One day there were three hunters. Their names were Bob, Zach,
and Jason. One day Jason went out and came back with a huge
deer. Zach and Bob were amazed and said," How did you do that?"
Jason answered, "I followed the tracks, caught the deer with a
rope, killed the deer with a knife, and brought it back."

The next day Zach went out and got an even bigger deer than
Jason's! Jason and Bob were amazed and said,"How did you do
that?" Zach answered,"I followed the tracks, caught the deer
with a rope, killed the deer with a knife, and brought it back."

The next day Bob tried to catch an even better deer than Zach's.
Later that day, a guy named Ed came and said,"Bob died." Zach
and Jason asked,"How?" "Well according to the witnesses it's a
very strange story. Bob was following the train tracks. When he
saw some people and shouted,'has anyone seen a deer!' Then a
train came and he threw a rope on it. The rope tied to a wheel.
Next Bob tried to cut the train open with a knife and BOOM! He's
dead.

At the emergency meeting of the UN regarding another conflict in the Middle East, the floor has been given to the Israeli Consul.

The Israeli Consul began, "Ladies and gentlemen before I commence with my speech, I wanted to relay an old story to all of you...

When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt he had to go through deserts, and prairies, and even more deserts... The people became thirsty and needed water.

So Moses struck the side of a mountain with his cane and at the sight of that mountain a pond appeared with crystal clean, cool water. And the people rejoiced and drank to their hearts' content. Moses wished to cleanse his whole body, so he went over to the other side of the pond, took all of his clothes off and dove into the cool waters. Only when Moses came out of the water he discovered that all his clothes had been stolen... And I have reasons to believe that the Palestinians stole his clothes."

Yassir Arafat, hearing this accusation, jumps out of his seat and screams, "This is a travesty...It's a lie ! It is widely known that there were no Palestinians there at the time!!!"

"And in agreement with Chairman Arafat," said the Israeli Consul, "let me begin my speech..."

The Israeli Ambassador is sitting down with Yassir Arafat to try to work out a peace agreement. The Ambassador asks if he might first tell a story. Arafat tells him to go ahead.
The Ambassador begins.

"When Moses was in the desert for 40 years, the Jews got very thirsty and Moses asked God for water and there appeared a beautiful lake. The Jews first drank and then bathed themselves. Moses did the same when it was his turn, but when he came out of the water, all his clothes were gone. "Moses shouted, `Where are my clothes? Who took them?"` "The Jews answered, `The Palestinians took them.`"
Arafat quickly objected by saying that there were no Palestinians at that time.
he Ambassador looks at Arafat and says, "RIGHT!!! NOW we can begin to negotiate

The Israeli Ambassador is sitting down with Yassir Arafat to try to work out a peace agreement. The Ambassador asks if he might first tell a story. Arafat tells him to go ahead.
The Ambassador begins.

"When Moses was in the desert for 40 years, the Jews got very thirsty and Moses asked God for water and there appeared a beautiful lake. The Jews first drank and then bathed themselves. Moses did the same when it was his turn, but when he came out of the water, all his clothes were gone. "Moses shouted, `Where are my clothes? Who took them?"` "The Jews answered, `The Palestinians took them.`"
Arafat quickly objected by saying that there were no Palestinians at that time.
he Ambassador looks at Arafat and says, "RIGHT!!! NOW we can begin to negotiate

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."

GARY, Indiana - Last Monday FBI agents busted a $1,000-a-day cocaine ring being run out of City Hall, allegedly by the city`s chief computer programer and its payroll clerk.
Programer Arthur Harris, 46, and clerk Karen Laverne Shivers, 41, were arrested at their apartment Monday.
Agents seized 5 ounces of cocaine, 6 ounces of crack and $6,000. Federal agents said they taped three telephone conversations in which Harris, speaking on a City Hall phone, arranged to sell crack.

An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings.
He asked, "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"
The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"Can you see the river?"
"Yes"
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
"Of course", said the minister.
"10 percent", said the senator smugly.
Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his house,the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc etc.
"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian Rupees," he asked.
The minister called him to the window.
"See the river over there?"
"Sure", cried the senator.
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said, "No, I don't see any bridge."
"100 percent", said the minister !!

A major traffic jam was preventing people from moving forward.
A motorist shouted out wanting to know what was happening.
A guy from the front replied, "Well at the traffic crossing Laloo Yadav is sprawled across the road.
He is refusing to move from there!"
"But why?"
"He has lost the elections and will now surely be convicted for corruption and will have to pay lakhs of Rupess as fines!
He is threatening to douse himself with kerosene and set himself on fire if people didn`t contribute with money to help him pay the fine!"
"So how much has been collected so far?"
"Six litres!"

A man was looking at a painting 4 a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing & he answered - waitng 4 autumn

A cat and a rooster sat by a lake, the cat fell in the lake, the rooster laughed! LESSON: when theres a wet pussy, there's a happy cock!