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Messages - SonnenKinder
8741
« on: November 20, 2009, 04:47:19 PM »
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:
...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
...she thought a quarterback was a refund.
...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
...she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
He Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde: ...he thought General Motors was in the army.
...he thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
...he thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
...under "education" on his job application, he put "Hooked on Phonics."
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:
...she tripped over a cordless phone.
...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate."
...she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK."
...at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put "Sagittarius."
...she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
He Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:
...he studied for a blood test.
...he thought he needed a token to get on "Soul Train."
...he sold the car for gas money!
...when he missed the 44 bus, he took the 22 bus twice instead.
...when he went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," he turned around and went home.
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:
...when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
...she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
...if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
...she thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
8742
« on: November 20, 2009, 04:41:23 PM »
A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then," he sighed, "let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."
8743
« on: November 20, 2009, 04:38:51 PM »
An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.
Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.
One of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
8744
« on: November 20, 2009, 04:36:58 PM »
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense.
Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).
His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.
Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, then she spilled a bit in her lap and was awarded a huge financial settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights and Ima Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
8745
« on: November 20, 2009, 04:30:08 PM »
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?"
"Well, honey," said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy. "And how did you and Daddy get born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us, too."
"Well, how were Grandpa and Grandma born?" the boy persisted.
"Well, darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher, who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
8746
« on: November 20, 2009, 04:27:20 PM »
"A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults." -Louis Nizer
"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." -Stephen Bishop
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." -Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" -Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." -Moses Hadas
"His ears made him look like a taxicab with both doors open." -Howard Hughes (about Clark Gable)
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." -Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -Paul Keating
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -Jack E. Leonard
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." -Abraham Lincoln
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." -Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." -Thomas Brackett Reed
"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." -James Reston (about Richard Nixon)
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -Charles, Count Talleyrand
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -Mark Twain
"A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity." -Mark Twain
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -Mae West
"She is a peacock in everything but beauty." -Oscar Wilde
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." -Oscar Wilde
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -Oscar Wilde
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." -Billy Wilder
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." -Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
8747
« on: November 20, 2009, 04:21:22 PM »
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
8748
« on: November 20, 2009, 04:16:51 PM »
I had purchased a talking metronome while I was attending a conference in New York for music teachers. Before my son and I boarded our flight home, I hefted my carry-on bag onto the security-check conveyor belt. The guard's eyes widened as he watched the monitor. He asked what I had in the bag, then slowly pulled out the six-by-three-inch black box covered with dials and switches. Other travelers, sensing trouble, vacated the area.
"A metronome," I replied weakly, as my son cringed in embarrassment. "It's a talking metronome," I insisted. "Look, I'll show you." I took the box and flipped a switch, realizing that I had no idea how it worked, "One... two... three... four," it said. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
As we gathered our belongings, my son whispered, "Aren't you glad it didn't go 'four... three... two... one...?'"
THIS JOKE WAS SENT TO ME BY MY BEST BUDDY'S UNCLE :happy:
8749
« on: November 20, 2009, 04:05:57 PM »
A little boy watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.
"Why are you rubbing cold cream on you face, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother.
A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" he asked. "Are you giving up?"
8750
« on: November 20, 2009, 09:36:29 AM »
no bro its not that i dnt use parfume to get rid of body odur.
Its just cuz we like different fragrances as a part of office culture .
I got about 10 parfumes with me.
You did a good work but i agree with u too.
i dnt stink bro :)
indian itar are much better...coz those dun contain any chemicals..and if u got 10 diff cologns ur 10 times move volunerable :happy:
8751
« on: November 20, 2009, 09:09:05 AM »
i use parfumes
But as far as i know
The only chemical thats gives you parfume / fragrance are esters
If you guys know
Baaki use edt spray and dont bspray on ur body .
bruv every word in ma post is true..wot i dun understand is why girls and we use perfumes? to get rid of body odour? der r many alternative ways.. the problem with us (both guys and girls) we don wanna learn somthing new that we dunno and stay stick to wot r told or advised by others.
8752
« on: November 20, 2009, 06:45:32 AM »
Women and beauty products - it's a love affair that's been going on for centuries. And no wonder. There's nothing like a new lipstick or favourite perfume to make us look and feel good. Or so we thought...
In fact, according to a new report, most of our favourite cosmetics are cocktails of industrially produced and potentially dangerous chemicals that could damage our health and, in some cases, rather than delivering on their potent 'anti-ageing' promise, are causing us to age faster.
Research by Bionsen, a natural deodorant company, found that the average woman's daily grooming and make-up routine means she 'hosts' a staggering 515 different synthetic chemicals on her body every single day.
Following is a break-up:-1. Shampoo-Average numbers of Chemicals =15. Most Worrying-Sodium Lauryl Sulphate, Terrasodium and Propylene Glycol. Possible Effects - Irritation, possible eye damage.
