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Messages - SonnenKinder
9201
« on: November 10, 2009, 06:27:15 AM »
After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979."
"You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly.
"No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."
9202
« on: November 10, 2009, 06:24:10 AM »
On the sixth day God turned to the Archangel Gabriel and said:
"Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats, and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."
"But Lord," asked Gabriel "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"
"Not really," replied God "just wait and see the neighbors I am going to give them."
9203
« on: November 10, 2009, 05:49:36 AM »
If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq Theater of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000.
The firearms death rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 100,000.
That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in USA Capital, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq.
Conclusion: We should immediately pull out of Washington D.C.
9204
« on: November 10, 2009, 05:33:53 AM »
hahahaha lolzzzzz :laugh: :laugh:
i feel on 9th cloud when somone laffs at my jokes :happy: but i also expect a click on thankyou icon
9205
« on: November 10, 2009, 05:30:13 AM »
:lol:
veer joke likh likh ke pura PJ bhar ditta. tennu ajj time laggia paran da :angr:
9206
« on: November 10, 2009, 05:28:45 AM »
haha thats stupid husband:P  :
well to become a husband is stupidity in intself, why blame one person?
9207
« on: November 10, 2009, 05:26:02 AM »
:hug: :kiss: :kiss: :kiss:
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
well mebbe some guys may not admit that openly but woteva i opined in this post is 100% correct :happy:
9208
« on: November 10, 2009, 04:21:36 AM »
HELLO AND WELCOME TO MENTAL HEALTH HOTLINE
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press - no one will answer.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on line.
If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
9209
« on: November 10, 2009, 04:13:54 AM »
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound that you have a sound mind. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hanged himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"
9210
« on: November 10, 2009, 04:11:00 AM »
The husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage.The counselor asks them what the problem is.
The wife goes into a tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on.
Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the woman and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze.
The counselor turns to the husband and says "that is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?"
The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can get her here to your office Monday and Wednesday, but Friday I golf."
9211
« on: November 10, 2009, 04:07:32 AM »
When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the physiatrist began his therapy session, "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."
"Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..."
9212
« on: November 10, 2009, 04:00:28 AM »
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a bell.
Well, just go home and if the feeling persists, give me a ring.
Doctor, doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow.
Don't let people push you around.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible.
Who said that?!
Doctor, doctor, nobody understands me.
What do you mean by that?
Doctor, doctor, People keep ignoring me!
Next!
Doctor, doctor, No one believes a word I say.
Tell me the truth now, what's your REAL problem?
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
I'll deal with you later.
Doctor, doctor, people keep telling me I'm ugly!
Lay on the couch, face down.
Doctor, Doctor, I can't stop stealing things.
Take these pills for a week; if that doesn't work I'll have a color TV!
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a spoon.
Sit there and don't stir.
Doctor, doctor, I'm manic-depressive.
Calm down. Cheer up. Clam down. Cheer up. Calm...
Doctor, doctor, I keep trying to get into fights.
And how long have you had this complaint?
Who wants to know?
Doctor, doctor, I can't concentrate, one minute I'm ok, and the next minute, I'm blank!
And how long have you had this complaint?
What complaint?
Doctor, doctor, I feel so short!
No problem. Hop up on the couch.
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a small bucket.
You do look a little pail.
Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live.
Wait a minute please.
Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears.
Don't answer!
Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a bridge.
What's come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.
Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a cat.
How long has this been going on?
Oh, since I was a kitten!
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you.
I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture.
9213
« on: November 10, 2009, 03:52:31 AM »
Jose walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".
The guy says, "You're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it.
9214
« on: November 10, 2009, 03:46:44 AM »
A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of the proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.
Better to be safe than....................Punch a 5th grader
Strike while the .........................Bug is close
It's always darkest before............... Daylight Savings Time
Never underestimate the power of..........Termites
You can lead a horse to water but........how?
Don't bite the hand that................. looks dirty
No news is................................impossible
A miss is as good as a...................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new............math
If you lie down with dogs, you'll.........stink in the morning
Love all, trust..........................me
The pen is mightier than the..............pigs
An idle mind is..........................The best way to relax
Where there's smoke there's...............pollution
Happy the bride who.......................gets all the presents
A penny saved is..........................not much
Two's company, three's....................the Musketeers
Don't put off till tomorrow what..........you put on to go to bed
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.......you have to blow your nose.
None are so blind as......................Stevie Wonder
Children should be seen and not...........spanked or grounded
If at first you don't succeed.............get new batteries
You get out of something what you.........see pictured on the box
When the blind leadeth the blind..........get out of the way
And the favourite
Better late than.........................pregnant.
9215
« on: November 10, 2009, 03:32:46 AM »
The truth is out there.
They will always smell good even if its just shampoo.
The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder.
How cute they look when they sleep.
The ease in which they fit into our arms.
The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world.
How cute they are when they eat.
The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while.
Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 out side.
The way they look good no matter what they wear.
The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth.
How cute they are when they argue.
The way her hand always finds yours.
The way they smile.
The way you feel when you see their name on the call display after you just had a big fight.
The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later....
The way they kiss when you do something nice for them.
The way they kiss you when you say "I love you".
Actually... just the way they kiss you....
The way they fall into your arms when they cry.
Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly.
The way they hit you and expect it to hurt.
Then the way apologize when it does hurt ..(even though we don't admit it!).
The way they say "I miss you".
The way you miss them.
The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore.....Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them... it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt.
9216
« on: November 10, 2009, 03:13:26 AM »
:marro: :marro: :marro: :marro: :marro:
i hope u are hittin on general manager's head and not mine :wait:
9217
« on: November 10, 2009, 02:56:45 AM »
ahah same was in all the best movie
me not a gr8 fan of movies. instead i took a fancy to reading books. movies sound so unreal to me :lost:
9218
« on: November 09, 2009, 08:29:39 PM »
i guess u r not tht smart :hehe: :hehe: :hehe:
:laugh: you guessed it right dude
9219
« on: November 09, 2009, 08:22:34 PM »
damn, the recession's gonna get worse...thank god i'm secured :happy:
how about swapping your present job with General Manager?
9220
« on: November 09, 2009, 08:20:19 PM »
the preacher's going to hell :happy:
i wonder what was the reaction of his parents :dnk:
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