guy leaves to go to the restroom.
Three guys are left... The first guy says, "I was worried that my son was going
to be a loser because he started out washing cars for a local dealership. Turns
out that he got a break, they made him a salesman, and he sold so many cars that
he bought the dealership. In fact, he's so successful that he just gave his best
friend a new Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy says, "I was worried about my son too because he started out
raking leaves for a realtor. Turns out HE got a break, they made him a
commissioned salesman, and he eventually bought the real estate firm. In fact
he's so successful that he just gave his best friend a new house for his
birthday."
The third guy says, "Yeah, I hear you. MY son started out sweeping floors in a
brokerage firm. Well, HE got a break, they made HIM a broker, and now he owns
the brokerage firm. In fact, he's so rich that he just gave HIS best friend $1
million in stock for his birthday."
The fourth guy comes back from the restroom. The first three explain that they
are telling stories about their kids so he says, "Well, I'm embarrassed to admit
that my son IS a major disappointment. He started out as a hairdresser and is
STILL a hairdresser after 15 years. In fact I just found out that he's gay and
has SEVERAL boyfriends. But I try to look at the bright side; his boyfriends
just bought him a new Mercedes, a new house and $1 million in stock for his
birthday."
47
« on: November 06, 2007, 12:18:27 AM »
YR JAZZ TU V PUNJABI AA MAIN V PUNJABI AA TAINU PATA HONA EE KI PUNJABIA NU DAROOO PEEN LAI KOI BHANA NAI DOST CHIDE AA KITE V MIL JANA PAG OTHE SURU CAHE KHOOHA WALI THANDI SAA HOVE TE JA KOI FIVE STAR HOTEL PUNJABIA DA TA APNA HE SARUR HUNDA EE YR CHUK DE FAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
48
« on: November 05, 2007, 11:53:54 PM »
Sardar Joke....A guy went to a boot camp and saw that all sardarjis only had one arm. When he asked a sardarji, he said, " Well, we are told to put a grenade under our armpit and count to ten. When we count to ten, they blow up...we never do aything and our arms get blown up." ---Khushwant Singh
49
« on: November 05, 2007, 11:50:10 PM »
What would be changed if Laloo Prasad
becomes India's Prime Minister:
1. National Anthem : Khana Pina Adhik Zaroorat hai...
2. National Attire : Dhoti & Kurta
3. National Drink : Fresh Buffalo Milk
4. National Animal : Buffalo, from Bihar
5. National Sport : Milking Buffalo (morning)
Buffalo Race (evening)
6. Corporate Language : Enlish-va
7. National Toy : A. K. 58
8. National Family Planning Policy : Hum Do, Humare Dozen
9. National Documentry Film : Laloo Ban Gaya Gentleman
10. National Vehicle : Buffalo Cart
11. National Recreation : Pro-creation
Laloo's Slogan:
Jab Tak Rahega Samosa Me Aloo,
Tab Tak Rahega Hamara P.M. Laloo
50
« on: November 05, 2007, 11:47:30 PM »
May not apply towards NRIs returning from Gulf, they have seen worse)
10. One who requests the autorickshaw driver to drive slowly
and clutches the seat-cushion nervously.
9. One who just bought a case of Bisleri mineral water.
8. One who gets upset if the train is only six hours behind schedule.
7. One who is nervously gazing at the Green channel at the
Customs clearance of airport.
6. One who prefers eating fruits to Poori at the train stations.
5. Basically, any man who is changing a baby's diaper.
4. One who does not wait, for the coolie at the train station, and
hauls his/her own 30" suitcase.
3. One who feels embarassed to run after the railway conductor, for
reservation.
2. One who says, "say cheese" when taking a picture.
1. One who has gained more FREQUENT FLYER mileage from trips to
the toilet.
51
« on: November 05, 2007, 11:44:47 PM »
There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets, so when the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and so the T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickets , this fellow answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them, so the T.T.E said what if you lose both of them, so this guy said then why do I have a monthly pass.
