me, alone with many more things...it was awesome! I should've been a surgeon  :pagel:

do you guys know where these dissected frogs end up? Guess? in Chinese Biryani :hehe:

ahhahahhahhah
the worst choice eva!

it should hv been titled Ghar Ghar ki Kahani  :happy:

u missed imprtant one

Teacher: ehdi angrezi banao, osne apna kam khatam ketta atte karda he chaleya gea
Student: Hez done his homework and done dna done dna done done

:happy: neva heard that earlier

Relationships
When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled “All Men Are Idiots”. Then she will get on with her life.

A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, “I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I’ll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you’re a total floozy. But I want you to know that there’s always a chance for us”. This is known as the “I Hate You / I Love You” drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas, these classes rarely prove effective.

Maturity
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year-old females can function as adults. Most 17-year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Handwriting
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken- scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary and they dot their “i’s” with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their “p’s” and “g’s”. It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she’s dumping you, she’ll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Bathrooms
A man has six items in his bathroom – a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Groceries
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reached the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter that the Clampett’s car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

Shoes
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.

Going Out
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her earring, finishes putting on her makeup…

Cats
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

Dressing Up
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail etc. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Laundry
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of “Love, American Style.”

Socks
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweatsocks. Women wear strange socks. Socks that are cut way below the ankles, that have pictures of clouds on them, that have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

Nicknames
If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut-Brain and Useless.

Eating Out
… and when the check comes, Mike, Dave, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it’s only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

Mirrors
Men are vain; they will always check themselves out in a mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface: mirrors, spoons, car windows, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola’s head.

The Telephone
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

Directions
If a woman is out driving, and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, “Looks like I’ve found a new way to get there.” and, “I know I’m in the general neighborhood. I recognize that 7-11 store.”

Toys
Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men’s toys: little miniature TV’s. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 “D” batteries to operate.

Plants
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants. The woman comes home five or six days later to an apartment full of dead plants. No one knows why this happens.

Cameras
Men take photography very seriously. They’ll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course women always end up taking better pictures.

Jewelry
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that’s it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer.

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”

The man replied, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!”

The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.”

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle, and extends it back to the woman.

Politely, the woman refuses to accept the bottle.

The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”

The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police…”

A young man finds the woman of his dreams and asks her to marry him. He
tells his mother he wants her to meet his fiance, but he wants to make a
bit of a game out of it. He says he’ll bring the girl over with two other
women and see if his mother can guess which is the one he wants to marry.
His mother agrees to the game.

That night, he shows up at his mother’s house with three beautiful young
ladies. They all sit down on the couch, and everyone has a wonderful
evening talking and getting to know each other.

At the end of the evening, the young man asks his mother, ‘OK, Mom, which
one is the woman I want to marry?’

Without any hesitation at all, his mother replies, ‘The one in the middle.’

The young man is astounded. ‘How in the world did you figure it out?’

‘Easy,’ she says. ‘I don’t like her.’

LOVE......................when your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST.......................when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE............when your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't care.

LOVE......................when you argue over how many children to have.
LUST.......................when you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE............when you argue over money.

LOVE......................when you share everything you own.
LUST.......................when you think twice about giving your partner bus money or money for any reason.
MARRIAGE............when the bank owns everything.

LOVE......................when you phone each other just to say  "Good day".
LUST.......................when you phone each other just to organize s**
MARRIAGE............when you phone each other to find out what time your son's game starts.

LOVE......................when you write poems about your partner.
LUST.......................when all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE............when all you write is checks.

LOVE......................when you show concern for your partners' feelings.
LUST.......................when you couldn't give a shit.
MARRIAGE............when your only concern is what's on TV.

LOVE......................when your farewell is "I love you darling.."
LUST.......................when your farewell is "So, same time next week?"
MARRIAGE............when your farewell is silent.

LOVE......................when you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST.......................when you only ever see each other in the bedroom.
MARRIAGE............when you never see each other awake.

LOVE......................when nobody else matters.
LUST.......................when nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE............when everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.

LOVE......................when all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST.......................when it's just the same mushy old shit.
MARRIAGE............when you never listen tO MUSIC

LOVE......................when breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST.......................when staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE............when just getting through today is your only thought.

LOVE......................when you're interested in everything your partner does.
LUST.......................when you're only interested in one thing.
MARRIAGE............when you're not interested in what your partner does and the one thing you're interested in is your sports score.   

Remember, this is a joke.  You can still be in love and with lust in marriage.

   

   


   

 

 

 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

No wonder teachers go "crazy" with children...

TEACHER: Why are you late? WEBSTER: Because of the sign. TEACHER: What sign? WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

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TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor? CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

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TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"? JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L" TEACHER: No, that's wrong JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

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TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water? SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!! TEACHER: What are you talking about? SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

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TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. GEORGE: Here it is! TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? CLASS: George!

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TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WILLY: Me!

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TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty? TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

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SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark? FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write? SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.

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TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects? JOSE: Don't bite any.

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TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I". ELLEN: I is... TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am." ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

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Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?" Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."

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Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt? Father : No. Why do you ask that? Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

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Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots! Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.

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At a church school gathering, one little old lady approached a cute
5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good looks. "I musta got 'em from my Daddy," said the little girl, "'cause Mommy's still got hers."

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Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his? Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

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Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? Pupil : A teacher.

I think u can put it under
Life Culture Society

okie, thanx

Like post "Quote of the Day" I want to start a new thread "100 movie quotes". As topic suggests, these are famous quotes from Hollywood movies spread over 100 years. Please suggest me a suitable forum for this post.

Thanks