HONOR ROLL – We was playin poker on the stoop the other day, man I was HONOROLL.
PLANET – I got me some seed to grow weed, so I PLANET in the backyard.
DISMAY – I went for a blood test, the doctor pulled out a big needle. He said, “DISMAY hurt a little.”
OMELETTE – Every time I start a new job, OMELETTE go after a week.
STAIRWAY – When me and my homies get high, we STAIRWAY into space.
MOBILE – I went to buy crack, I was short on cash, my man said, “Gimme one MOBILE.”
DEFENSE – I ran from the cops, and hopped DEFENSE and got away.
AFRO – I got so mad at my girly, AFRO a lamp at her.
AFTERMATH – I like to be high in school, so AFTERMATH I go to the field and smoke weed.
LOCKET – I slam the door so hard, I LOCKET.
DOMINEERING – My girly’s birthday was yesterday, I got her a DOMINEERING.
KENYA – I needed change fo the subway, so I axe a stranger KENYA spare some change.
DERANGE – DERANGE is where da deer and antelope play.
DATA – At my basketball game, I scored thirty points. My coach said, “DATA boy!”
COPULATE – I called 911 and an hour later when they show up, I said, “COPULATE!”
FASCINATE – My girly’s boobs are so big. Her shirt has ten buttons, she can only FASCINATE!
BEWARE – I asked the man at the unemployment office, “Is this BEWARE I get a job?”
COATROOM – The judge said, “One more outburst like that, and you’ll be thrown out the COATROOM.”
DECIDE – I like Wanda and Yolanda, but I like to have a couple of babes on DECIDE.

They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel. She said to the bellman, “We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning.” “But, madam!”, replied the bellman. “Don’t ‘But madam’ me,” she continued. “You can’t treat us like we’re a couple of fools just because we don’t travel much, and we’ve never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I’m going to complain to the manager.” “Madam,” the bellman said, “this isn’t your room; this is the elevator!”

A man went to a brain store to get some brain for dinner. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offered at this particular brain store. So he asks the butcher:
How much for engineer brain?
Three dollars for one hundred grams.
How much for doctor brain?
Four dollars for one hundred grams.
How much for lawyer brain?
One hundred dollars for fifty grams.
Why is lawyer brain so much more?
Do you know how many lawyes you need to kill to get once ounce of brain?

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach?”

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run ononly five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water, temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation!" warning light.

7 . The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
 

ehde naam ch problem aa
ma v n enu pm kr pandi

ho skda

hahahahahahaha

Volvo hahaa nice aa veer thanks

i dunno wots da problem, but i cud not send u a pvt message despite best of my efforts..it always shows an error.

M i missing something.. wasnt funny :lost:

yea neurons n grey cells :happy:

The entire congregation came out to hear the preacher's first sermon. It lasted eight minutes. The next Sunday the preacher's sermon was forty-five minutes. His third sermon was two and a half hours.

The pulpit committee called the preacher in and said, "What is happening here?"

The preacher replied, "Well, on the first Sunday I had just had all of my teeth pulled. My mouth was sore, so my sermon was short. The next week, I had my new dentures and I was feeling fine."

The committee leader said, "But your third sermon was two and a half hours long!"

"Oh, yes," the preacher responded. "The third week, I picked up my wife's dentures by mistake."

A friend, driving home from a fishing trip in northern Michigan with his boat in tow, had engine trouble a few miles inland from Lake Huron. He didn't have a CB radio in his car. So, he decided to use his marine radio to get help. Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call letters and asked for assistance.

A Coast Guard officer responded, "Please give your location."

"I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish."

The officer paused, "Could you repeat that?"

"I-75, two miles south of Standish."

After a longer pause, an incredulous voice asked, "How fast were you going when you hit shore?"