52
« on: November 05, 2007, 11:42:35 PM »
This incident happened when we were in college. Two Biharis talking
to each other,
" Aaj Mother teresa a rahen hai Kennedy Auditorium mein saam ko aap chalenge
na , hum aap ko 5.30 p.m sharp pe lene aienge, so this fellow didn't know who
is Mother Teresa and replied back, " nahin bhai aap hi chale jaiye hum Englis
film nahin dekhte hain.
53
« on: November 05, 2007, 11:39:57 PM »
Bholu Ram interviews with world largets company.
A few days later he got this reply:-
Dear Bholu Ram, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bholu Ram jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said Bhaiyon aur Behno,aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki mujhay america mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Bholu Ram continued Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter english main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee kartaa jaongaa.
Dear Bholu Ram ----- pyare singh sahab
You do not meet ---- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ---- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ---- ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai.
No phone call ---- phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ---- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks----aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya
54
« on: November 05, 2007, 11:35:48 PM »
Chilhood: When you make faces at mirror. Middle age is when mirror gets even.
Bald man: A person who has lot of face to wash and very little hair to comb.
Marriage: An institution in which a man loses his bachelors degree and a women gets her masters.
Doctor: Who cures your ills by pills and kills you by his bills.
Alimony: A mode of payment that enables a women who at one time lived happily married to live happily unmarried.
Indian Film Heroines: If they display their assets, the producer recovers his liabilitie
55
« on: November 05, 2007, 11:04:38 PM »
Gyani Zail Singh went to the US & had a meeting with
Reagan. Reagan said, "I want to show you the
advancement in technology in USA. Come with me."
Reagan takes him in a deep forest and says. "Dig the
ground."
Zail Singh digs.
Reagan says, "More, more, more..."
Zail Singh has now reached a 100 feet.
Reagan says, "So now, did you find anything?"
Zail Singh, "I got a wire!"
Reagan says, "You see, it shows that even 200 years
ago we used to have telephones!"
Zail Singh was very frustrated and he invited Reagan
to India.
In India GyaniJi says, "Now I want to show you the
advancement in India!"
He takes Reagan to a forest and asks him to dig.
After some time GyaniJi says, "More. .. more... more!"
Reagan has now reached almost 400 feet.
Zail Singh says, "Find anything?"
Reagan tries but finds nothing, "Nothing here!"
GyaniJi says, "You see even 400 years ago we had gone
WIRELESS!"
56
« on: November 05, 2007, 11:02:09 PM »
Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kabul several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kabul recently and observed that men now walked several yards behind their wives.
Ms.Walters approached one of the Afghani women and said, "This is marvellous. Can you tell the free world just what enabled women to achieve this reversal of roles?"
"Land mines," said the woman
57
« on: November 05, 2007, 04:37:11 PM »
A mother complained to her doctor about her daughters strange eating habits.
"All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?"
Eventually" said the Doctor, "she will rise and shine!"
58
« on: November 05, 2007, 04:33:14 PM »
Jill calls her friend Linda, Linda picks up the phone.
Jill : "Do ya wanna go to the mall with me?"
Linda : "Why?"
Jill : "I need to study cosmetics"
Linda : "Why?"
Jill : "Well, my English teacher says,` I have a make-up exam on Monday
59
« on: November 05, 2007, 04:30:59 PM »
The restaurant where I took my two kids for a meal was crowded with fans watching a sporting event on television...
A harried waitress took our order, but more than half an hour passed with no sign of her return. I was trying to keep my kids from becoming restless when suddenly shouts of victory came from the bar.
"Hey!" commented my youngest, "It sounds like someone just got their food!"
60
« on: November 05, 2007, 04:28:32 PM »
It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise.
"Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I`ll help you get the wagon up."
"That`s mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don`t think Pa would like me to."
"Awe, come on," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won`t like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."
"Don`t be foolish !" the neighbour said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"
"Under the wagon."
Pages: 1 2 [3] 4 5 6 7 8 ... 27
|
Show Posts