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Messages - SonnenKinder
6681
« on: December 20, 2009, 09:33:42 PM »
thrs another one,, and the reason was pack of cigarettes
yea right i hv posted dt too
6682
« on: December 20, 2009, 09:32:55 PM »
Bump
Part 5 :happy:
hahahaha
6683
« on: December 20, 2009, 09:31:52 PM »
Bump
Part 3 :happy:
unbelievable coincidence. usually military strategies r well protected from spooks and such follies aint expected from top brass
6684
« on: December 20, 2009, 09:15:02 PM »
Bump
Part 2
P.S. - Some of the best post around in the forum mate .. Thanks
 veer. i juss try to post best but most of members are more interested in lighter sides of things. They dont like serious stuff and they are right in der own way coz they sign into net to hv fun and not read history :happy:
6685
« on: December 20, 2009, 09:09:52 PM »
Ok Bumping the topic... First I bump then I read :blink:
PART 1 :happy:
u sure wud enjoy reading :happy:
6686
« on: December 20, 2009, 09:07:49 PM »
they could've put more vicious looking snakes there :/
yea right, may be they didnt hv ur pic :laugh:
6687
« on: December 20, 2009, 09:06:07 PM »
Very Well Said ji...
Thank you :happy:
SOnnen is AWSOME :superhappy: :superhappy: :superhappy:
Veere, its true :happy:
6688
« on: December 20, 2009, 08:54:13 PM »
Three contractors were touring the white house on the same day. One was from New York, another from Missouri, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they each replied that they were contractors the guard said "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys look at it and give me a bid."
So to the back fence they went. First up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Next was the Missouri contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this Job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Then the guard asks the New York contractor how much. Without so much as moving the contractor says, $2700."
The guard, incredulous, looks at him and says "You didn't even measure like the guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
"Easy" says the contractor from New York, "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Missouri."
6689
« on: December 20, 2009, 08:46:18 PM »
The inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated:
Wash. Biol. Surv.
That is, until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:
"Dear Sirs,
While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."
The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service.
6690
« on: December 20, 2009, 08:44:09 PM »
Each evening, birdlover Tom Rowe stood in his backyard in Devon, England hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. Rowe even kept a log of the "conversation."
Just as Rowe thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with next door neighbor, Nancy Hollis.
"My husband spends his nights... calling out to owls," said Mrs. Rowe.
"That's odd," Mrs. Hollis replied. "So does my John."
Then it dawned on them.
6691
« on: December 20, 2009, 08:40:01 PM »
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color-coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think file clerks are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and tail are interchangeable
6692
« on: December 20, 2009, 08:36:38 PM »
The following is taken from a Florida newspaper:
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and the motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house.
The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance. Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of long steps to the street to direct the paramedics to her husband.
After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife uprighted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife obtained some papers towels, blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet.
The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated.
The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband laying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin.
The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same ambulance crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded the husband on the stretcher and began carrying him to the street.
While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm.
NOW THAT IS A BAD DAY :wait:
6693
« on: December 20, 2009, 08:29:17 PM »
Actual English subtitles used in films from Hong Kong.
•Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
•I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
•I will surround their house by myself.
•I am darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
•Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
•Gun wounds again?
•A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
•I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken.
•Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot.
•You daring lousy guy.
•Beat him out of recognizable shape!
•I have been scared silly too much lately.
•The bullets inside are very hot. Why do I feel so cold?
•The Americans will not save you for Christmas.
•Both of you will die when the sun hits the bell.
•You always use violence. I should've ordered glutinous rice chicken.
•I got knife scars more than the number of your leg's hair!
•Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.
6694
« on: December 20, 2009, 08:26:20 PM »
New Mexico jury awarded $ 2.9 million U.S. in damages to 81-year-old Stella Liebeck, who suffered third-degree burns to her legs, groin, and buttocks after spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself.
This case inspired an annual award - The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuit in the U.S.
The ones listed below are clear candidates. All these cases are verging on the outright ridiculous and yet with the right attorney you could win anything!
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little so-and-so was her own son.
2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars.
4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbour's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in it's owner's fenced-in yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
5. May 2000: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
6. December 1997: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
And the winner is:
Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City. In November 2000, Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he couldn't actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new Winnie. (Winnebago actually changed their handbooks on the back of this court case, just in case there are any other complete morons buying their vehicles.)
6695
« on: December 20, 2009, 08:21:06 PM »
You're too stupid to lead...
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence...
S.W.A.T. mosquitos...
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up...
And What Was Plan B?
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts...
And These Nitwits Are Teaching Our Children?!!
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher." And a student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy... not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy...
Some Days, It Just Doesn't Pay to Gnaw Through the Straps...
Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."
And for the Main Course...
A man in Taormina, Italy was hospitalized after swallowing 46 teaspoons, 2 cigarette lighters, and a pair of salad tongs.
The Getaway...
A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
Do-It-Yourself Brain Surgery?!
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
Have I Got a Deal for You!
More than 600 people in Italy wanted to ride in a spaceship badly enough to pay $10,000 a piece for the first tourist flight to Mars. According to the Italian police, the would-be space travelers were told to spend their "next vacation on Mars, amid the splendors of ruined temples and painted deserts. Ride a Martian camel from oasis to oasis and enjoy the incredible Martian sunsets. Explore mysterious canals and marvel at the views. Trips to the moon also available." Authorities believe that the con men running this scam made off with over six million dollars...
Too Well-Educated...
In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field, all this may not have happened..."
Did I Say That?!
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
Ouch, That Smarts!
A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around," said police spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside his pants." Police have the man's charred trousers in custody...
Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
6696
« on: December 20, 2009, 08:11:01 PM »
According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes," committed by young male repeat offenders who apparently don't know the first thing about their business. For instance it is reported that in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras, 76 percent of bank robbers use no disguise, 86 percent never study the bank before robbing it, and 95 percent make no long-range plans for concealing the loot. Thus, this advice is offered to would-be bank robbers, along with examples of what can happen if the rules aren't followed:
1. Pick the right bank. Clark advises that you don't follow the lead of the fellow in Anaheim, Cal., who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money. On the other hand, you don't want to be too familiar with the bank. A California robber ran into his mother while making his getaway. She turned him in.
2. Approach the right teller. Granted, this is harder to plan. One teller in Springfield, Mass., followed the holdup man out of the bank and down the street until she saw him go into a restaurant. She hailed a passing police car, and the police picked him up. Another teller was given a holdup note by a robber, and her father, who was next in line, wrestled the man to the ground and sat on him until authorities arrived.
3. Don't sign your demand note. Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh, on an envelope bearing the name and address of another in Detroit, and in East Hartford, Conn., on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber's signature and account number.
4. Beware of dangerous vegetables. A man in White Plains, N.Y., tried to hold up a bank with a zucchini. The police captured him at his house, where he showed them his "weapon."
5. Avoid being fussy. A robber in Panorama City, Cal., gave a teller a note saying, "I have a gun. Give me all your twenties in this envelope." The teller said, "All I've got is two twenties." The robber took them and left.
6. Don't advertise. A holdup man thought that if he smeared mercury ointment on his face, it would make him invisible to the cameras. Actually, it accentuated his features, giving authorities a much clearer picture. Bank robbers in Minnesota and California tried to create a diversion by throwing stolen money out of the windows of their cars. They succeeded only in drawing attention to themselves.
7. Take right turns only. Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a wrong turn and ended up on the Homestead Air Force Base. They drove up to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a tollbooth, offered the security men money.
8. Provide your own transportation. It is not clever to borrow the teller's car, which she carefully described to police. This resulted in the most quickly-solved bank robbery in the history of Pittsfield, Mass.
9. Don't be too sensitive. In these days of exploding dye packs, stuffing the cash into your pants can lead to embarrassing stains, not to mention severe burns in sensitive places - as bandits in San Diego and Boston painfully discovered.
10. Consider another line of work. One nervous Newport, R.I., robber, while trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his shirt pocket, shot himself in the head and died instantly. Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in Swansea, Mass., who, when the teller told him she had no money, fainted. He was still unconscious when the police arrived.
6697
« on: December 20, 2009, 08:05:32 PM »
These are reportedly taken from real resumes and cover letters.
•My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
•Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting.
•Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.
•Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet.
•I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.
•I am a rabid typist.
•Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side.
•Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business.
•Proven ability to track down and correct erors.
•Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far.
•I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one.
•References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me.
•Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.
•Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers.
•My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.
•I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.
•I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail.
•Qualifications: No education or experience.
•Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets.
•Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.
•Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!
•Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
•I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
•I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.
•Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.
•Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
•Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.
•Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
•It's best for employers that I not work with people.
•Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience.
•You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
•I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
•Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.
•Note: Please don't misconstrue my fourteen jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job.
•Marital status: often. Children: various.
•Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't work under those conditions.
•The company made me a scapegoat, just like my 3 previous employers.
•Finished eighth in my class of ten.
•My endless list of incredibly relevant job experiences is exceeded only by my modesty.
6698
« on: December 20, 2009, 07:58:13 PM »
These are actual lines from military performance appraisals or Officer Efficiency Reports (OERs).
•Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
•Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
•A room temperature IQ.
•Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the thingy to hold it all together.
•A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
•A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
•A prime candidate for natural deselection.
•Bright as Alaska in December.
•One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.
•If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
•Fell out of the family tree.
•Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
•He's so dense, light bends around him.
•If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
•If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
•If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
6699
« on: December 20, 2009, 07:51:40 PM »
Snail-Sucking (Live)
Armand Forcalquier, of Marseille, France, holds the record. In a contest held on Feb. 12, 1992, Armand sucked down 1,238 live snails in a little over 4 hours. "It was not easy," Armand boasted after he learned the record was his. "They cling to their shells, but they can't get away from me."
Callus Collection
Florence Franklin of Peoria, IL, holds the record. As of Sept 12, 1992, Florence had over 200 pounds of callus (sheets of hardened skin) in her collection. "I shave it off people," Florence told us. "They don't mind. Some people even autograph the big pieces."
Infestation of Mites (Group)
This record belongs to the 3,859 residents of Kildare, Montana. In 1989, visiting doctors certified that every person in the town was suffering from scabies, a skin disease caused by mite infection. "The mites seemed to be jumping from one person to another," the mayor of Kildare told us, "so we decided to get together and go for the record."
Socks (Continuous Wear)
David Horrigan, of Glen Ridge, NJ, claimed the record in 1989. In a sworn statement, Horrigan has worn the same pair every day for twenty years and 114 days. In 1983, shoe stores throughout New Jersey banned Andy from their premises. Since then he has purchased his shoes through the mail.
Feet (Smell)
On Aug. 21, 1991, Wanda Lake, 18, broke the record held by Dave Horrigan. Wanda removed her shoes in the crowded lobby of a Los Angeles theatre. In the five minutes that followed, the lobby was a chaotic mass of panic-stricken people trying desperately to escape. In the end, 42 people were sick, and 14 others had passed out
6700
« on: December 20, 2009, 07:44:48 PM »
A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals.
The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot and cook you, eat you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, he says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and shoots himself.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over - the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible.
The chief is appalled, and asks, "WHAT are you doing?!"
The New Yorker says, "So much for your canoe, jerk!!!"
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