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Topics - ravi_sandhu
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321
« on: October 30, 2007, 04:33:07 PM »
Nazar to mila sake,
Per zaban ko hila na sake,
Laakh chaha humne,
Phir bhi tum ko bhula na sake.
322
« on: October 30, 2007, 03:46:04 PM »
A Brahmin wrote to a hotel, "Can I stay with my parrot ?"
The hotel owner wrote back: " I have never had to call the polie to get an unruly parrot out, I have never found towels inside a parrot's suitcases, I have never found ashes in a heap on the floor after a parot has stayed in my hotel. I have never had a parrot waking up all the guests early in the morning by loudly chanting Vedic mantras.
Yes, your parrot is welcome.
PS. If he can vouch for you, I shall also permit you to stay."
323
« on: October 30, 2007, 03:43:07 PM »
A group of notorious robbers plan to extort some money from a Brahmin by threatening to kidnap his wife.
They send a note to him which reads : "Pandoo, Pay us Rs. 20,000 or your wife will be kidnapped."
The robbers get the note returned with the Brahmins' response: "I won't pay you Rs. 20,000 but I am interested in your second proposal."
324
« on: October 30, 2007, 03:39:57 PM »
Q: "How did the Narmada Valley form ?"
A: "Someone dropped a coin and a Brahman went digging for it."
Q:"How do they take the census in Kannauj (Lot of Brahmins?) ?"
A:"They roll a ruppee down the street."
Q: How many Brahmins does it take to change a light bulb ? Has not yet been determined.
A: They are still searching for a Vedic reference to light bulb.
Man says: Did you hear about the New Brahmin sports car?
Woman says: no.
Man: It stops on a coin and picks it up to !!
Q: "What do Brahmins do when they are cold ?"
A: "They sit around a candle!!"
Q: "What do they do when they are really cold ??"
A: "They light it!!"
Q: "How do you recognize a Brahmins house ?"
A: "There is toilet paper hanging on the clothes-line."
Q: What is a Brahmin's idea of open-mindedness ?
A: Dating a Tambram [ Tamil Brahmin Girl ].
325
« on: October 30, 2007, 03:37:19 PM »
A Bihari goes to a movie hall and asks for two tickets -
"Do tho ticket dena. "
The person at the window tells him that there is a house full - so this Bihari says -
"koi baat nahin do house full de do."
326
« on: October 30, 2007, 03:33:48 PM »
Musharraf wanted to raise money for his country, and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.
However at the local auction, the going price for was very high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!
The next day the local paper: MUSHARRAF'S ASS SHOWS
Mian Sahib was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won.
The paper read: MUSHARRAF'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
His wife was so upset with this kind of publicity that she ordered Mian MUSHARRAF not to enter the donkey in another race.
The paper headline read: WIFE SCRATCHES MUSHARRAF'S ASS
This was too much for WIFE. So she ordered MUSHARRAF to get rid of the donkey. Mian Sahib decided to give it to BENAZIR.
The paper headline the next day read: BENAZIR TAKES MUSHARRAF'S ASS
Followed by another on the next day: NOW BENAZIR HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
All the opposition leaders got very upset at this kind of publicity. They informed Benazir that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for Rs.500.
Next day the headline read: BENAZIR's ASS SOLD FOR Rs. 500
This was too much for the veteran opposition leader, Nawabzada Nasrullah Khan, so he ordered Benazir to buy back the donkey lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free.
Next day, the headline in the paper read: BENAZIR's ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The Nawabzada was buried the next day and Pakistan got rid of the biggest Ass it had produced in the bargain.
327
« on: October 30, 2007, 03:29:12 PM »
