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Messages - SonnenKinder
4921
« on: January 14, 2010, 07:18:39 PM »
haha probably a beginner
like me :happy:
4922
« on: January 14, 2010, 07:09:38 PM »
4923
« on: January 14, 2010, 10:56:12 AM »
July 18
I just tried to connect to America online, which I've heard is the best online service I can get. I can't connect, I don't know what is wrong.
July 19
Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?
July 20
I bought the modem, I couldn't figure out where it goes though, it wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 21
I finally got the modem in and hooked up. A three year old next door did it for me.
July 22
The three year old kid next door hooked me up to America online for me. He's so smart.
July 23
What the heck is the internet? I thought I was on America Online, not this internet thingy. I'm confused.
Jyly 24
The three year old kid next door showed me how to use this America Online stuff. He must be a genius at least compared to me.
July 25
I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer but nothing happened. Maybe I need to buy a microphone.
July 26
I found this thingy called Usenet. I got out of it because I'm connected to America Online, not Usenet. I went to the doctor today for my regular checkup. He says that since I connected, My brain has mysteriously shrunk to half its normal size.
July 27
These people in this Usenet thingy keep using capital letters. How do they do that? i never figured out how to type capital letters. Maybe they have a different type of keyboard.
July 28
I found this thingy called the Usenet oracle. It says that it can answer any questions I ask it. I asked it 44 separate questions about the internet. I hope it responds soon.
July 29
I found a group called rec.humor. I decided to post this joke about why the chicken crossed the road. To get to the other side! ha ha! I wasn't sure if i posted it right so I posted it 56 more times.
July 30
I keep hearing about the World Wide Web. I didn't know spiders grew that large
July 31
The oracle responded to my questions today. Geez, it was rude. I was so angry that I posted an angry message about it to rec.humor.oracle.d. I wasn't sure if it posted right so I posted it 22 more times
August 1
Someone told me to read the FAQ. Geez, they didn't have to use profanity.
Augut 2
I just read this post called make money fast. I'm so exited, I'm going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions and posted it to every newsgroup i could find.
August 3
I just made my signature file. It's only 6 pages long, So I will have to work on it some more.
Augut 4
I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a few posts and I really believe that aol should be wiped off the face of the Earth. I wonder what an "aol" is, however.
August 5
I was asking where to find some information about something. Some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. I've looked and looked, but I cant find that group.
August 6
Some guy suspended my account because of what i was doing. I told him I don't have an account at his bank. He's so dumb.
4924
« on: January 14, 2010, 10:16:53 AM »
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.
"The bottle has a hole in it!"
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.
"And it's missing three keys,"
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."
4925
« on: January 14, 2010, 10:09:23 AM »
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"
4926
« on: January 14, 2010, 10:07:49 AM »
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.
It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.
Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.
4927
« on: January 14, 2010, 09:05:50 AM »
Bubba & Earl were in the local bar enjoying a beer when they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Earl won 1st prize, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti. Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet brush. About a week or so had passed when the men met back in the neighborhood bar for a couple of beers. Bubba asked Earl how he liked his prize. Earl replied, 'Great, I love spaghetti! How about you, how's that toilet brush?' 'Not so good,' replied Bubba. 'I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper.'
4928
« on: January 14, 2010, 09:01:44 AM »
A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asks, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?" The coroner says, "No." The attorney then asks, "Did you listen for a heart beat?" "No." "So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?" The coroner, now tired of the brow beating says, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."
4929
« on: January 14, 2010, 08:36:45 AM »
A Russian track coach, interviewed by a Canadian sportswriter, was asked why the Soviets are now producing such fast runners.
"It's really quite simple," the coach replied. "We use real bullets in our starting guns."
4930
« on: January 14, 2010, 08:34:33 AM »
Three fishermen were fishing when they came upon a mermaid, who offered them one wish each.
The first fisherman said: "Double my I.Q." so the mermaid did it and, to his surprise, he started reciting Shakespeare.
Then the second fisherman said: "Triple my I.Q." and sure enough the mermaid did it. Amazingly, he started doing complex math problems he didn't even know existed.
The third fisherman was so impressed he asked the mermaid to quadruple his I.Q., but the mermaid asked, "Are you sure about that? It will change your whole life!"
"Yes, yes," replied the impatient fisherman, "quadruple my I.Q."
So the mermaid turned him into a woman.
4931
« on: January 14, 2010, 08:22:57 AM »
Bubba, fresh from the cornfields of his family farm, was encouraged to try out for the local football team.
"Can you tackle?" asked the coach.
"Watch this," said Bubba, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.
"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"
"Of course I can run," said Bubba. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.
