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Topics - sUlTaNpUrIyA cHeEmA
41
« on: May 01, 2009, 04:25:35 AM »
Telling a lie is a fault for a little boy,
An art for a lover,
An accomplishment for a bachelor
And a Matter of Survival for a married man. Gud Luck!
………………………………………………………..
Do u remember the day we travelled in a car?
I put my dog out of the window,
U put ur face out,
Then people started shouting ‘TWINS TWINS’
………………………………………………………..
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?.?.?.?….It is just a formality, like two boxers shaking hands b4
the fight begins !the fight begins !
:hehe: :hehe: :hehe: :hehe:
42
« on: May 01, 2009, 04:12:37 AM »
A teacher teaching Maths to seven-year-old student asked him, “If I give you one apple and one apple and one apple, how many apples will you have?”Within a few seconds the student replied confidently, “Four!”
The dismayed teacher was expecting an effortless correct answer (three). She was disappointed. “Maybe the child did not listen properly,” she thought. She repeated, “My boy, listen carefully. If I give you one apple and one apple and one apple, how many apples will you have?”
The student had seen the disappointment on his teacher’s face. He calculated again on his fingers. But within him he was also searching for the answer that will make the teacher happy. His search for the answer was not for the correct one, but the one that will make his teacher happy. This time hesitatingly he replied, “Four…”
The disappointment stayed on the teacher’s face. She remembered that this student liked strawberries. She thought maybe he doesn’t like apples and that is making him loose focus. This time with an exaggerated excitement and twinkling in her eyes she asked, “If I give you one strawberry and one strawberry and one strawberry, then how many you will have?”
Seeing the teacher happy, the boy calculated on his fingers again. There was no pressure on him, but a little on the teacher. She wanted her new approach to succeed. With a hesitating smile the student enquired, “Three?”
The teacher now had a victorious smile. Her approach had succeeded. She wanted to congratulate herself. But one last thing remained. Once again she asked him, “Now if I give you one apple and one apple and one more apple how many will you have?”
Promptly the student answered, “Four!”
The teacher was aghast. “How my boy, how?” she demanded in a little stern and irritated voice. In a voice that was low and hesitating young student replied, “Because I already have one apple in my bag.” :hehe: :hehe: :hehe: :hehe: :hehe:
43
« on: May 01, 2009, 04:00:12 AM »
I LOST MY WIFE
I Lost my wife : (Ladies should read not to be missed)
A man went to police station for filing report for his missing wife:
Man: I lost my wife (misty)
Inspector: what is her height
Man; I never noticed
Inspectior:slim or healthy
Man: not slim can be healthy
Inspector: colour of eyes
Man: Never noticed
Inspector: colour of hair
Man: changes according to season
Inspector: what was she wearing
Man: Saree/suit/ I dont remember exactly
Inspector:was somebody with her ?????????
”
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Man: Yes
”
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my Labra dog (romeo)
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tied with a golden chain
height 30 inches
healthy,
blue eyes,
blackish brown hair
his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken
he never barks
wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls
he likes non veg food
we sleep together
we eat together
we jog together
we__________ _________&
the man started crying
”
”
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”
”
”
Inspector: Lets search the dog first !!!!!!!!!!!!
44
« on: May 01, 2009, 03:55:31 AM »
1. Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
2. Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?
3. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
4. I’d like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?
5. At least there’s one thing good about your body. It isn’t as ugly as your face!
6. Brains aren’t everything. In fact, in your case they’re nothing
7. Careful now, don’t let your brains go to your head!
8. I like you. People say I’ve no taste, but I like you.
9. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
10. If I had a face like yours. I’d sue my parents!
:hehe: :hehe: :hehe:
sUlTaNpUrIyA....
45
« on: May 01, 2009, 03:49:55 AM »
“MEDHA Ishq wii Tuu,Medha yar wii Tuu
Medha Deen wii Tuu, IMAN wii Tuu
Medha jism wii Tuu ,medha Rooh wii Tuu
Medha Qalb wii Tuu, Jind Jan wii Tuu
MEDHA KABA KIBLA MASJID MINBAR MAZHAB TA QURAN WII TUUUU Medha Ishq wii TUU “”"
baba fareed ji di shayri cho ik.....shayer...
46
« on: May 01, 2009, 03:42:52 AM »
Har Panne Te Osda Naam Hovega....
Osnu Pyaar Waali Aisi Kitab De Ke Javange....
Aakh Oosdi Vii Kade Lag Naa Sake....
Aisa Akhiya Nu Ek Khawab De Ke Javange....
Jo Kade Murjhaye Naa Sadiya Tak....
Oss Nu Aisa Yaada Daa Gulab De Ke Javange....
Ohnu Gila Hai Ke “sUlTaNpUrIyA” Sawala De Jawab Nahi Denda....
Saah Rukan To Pehla Har Ek Jawab De Ke Javange....
sUlTaNpUrIyA....(rAj22g)
47
« on: May 01, 2009, 03:34:24 AM »
:sad: Har ik nu apna banaunda reh gaya…………
Gumaan nu gal launda reh gaya……..