Sophisticated Meaning In Bombaiya language
1. There's a minor problem : Arre yaar, "Waanda" ho gaya
2. There's a big problem : Arre yaar, "Zol" ho gaya
3. There's a huge problem..(unsolvable) : Arre yaar, "Raada" ho gaya
4. You'll be surprised : Ekdam "Hill" jayega tu
5. I am going out of this place Chal apun "Kaltii" marta hai.
6. Don't make a fool of others Dekh , tu "Shendi" mat laga sabko
7. Just get out of here, you oversmart fool!! Chal e Shaaane, "Hawa" aane de
8. I am not a stupid out here Apun kya "ALIBAUG" se nahi aaya
9. There's some misunderstanding Arre kuch "Galat Faimili" ho gayi
10. Do u drink daily? Tu kya roz "FULL TO" hota hai?
11. See, You are afraid.. Dekh , teri to "FAT" gayi
12. Shall I just bash u? E Du kya "Kharcha Pani" ?
13. Just take him into a secret place Use jara "Khopche" me leke ja 20
14. O .. What a beautiful lady !! Kya "Zakaas Item" hai yaar!!
15. What a sensuous/unexplainably sexy lady!! Kya "Raapchik Maal / Piece" hai yaar!!
16. Don't just bluff....OK? E Jyaada "RAAG" mat de..
17. Ya..she is staring at u.. buddy !!! Kya sahi "LINE" deti hai "Bhiduu"!!
18. Don't take much tension.. Jyaada "LOAD" nahi leneka kya??
19. Your clothes are very awkward!! Kya "ZAGMAG / DHINKCHAAK" pehna tune?
20. I don't care about it much..!! Abe yaar , "Hata Saawan Ki Ghata"
21. Please don't overbore me.... Jyaada "PAKAA" mat be tu
22. All this must be done without anyone's notice Sab kaam "SUUMDI" me hona chahiye...kya?
328
« on: October 30, 2007, 03:25:33 PM »
LA LOO JOKES
* What do they call French Toilet in Bihar ?
La loo
* Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the
security guard told Laloo "WAIT SIR" for which Laloo replied "65Kgs"
and moved on...
* Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las
Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji could
you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...".
The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo
immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down.
* Laloos family planning policy..
"Don't have more than two children in one year"
* At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." & the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS,
SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"
Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."
* After having become the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to pose for a picture.
To show he is down to earth CM he decides to pose along with a herd of
buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for
the photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS
THE CAPTION "Laloo, third from left"
* Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business
Development to Bihar. The Japanese Embssary was quite impressed with
Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years
and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Laloo was
very surprised. "You Japanese are very inepicient," he stated "Give me
three days and I will turn Japan into Bihar"
* A reporter asked Laloo "What is the main reason for a divorce ?"
"Marriage"
329
« on: October 30, 2007, 03:22:29 PM »
Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kabul several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kabul recently and observed that men now walked several yards behind their wives.
Ms.Walters approached one of the Afghani women and said, "This is marvellous. Can you tell the free world just what enabled women to achieve this reversal of roles?"
"Land mines," said the woman
330
« on: October 30, 2007, 03:17:58 PM »
Gyani Zail Singh went to the US & had a meeting with
Reagan. Reagan said, "I want to show you the
advancement in technology in USA. Come with me."
Reagan takes him in a deep forest and says. "Dig the
ground."
Zail Singh digs.
Reagan says, "More, more, more..."
Zail Singh has now reached a 100 feet.
Reagan says, "So now, did you find anything?"
Zail Singh, "I got a wire!"
Reagan says, "You see, it shows that even 200 years
ago we used to have telephones!"
Zail Singh was very frustrated and he invited Reagan
to India.
In India GyaniJi says, "Now I want to show you the
advancement in India!"
He takes Reagan to a forest and asks him to dig.
After some time GyaniJi says, "More. .. more... more!"
Reagan has now reached almost 400 feet.
Zail Singh says, "Find anything?"
Reagan tries but finds nothing, "Nothing here!"
GyaniJi says, "You see even 400 years ago we had gone
WIRELESS!"
331
« on: October 30, 2007, 03:14:34 PM »
Chilhood: When you make faces at mirror. Middle age is when mirror gets even.
Bald man: A person who has lot of face to wash and very little hair to comb.
Marriage: An institution in which a man loses his bachelors degree and a women gets her masters.
Doctor: Who cures your ills by pills and kills you by his bills.
Alimony: A mode of payment that enables a women who at one time lived happily married to live happily unmarried.
Indian Film Heroines: If they display their assets, the producer recovers his liabilitie
332
« on: October 30, 2007, 03:11:09 PM »
Bholu Ram interviews with world largets company.
A few days later he got this reply:-
Dear Bholu Ram, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bholu Ram jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said Bhaiyon aur Behno,aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki mujhay america mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Bholu Ram continued Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter english main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee kartaa jaongaa.
