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Messages - SonnenKinder
7561
« on: December 06, 2009, 08:39:24 PM »
now is that joke??
if not click here
:laugh:
ni veer mera jara punjabi vich hath tang hai :happy: aje b ni samj aaya i hai madanga
7562
« on: December 06, 2009, 08:32:51 PM »
I wish I had the time to follow this, it's really pathetic, lately I've been eating so unhealthy not to mention skipping workin out too...well couple more weeks, I shall get back to my routine :happy:
Non est vivere, sed valea vita est :happy: means Life is not merely living, but living in health
7563
« on: December 06, 2009, 08:29:32 PM »
lol this is like 3-4 time repeted joke :hehe:
didnt know dt. I joined PJ in Oct :happy:
7564
« on: December 06, 2009, 08:28:30 PM »
God chalu nikaleya  :
JK
god bechara dukhi c usda os din vich 3 baar crash hunda c
7565
« on: December 06, 2009, 07:23:33 PM »
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along!" the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us too." The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all!" the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind." "Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high!!"
7566
« on: December 06, 2009, 07:20:06 PM »
One winter morning a husband and wife in northern Minnesota were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer Say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electricity went out.
The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowploughs can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time..."
7567
« on: December 06, 2009, 07:05:52 PM »
A man on a beach sees a shark near a child in the shallows. Ignoring personal safety, he dives in the water and, with his bare hands, kills the shark. He brings the tot to shore and is met with tumultuous applause from spectators. "Geez, mate" says a reporter "You should get a medal. What part of Australia are you from?" Modestly our hero says: "Actually I'm from England" The next days newspaper headline says "Pommy mongrel kills child's pet"
7568
« on: December 06, 2009, 06:34:37 PM »
After getting all his luggage loaded in the limo, and His Holiness doesn't travel light, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
"Hey, Mr. Pope," says the driver in accented English. "Why have you not seated yourself in this excellent limo?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican and I'd really like to drive."
"That is very much against the rules!" protests the driver, wishing he'd never left Rome.
"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope gets in behind the wheel. He quickly regrets his decision when, after clearing the airport, the Pope accelerates the limo to 105 mph.
"Please be driving not so rapidly, Mr. Pope," pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal. Then they hear the siren.
"Oh, my gosh, now I am surely losing my license," moans the driver.
The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the patrolman approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatch.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
"So bust him," said the Chief.
"I think the guy's a big shot," said the cop.
"All the more reason."
"No, I mean really a big shot," said the cop.
"What'd ya got there, the Mayor?"
"Bigger."
"Governor."
"Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "who is it?"
"I don't know," said the cop, "but he's got the Pope driving for him.
7569
« on: December 06, 2009, 06:13:40 PM »
ON TESCO'S TIRIMISU DESERT - Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING - Product will be hot after heating.
ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON - Do not iron clothes on body.
ON BOOTS CHILDREN'S COUGH MEDICINE - Do not drive car or operate machinery.
ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID) - Warning: may cause drowsiness.
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE - Warning: keep out of children.
ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS - For indoor or outdoor use only.
ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR - Not to be used for the other use.
ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS - Warning: contains nuts
ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS - Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW - Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
ON A PACKET OF SUNMAID RAISINS - Why not try tossing over your favorite breakfast cereal?
7570
« on: December 06, 2009, 06:04:47 PM »
A lawyer is trying to call his clients. The phone rings and their little boy, in a whisper, says, "Hello."
Lawyer: "Is your mommy there?"
Boy: (whisper) "Yes."
Lawyer: "Can I speak with her?"
Boy: (whisper) "She's busy."
L: "Is your daddy there?"
B: (whisper) "Yes."
L: "Can I speak with him?"
B: (whisper) "He's busy."
L: "Is there anyone else there?"
B: (whisper) "The fire department."
L: "Can I talk to one of them?"
B: (whisper) "They're busy."
L: "Is there anybody ELSE there?"
B: (whisper) "The police department."
L: "Well, can I talk to one of THEM?"
B: (whisper) "They're busy."
L: "Let me get this straight, your mother, father, the fire department AND the police department are ALL in your house, and they're ALL busy. WHAT are they doing?"
B: (whisper) "They're looking for me."
7571
« on: December 06, 2009, 05:58:29 PM »
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side of the Lexus.
The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"My God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?!"
7572
« on: December 06, 2009, 05:35:21 PM »
BREAKFAST
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole-wheat toast
1 cup skim milk
LUNCH
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey's Kiss
AFTERNOON TEA
The rest of the Hershey Kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate-chip topping
DINNER
4 glasses of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family-size Supreme pizza
3 Snickers bars
LATE NIGHT SNACK
1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
REMEMBER: "Stressed" spelled backward is "desserts". Send this to four women and you will lose two pounds. Send this to all the women you know or ever knew), and you will lose 10 pounds. If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately. That's why I had to pass this on - I didn't want to risk it!
7573
« on: December 06, 2009, 05:13:11 PM »
Bill Gates died in an accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God...