Na pyaar milyaa, Na yaar milya…
Enna dona nu bas manuanda reh gaya…..
Geetaan vich likhe pyaar de tarane bade…
Kyun ena gitaan nu bas gun gunauda reh gaya…
Mitha si saaj Isq vala …
Par main saaj lokan nu sunaunda reh gaya….
Ethe dost vi mile ban rakeeb mere..
Main Rakeeba nu vi gal launda reh gaya…
Ek khanjar meri pith vich, unha marya….
Zinaah te barosha vikhaunda reh gaya…
Hun taan muk chala ek khel yaaro..
Jis khel ton khud nu bachunda reh gaya…
Zind taan dheri si miti di….
Is Mitti di dheri nu sajaunda reh gay…….
Char Maonde na mile meri maut ton baad..
Main dostaan de mele laaunda reh gaya..
Eh kaisa jag hai, te kaise isde riste…
Enha kagaz de risteyaan da saath nibhaunda reh gaya…
Pani da bulbale vaang zind si yaaro……
Main avein is te maan Vikhaunda reh gayaa…
Zind taan dheri hai miti di….
Is Mitti di dheri nu sajaunda reh gay…….
sUlTaNpUrIyA....(rAj22g)
48
« on: May 01, 2009, 03:32:28 AM »
:love:husan ta husan hai bahve ishq di jaan chali jaave
husan nu koi parvah nahi hundi....
tahi ta ranjha galiya vich mangan lata si....
sohni ne mahival nu kandhea te rahne la ta si....
sahiba ne bahyia to mirja marvata si....
saasi ne thala vich husan jalata si....
kida ishq kariye ehne rajia nu rank banata si....
sUlTaNpUrIyA....
49
« on: May 01, 2009, 03:30:04 AM »
Le babula ajj eh din aaya,
Khushiyan naal tera vehda mehkaaya.
Bajjan shenaiyan hun chaaron paase,
Khidd de mukh dinde dil nu dilaase.
Par sukki jaandi meri jind nimaani,
Pal vich kiven ho gayi begaani.
Kal tak si jo mera sara apna,
Chadd ke challi jiven do pal da sapna.
Hun aauna yaad tera palkan te bithauna,
Russi hoi nu pyaar naal manauna.
Galtiyan hon te sehaj naal samjhauna,
Poonj ke hanju gall naal launa.
Jad aai sewa karan di meri baari,
Khadey sii bhuhey bahar laike savaari.
Jinnhe marzi tarle kar laye eh dhee pyaari,
Hun tan maarni hi pau udaari.
Assesan laike teriyan hun challi ghar paraaye,
Pai gayi us raste jo menu tu dikhaye.
Izzataan nu chaar chand sabde main laavangi,
Kuj is taran farzaan nu apne mein nibhavangi.
Rehn vasdiyaan rabba…ae saade Pind diyaan kuriyaan ne.........jendiya vasdiya raho bheno....
sUlTaNpUrIyA....(rAj22g)
50
« on: April 29, 2009, 08:07:35 AM »
:hehe: :hehe:10. My wife and I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you’ll leave your name and number, we’ll get back to you as soon as we’re finished.
9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don’t need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.
8. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling….. And I’ll think about returning your call.
7. Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have LOTS of money.
5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So, leave a message.
4. Hello! If you leave a message, I’ll call you soon. If you leave a “sexy” message, I’ll call sooner.
3. Hi. Now YOU say something.
2. Hi. I’m probably home; I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.
1. Hello, you’ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can’t pick up the phone right now, because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right…real slow. So leave a message, and when we’re done brushing our teeth, we’ll call you back . :hehe: :hehe: :hehe: :hehe: :hehe: :hehe:
51
« on: April 29, 2009, 08:01:13 AM »
#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
***********
#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you’re on the road.
***********
#8 - If you admire a friend’s handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
***********
#7 - Your primary handgun doesn’t mind if you have a backup.
***********
#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you’re out of ammo.
***********
#5 - A handgun doesn’t take up a lot of closet space.
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#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
***********
#3 - A handgun doesn’t ask “Do these new grips make me look fat?”
***********
#2 - A handgun doesn’t mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
***********
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun.its funny :hehe: :hehe: :hehe: :hehe:
52
« on: April 29, 2009, 07:56:51 AM »
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, “Mom! That lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!”
***********
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.”
***********
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”
***********
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”
***********
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform,
She asked, “Are you a cop?” Yes,” I answered and continued writing the report. “My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right? “Yes, that’s right,” I told her. “Well, then,” she said as she extended her foot toward me, “would you please tie my shoe?”
***********
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment,
My K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me “Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked. “It sure is,” I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said,” What’d he do?”
***********
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!”
***********
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit.”
“And why not, darling?” “You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.”
***********
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting , then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: “Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he gooooes.”
***********
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m just wasting my time,” she said to her mother .. “I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk!”
***********
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages “Mama, look what I found,” the boy called out. ; ; “What have you got there, dear?”