"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"
Bubba rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds, then said, "Well, sir, if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
4932
« on: January 14, 2010, 08:01:34 AM »
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying his situation, he says quietly to himself, "I'm toast."
A ray of light breaks forth from the sky and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT toast. Pick up that stone in front of you and bash the head of the chief."
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash in the head of the chief. He is breathing heavily while standing above the sprawled out-chief.
Surrounding him are the 100 native warriors with a look of shock on their faces.
The voice booms out again: "Okay... NOW you're toast!"
4933
« on: January 14, 2010, 07:58:52 AM »
The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready.
The Japanese won by a mile.
Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action.
The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team.
So as race day neared again the following year, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area steering managers and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.
The next year, the Japanese won by two miles.
Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.
4934
« on: January 14, 2010, 07:55:23 AM »
Recently in Traffic Court, a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there.
The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would.
The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you 57 dollars. Next..."
4935
« on: January 14, 2010, 07:52:17 AM »
I was in the VIP lounge last week en route to Seattle, when I noticed Bill Gates sitting on the couch enjoying a cognac. I was meeting a very important client that was also flying to Seattle with me, but she was running a bit late.
Being the fairly forward person I am, I approached Mr. Gates and introduced myself. I explained to him that I was conducting some very important business, and how I would really appreciate it if he could throw a quick 'Hello Chris' at me while I was with my client. He agreed.
Ten minutes later when I was conversing with my client, I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates. I turned around and looked up at him.
He said "Hey Chris, what's happening?"
I replied, "Take a hike Gates. I'm in a meeting
4936
« on: January 14, 2010, 07:47:40 AM »
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to fly to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign read "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.
The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because they gave me a technically correct, but completely useless answer."
4937
« on: January 14, 2010, 07:45:40 AM »
Given that Al Gore has no job, he decided to take a sightseeing vacation to Europe. While visiting Europe, he is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."
She phones Toni Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it? Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and goodbye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Gore?"
"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning home, he decides he'd better put some of his old friends to the test. He calls Bill Clinton and says, "Hi, Bill, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, Al. What's on your mind?"
"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Clinton hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Gore agrees and Clinton hangs up.
Clinton immediately calls members of his old staff, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer.
Finally, in desperation, Clinton calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem. "Now look here, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you idiot."
Much relieved, Clinton rushes back to call Gore and exclaims. "I know the answer Al! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!!
And Gore replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Tony Blair
4938
« on: January 14, 2010, 07:42:11 AM »
If you send this message off to 20 people within the next 4 days, and each of them send it off to 20 other people within 4 days...
In 40 days, approximately 10 trillion of these messages will cross the Internet.
From day 40 to day 44, an additional 200 trillion of these messages will cross the Internet, at an average of 50 trillion messages per day.
From day 44 to 48, an additional 4,000 trillion of these messages will cross the Internet, at an average of 1,000 trillion messages a day, 41.7 trillion messages per hour, 694 billion messages per minute, or 11.6 billion messages per second.
Of course, the Internet will have ground to a complete halt way before then, and a good thing too, because by day 44 (assuming each man, woman and child in the world is tied to the Internet) you would have to respond to about 2 chain email letters per second, sending off 20 responses each second, giving you 5/100 of a second to send each message. If you drop the ball, you will break about 1,800,000 chain letters per day, bringing almost two million times the bad luck upon yourself than if you broke the first chain letter to begin with.
The logical conclusion? It is better to break the initial chain letter and receive one dose of bad luck than to continue the chain letter, and by day 44, receive 1,800,000 doses of bad luck.
I knew one poor fellow who ended up in such a circumstance. He ended up having 287,345 heart attacks, losing 5,137 wives, got fired from at least 100,000 jobs, and was run over by a truck. His Visa card was also revoked. Nobody liked him anymore. He finally ended up committing suicide 459 times, but he was so unlucky, he was never successful. Finally, he resigned to the idea of not dying, and was immediately hit by a meteorite and vaporized. But his cells went on to experience even more bad luck...
4939
« on: January 14, 2010, 06:58:59 AM »
tere jive dhindora n pitde v han ma washroom ja ke aya ma washroom ja ke aya :hehe: :hehe: :hehe:
oh ki kende pher ma make up room gaya c :laugh: :laugh:
4940
« on: January 14, 2010, 06:55:32 AM »
aho ma tenu dasna bhul gai bathera hundiyea.. ma jandi aa ure da hessab kitab.... aven gal bnaune aa nah.. dekh eh net aa sare ure aunde aa hasse paun . par loki aven galan baunde aa jive pata n jameena vandnea hon... ma kine dinah toh ik gal note kar raiaa tenu dasungi.. may be ho skda aa oh mera veham hove....
teek aa jado dil kru dass di
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