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case, I'm going to let you decide where to go."
Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What's the difference between the two?"
God said, "you can visit both places to help you decide."
Bill said, "OK, let's try Hell first."
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect.
Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God, "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!"
"Fine," said God and off they went. Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a minute and said, "Hmm, I think I prefer Hell."
"Fine," retorted God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amongst the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.
"How's everything going, Bill?" God asked.
Bill cried out in anguish and disappointment, "This is horrible, this is not what I expected! I can't believe this happened! What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?!"
God replied, "That was the screen saver."
7574
« on: December 06, 2009, 03:37:43 AM »
Air Force One comes in for a landing at the airport. A ramp is wheeled up and President Clinton appears carrying a pig under each arm. As he comes down the ramp, the Marine at the bottom snaps to a salute.
Clinton says, "You'll have to excuse me. I can't return your salute. My hands are full."
"Yes Sir. I see the pigs Sir!" responds the Marine.
"Now hold on," says Clinton. "These aren't just pigs. These are genuine Arkansas Razorbacks."
"Yes Sir! Razorbacks Sir!" says the Marine.
"I got this one for Chelsea and this one for Hillary," Clinton explains.
The Marine answers, "Yes Sir! An excellent trade if I may say so myself Sir!"
7575
« on: December 06, 2009, 03:30:28 AM »
After undergoing complicated brain surgery, Lena suddenly fell
into a coma. The doctors tried very hard to resuscitate her
but to no avail. As she lay unconscious in the intensive care
unit, her husband, Tom was ushered to her bedside.
One of the doctors said in a quiet somber voice, "She fell into
a coma during the operation. I'm sorry but we did everything
possible to revive her. The prognosis is not good. Unless she
regains consciousness soon, we're ruling out a quick recovery.
It doesn't look good I'm afraid."
"Oh God," said Tom in soft trembling voice as he gazed at his
wife with pity and sadness and held her hand so tenderly. "I
find this hard to accept. Lena's so young to be this way. She's
only 45 years old, for goodness sake."
"37," came the weak reply from Lena.
7576
« on: December 06, 2009, 03:28:38 AM »
At the 2009 World Women's Conference the first speaker from Canada stood up:
"At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."
The crowd cheered.
The second speaker from France stood up: "After last year's Conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well."
The crowd cheered.
The third speaker from Glasgow stood up: "After last year's Conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his cooking, cleaning or shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye."
7577
« on: December 06, 2009, 03:25:15 AM »
AGE DRINK
17 Wine Coolers
25 White wine
35 Red wine
48 Dom Perignon
66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 Need to wash my hair
25 Need to wash and condition my hair
35 Need to color my hair
48 Need to have Francois color my hair
66 Need to have Francois color my wig
FAVORITE SPORT
17 shopping
25 shopping
35 shopping
48 shopping
66 shopping
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 "Burger King"
25 "Free meal"
35 "A diamond"
48 "A bigger diamond"
66 "Home Alone"
FAVORITE FANTASY
17 tall, dark and handsome
25 tall, dark and handsome with money
35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 a man with hair
66 a man
HOUSE PET
17 Muffy the cat
25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35 Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
48 Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66 Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 17
25 25
35 35
48 48
66 66
IDEAL DATE
17 He offers to pay
25 He pays
35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 He can chew breakfast
7578
« on: December 06, 2009, 03:14:53 AM »
A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same synagogue and at the end of the service the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"
7579
« on: December 06, 2009, 03:09:35 AM »
Man goes to see a Counsellor.
"Counsellor, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Counsellor asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Counsellor, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"
The Counsellor then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Counsellor calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
The man anxiously says, "Yes."
"Take the poison," says the Counsellor.
7580
« on: December 06, 2009, 03:07:06 AM »
These three men are going through MI6 training, trying to become secret agents. They finally get through all their written and physical tests when they are pulled aside by one of the instructors who takes them to a small room with a one way mirror in it looking into another room.
They bring the first guy's wife into that room and leave her there. The instructor then loads two rounds into a pistol, hands it to the first man and says "Go kill your wife of five years." The trainee takes the weapon, goes into the next room but comes back out 1 minute later and says "I can't do it." The instructor replies, "Then you fail out - get out."
They then bring the second guy's wife into the room and leave her there. The instructor then loads two rounds into a pistol, hands it to the second man and says "Go kill your wife of ten years." The trainee takes the weapon, goes into the next room but comes back out 3 minutes later and says "I can't do it." The instructor replies, "Then you fail out - get out."
Finally, they bring the third guy's wife into the room and leave her there. The instructor then loads two rounds into a pistol, hands it to the third man and says "Go kill your wife of fifteen years." The trainee takes the weapon, goes into the next room where there is silence for 1 minute. Suddenly, there are two gunshot sounds followed by a huge commotion in the room. The third man came out finally, sweating profusely, and says, "Good job, moron! You gave me blanks - I had to choke the bitch!"
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