There was a young woman who lived with her grandmother. One night the granddaughter came bouncing down the stairs dressed to go out to a party wearing a see through blouse without a bra. Her grandmother told her to go back up stairs and ?dress decent.?
The young woman said, ?No, I want to show off my rosebuds? and went out the door.
The next day the granddaughter came outside to find her grandmother on the porch wearing the see through blouse without a bra.
?Grandmother!! What are you doing? My boyfriend and a couple of other friends are coming over any time now!? she cried. ?Please go change your blouse, I?m so embarrassed!!?
The older woman replied, ?Well if you can show off your rosebuds then I can show off my hanging baskets.?

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, ?Okay, Mrs. Jones, what?s the problem??
The mother says, ?It?s my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings; she?s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.?
The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother and says,
?Well, I don?t know how to tell you this but your Darla is pregnant. About 4
months would be my guess.?
The mother says, ?Pregnant?! She can?t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Darla??
Darla says, ?No mother! I?ve never even kissed a man!?
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, ?Is there something wrong out there doctor??
The doctor replies, ?No, not really, it?s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I?ll be d*mned if I?m going to miss it this time!?

A man came home and found his wife in bed with another man. He challenged the stranger to a duel. They walked into another room and closed the door. Then the man said to the stranger, ?Why should any of us die? Let?s both shoot into the air, then we fall to the floor and wait. She will sprint in. To whomever she will rush, let that man have her.? The stranger agreed. They both shot into the air and fell to the floor. The wife rushed in, looked at the two bodies and shouted, ?Darling, you may come out, they both croaked.?

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says, ?Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!?
The mom says, ?The bigger they are, the dumber they are.?
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says,
?Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy?s!?
The mom says, ?The bigger they are, the dumber they are.?
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says,
?Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and
more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!?

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. " Hello ? "

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" " Yes."

"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, " No ."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

" Yes," whispered the child, " a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

" No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on t he phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just landed a helicopter"

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle.. " ME."

A group of notorious robbers plan to extort some money from a Brahmin by threatening to kidnap his wife.

They send a note to him which reads : "Pandoo, Pay us Rs. 20,000 or your wife will be kidnapped."

The robbers get the note returned with the Brahmins' response: "I won't pay you Rs. 20,000 but I am interested in your second proposal."

A Brahmin and a Rajput share the same compartment in a train. Early in the morning the Brahmin chants a loud mantra, which angers a Rajput who is trying to continue sleeping. He asks the Brahmin,
"Hey, Pandoo [ slang for Pandit ], why do you keep shouting ?"
"It keeps elephants away," replied the Brahmin.
"But there are no elephants here for thosands of miles. Besides, no elephant could ever get into this train," said the Rajput.
"See how effective it IS"

A Dalit goes to the dentist and has a cavity filled. After the work, the Dalit asks how much he owes, and the dentist says, "No, no...I would never charge a poor Chandalla." The Dalit thanks him and leaves.

The next day, when the dentist gets into the office, he finds a basket full of fruits waiting for him.

Then a Muslim mullah visits the dentist and has some work done. Afterwards, he asks the dentist what he owes him, and he says, "Oh, no, of course I wouldn't charge a faithful follower of Allah!" He thanks him and leaves.

The next day, when the dentist arrives in his office, he finds a nice plate of well-cooked biriani [ a Muslim delicacy ] waiting for him.

A Brahmin visits the dentist for a checkup and a filling. When all is done, he asks the dentist what he owes him, and the dentist says, "Oh, no, I would never charge a Brahmin!" The Brahmin thanks the dentist and leaves.

The next day, when the dentist gets to his office, he finds.....four other Brahmins waiting for him!

Desi who falls at people's feet: Charan Singh
Desi who falls at peopls' feet and stays there: Gir charan Singh
A gangster Punjabi Female: Hard Kaur
Punjabi who drinks only beer: Just-beer(Jasbir) Singh
Punjabi who has only one drink : Just-one (Jaswant) Singh
Punjabi who visits every temple: Har Mandir Singh
Punjabi Female's boyfriend: Her-Pal Singh

Pyaaaray Lal,
I am writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved! I won't be able to give you the address as the last person who stayed in this house took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well, last week I put in three shirts and pulled the chain and I HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE.
The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.
We got another bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don't make the last payment on GRANDMA'S FUNERAL, she will come up again.
Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetary. Your sister had a baby this morning, I haven't found out whether it is a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an uncle or an aunty.
Your Uncle Herolal fell into a whisky vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out- he rolled the window down and swam to safety. The other two friends drowned as they couldn' get the gate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love, Mom