With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear.” :hehe: :hehe: :hehe: :hehe:
53
« on: April 29, 2009, 07:45:33 AM »
A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty two days after the actual date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in writing…
_________
Deer sur,
If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker.
This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly,but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment.
I tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun.
I putted a complain on station masterji.
He said I to go to the lady clerk.
At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun.
Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun.
Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life.
I hope u will look into explain my hole story after,and late me joint first.
I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement.
May God blast you!”
Yours awfully,
lAlU PaRsAd yAdAv.... :hehe: :hehe: :hehe:
******
54
« on: April 29, 2009, 07:33:52 AM »
1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees.
20. MASTEK: Mad And Stupid Technitians Enroute to Kabaarkhana
21.PATNI : Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments
sUlTaNpUrIyA....
55
« on: April 29, 2009, 07:27:10 AM »
:hehe: :hehe:My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
************
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
************
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, “There was water in the carburetor.”
I asked her, “Where’s the car?”
She replied, “In the lake.”
************
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
************
I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don’t like to interrupt her.
************
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got myself two girlfriends.
************
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
************
A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?”
The father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
************
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.”
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: “You can have mine.”
*************
It’s not true that married men live longer than single men.
It only seems longer.
*************
Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
*************
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I’m half dead.”
************** :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. :hehe: :hehe: :hehe:
56
« on: April 29, 2009, 07:13:02 AM »
What happens to the Lipstick used by the ladies.?????
5% of the Lipstick is sticked to the cutlery.
25% of the lipstick goes to Tissue Paper & Cotton Tabs at the time of removeing the Make Up.
15% of the Lipstick goes in Drain at the Time of Washing Face & Lips.
10% is Dumpped in the Garbage as Unused.
5% of the Lipstick is found in the Womens Stomach Due to Newer Flavours & Essences.
And the remaing 40% of the Lipstick I Gaurantee you that you will find it in Man’s Stomach... :hehe: :hehe: :hehe: :hehe: :hehe: :balle:
57
« on: April 29, 2009, 06:58:21 AM »
Interesting facts
Men are like computers – hard to figure out and never have enough memory Still Women likes man
Men are like coolers – load them with beer and you can take them anywhere Still Women likes man
Men are like chocolate bars – sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips Still Women likes man
Men are like coffee – the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night Still Women likes man
Men are like horoscopes – they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong Still Women likes man
Men are like cement – after getting laid they take a long time to get hard Still Women likes man
Men are like laxatives – they irritate the shit out of you Still Women likes man
Men are like parking spots – the good ones are already taken and what’s left is handicapped Still Women likes man
A man is like a snowstorm – you never know when he’s coming, how many inches you’ll get, or how long he will last Still Women likes man
What should you give a man who has everything? – A woman to show him how to work it Still Women likes man
How does a man show he’s planning for the future? – He buys two cases of beer instead of one. Still Women likes man
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? – The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Still Women likes man
Why are husbands like lawn mowers? – They’re hard to get started, emit foul odours and don’t work half the time. Still Women likes man
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? – After a year the dog is still excited to see you. Still Women likes man
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? – Breasts don’t have eyes. Still Women likes man
What’s the difference between men and government bonds? – Bonds mature Still Women likes man
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? – We don’t know, it’s never happened Still Women likes man
Why are men like tile floors? – If you lay ‘ em properly the first time, you can walk over them for years. Still Women likes man
What do you call a man with half a brain? – Gifted. Still Women likes man
AND FINALLY …… Why is it hard for women to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? – Because these men already have boyfriends! Still Women likes man
58
« on: April 29, 2009, 06:55:02 AM »
My Dear SweetHeart,
Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.
There I saw you with our cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.
My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.
The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.
I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element to a set.
The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.
Truly Yours
sUlTaNpUrIyA....
59
« on: April 29, 2009, 06:22:07 AM »
Man: “Haven’t we met before?”
Woman: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.”
Man: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?”
Woman: “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”
Man: “Is this seat empty?”
Woman: “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”
Man: “So, wanna go back to my place?”
Woman: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?”
Man: “Your place or mine?”
Woman: “Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.”
Man: “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
Woman: “It’s in the phone book.”
Man: “But I don’t know your name.”
Woman: “That’s in the phone book too.”
Man: “So what do you do for a living?”
Woman: “I’m a female impersonator.”
Man: “I know how to please a woman.”
Woman: “Then please leave me alone.”
Man: “I want to give myself to you.”
Woman: “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.”
Man: “I can tell that you want me.”
Woman: “Ohhhh. You’re so right. I want you…to leave.”
Man: “Hey Cutie, how ’bout you and I hitting the hot spots?”
Woman: “Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.”
Man: “May I see you pretty soon?”
Woman: “Why? Don’t you think I’m pretty now?”
Man: “Your body is like a temple.”
Woman: “Sorry, there are no services today.”
Man: “I’d go through anything for you.”
Woman: “Good! Let’s start with your bank account.”
Man: “I would go to the end of the world for you.”
Woman: “Yes, but would you stay there?????????
60
« on: April 29, 2009, 06:16:56 AM »
BABBU MAAN AND GANDHI....
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