2.Hair Spray - Average no. of Chemicals =11. Most Worrying = Octinoxate, Isophthalates. Possible Effect - Allergies, Irritation to eyes,nose and throat, harmone disruption linked to changes in cell structure.
3.Eye Shadow - Chemicals =26 Most Worrying = Polythylene terephthalate Possible Side effects - linked to cancer; infertility; harmonal disruptions and damage to body organs.
4.Blusher - Chemicals = 16 Most Worrying = Methylparaben, Ethylparabens Possible SideEffcts = Rashes; Irritation; harmonal disruptions.
5. Lipstick - Chemicals = 33, Most Worrying = Polymenthyl methacrylate. Possible Sid effects - Allergies, links to cancer.
6. Foundation - Chemicals =24 Most Worrying = Polymethyl Methacrylate Possible Side Effects - Allergies; disrupts immune system; liks to cancer.
7.Perfume - Chemicals = 250, Most Worrying = Benzaldehyde. Possible Side Effects - Irritation to mouth, throat nd eyes. linked to kidney damage.
8.Body Lotion - Chemicals = 32, Most Worrying = Methylparaben, Propylparaben, polyethelyne Glycol(ALSO FOUND IN OVEN CLEANERS) Possible Side effect - Rashes; Irritation; harmones disruption.
9. Fake Tan - Chemicals = 22,Most Worrying = Methylparaben, Ethylparaben, propylparaben; Posible side effects = Rashes, Irritation, hormones disruption.
8753
« on: November 19, 2009, 07:30:38 PM »
This is for all our PJ posters, pay attention!
u didnt comment on those posts :happy:
8754
« on: November 19, 2009, 06:48:24 PM »
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
awwwww for 43year he hd been putting ppz to sleep
8755
« on: November 19, 2009, 06:47:15 PM »
that'll teach them :lol:
i thought u gonna give a better solution
8756
« on: November 19, 2009, 06:46:22 PM »
engineers engineers always finding faults 
actually they don wanna miss a single chance to flaunt der technical knowledge
8757
« on: November 19, 2009, 06:45:06 PM »
Rahuuuuuuuuuuuuuul dekho SOnnen tuade baare ki kehnda :hehe:
He aint a game addict :happy:
8758
« on: November 19, 2009, 06:36:25 PM »
Costello calls Abbott with some questions about UNIX:
Costello: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a
program?
Abbott: Yes, that’s correct.
Costello: No, what is it?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: So, which is the one?
Abbott: No. ‘which’ is used to find the program.
Costello: Stop this. Who are you?
Abbott: Use ‘who am i’ not ‘who r yoo’. You can also ‘finger yoo’ to get
information about ‘yoo’.
Costello: All I want to know is what finds the revision code?
Abbott: Use ‘what’.
Costello: That’s what I am trying to find out. Isn’t that true?
Abbott: No. ‘true’ gives you 0.
Costello: Which one?
Abbott: ‘true’ gives you 0. ‘which programname’
Costello: Let’s get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?
Abbott: Type ‘find / -name it -print’ to find ‘it’. Type ‘what program’ to
get the revision code.
Costello: I want to find the revision code.
Abbott: You can’t ‘find revisioncode’, you must use ‘what program’.
Costello: Which command will do what I need?
Abbott: No. ‘which command’ will find ‘command’.
Costello: I think I understand. Let me write that.
Abbott: You can ‘write that’ only if ‘that’ is a user on your system.
Costello: Write what?
Abbott: No. ‘write that’. ‘what program’.
Costello: Cut that out!
Abbott: Yes. those are valid files for ‘cut’. Don’t forget the options.
Costello: Do you always do this?
Abbott: ‘du’ will give you disk usage.
Costello: HELP!
Abbott: ‘help’ is only used for Source Code Control System (SCCS).
Costello: You make me angry.
Abbott: No, I don’t ‘make me’ angry but I did ‘make programname’ when I was
upset once.
Costello: I don’t want to make trouble, so no more.
Abbott: No ‘more’? ‘which’ will help you find ‘more’. Every system has
‘more’.
Costello: Nice help! I’m confused more now!
Abbott: Understand that since ‘help’ is such a small program, it is better
not to ‘nice help’. and ‘more now’ is not allowed but ‘at now’ is. Unless
of course ‘now’ is a file name.
Costello: This is almost as confusing as my PC.
Abbott: I didn’t know you needed help with ‘pc’. Let me get you to the
Pascal compiler team.
8759
« on: November 19, 2009, 06:18:55 PM »
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
“I know,” said the Branch Manager, “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.”
“No, no,” said the Hardware Engineer, “That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I’ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car’s braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.”
“Well,” said the Software Engineer, “Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.”
8760
« on: November 19, 2009, 06:06:54 PM »
A system programmer came home from work almost at dawn and told his wife enthusiastically: “Tonight I have installed a new release of MVS/ESA together with VM/CMS and CICS/VS”.
“G.O.O.D” answered his wife.
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