Dear Bholu Ram ----- pyare singh sahab
You do not meet ---- aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ---- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ---- ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai.
No phone call ---- phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ---- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks----aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya
333
« on: October 30, 2007, 03:06:58 PM »
This incident happened when we were in college. Two Biharis talking
to each other,
" Aaj Mother teresa a rahen hai Kennedy Auditorium mein saam ko aap chalenge
na , hum aap ko 5.30 p.m sharp pe lene aienge, so this fellow didn't know who
is Mother Teresa and replied back, " nahin bhai aap hi chale jaiye hum Englis
film nahin dekhte hain.
334
« on: October 30, 2007, 02:59:22 PM »
There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets, so when the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and so the T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickets , this fellow answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them, so the T.T.E said what if you lose both of them, so this guy said then why do I have a monthly pass.
335
« on: October 30, 2007, 02:49:47 PM »
(May not apply towards NRIs returning from Gulf, they have seen worse)
10. One who requests the autorickshaw driver to drive slowly
and clutches the seat-cushion nervously.
9. One who just bought a case of Bisleri mineral water.
8. One who gets upset if the train is only six hours behind schedule.
7. One who is nervously gazing at the Green channel at the
Customs clearance of airport.
6. One who prefers eating fruits to Poori at the train stations.
5. Basically, any man who is changing a baby's diaper.
4. One who does not wait, for the coolie at the train station, and
hauls his/her own 30" suitcase.
3. One who feels embarassed to run after the railway conductor, for
reservation.
2. One who says, "say cheese" when taking a picture.
1. One who has gained more FREQUENT FLYER mileage from trips to
the toilet.
336
« on: October 30, 2007, 02:46:25 PM »
What would be changed if Laloo Prasad
becomes India's Prime Minister:
1. National Anthem : Khana Pina Adhik Zaroorat hai...
2. National Attire : Dhoti & Kurta
3. National Drink : Fresh Buffalo Milk
4. National Animal : Buffalo, from Bihar
5. National Sport : Milking Buffalo (morning)
Buffalo Race (evening)
6. Corporate Language : Enlish-va
7. National Toy : A. K. 58
8. National Family Planning Policy : Hum Do, Humare Dozen
9. National Documentry Film : Laloo Ban Gaya Gentleman
10. National Vehicle : Buffalo Cart
11. National Recreation : Pro-creation
Laloo's Slogan:
Jab Tak Rahega Samosa Me Aloo,
Tab Tak Rahega Hamara P.M. Laloo
337
« on: October 30, 2007, 02:43:13 PM »
Sardar Joke....A guy went to a boot camp and saw that all sardarjis only had one arm. When he asked a sardarji, he said, " Well, we are told to put a grenade under our armpit and count to ten. When we count to ten, they blow up...we never do aything and our arms get blown up." ---Khushwant Singh
338
« on: October 30, 2007, 02:39:31 PM »
Santa and Banta are employed in a computer hardware store as movers.
One day both of them are asked to move some computers. Santa being energetic that day does not feel the computer to be heavy at all.
At the same time he sees that Banta is struggling very hard to lift his computer.
At this Santa says, "What Banta, my computer has 500 MB Hard Disk yours has just 250, even then you cannot lift it?"
At this Banta thinks for a while and replies "That is right, but my Hard Disk is full and yours is empty"
339
« on: October 30, 2007, 02:37:00 PM »
Once upon a time there was a boy named karla he did a very bad thing during the day and he came home and hid from his mom, in the washroom.. Mom finds out and is really mad sooo his mom was like!!!!!
KarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and he saiddddd hunjiiiiiii. Haly lumpuk di aaaaaa!!! ( "its still hanging")
340
« on: October 30, 2007, 02:34:36 PM »
Once there was a sardarji working in the 13th floor of a building.
All of a sudden a man came and said to him "Banta Singh, your daughter just died in a car accident".
In panic, Banta Singh jumped off the building floor. While at the height of the 9 th floor, he remembered that he didn't have a daughter. At the height of the 7th floor he realized that he wasn't married. At the height of the 3rd floor, he realized he wasn't Banta Singh.
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