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Messages - SonnenKinder
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 [7] 8 9 10 11 12 ... 467
121
« on: December 02, 2011, 08:02:40 PM »
122
« on: November 23, 2011, 07:35:51 PM »
1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
20. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
22. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. [/b]
123
« on: November 22, 2011, 08:05:46 PM »
124
« on: October 23, 2011, 11:56:53 PM »
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.
After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighborhood with big, stately residences...no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.
He really, really has to go, after all those Guinnesses. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.
As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London police officer, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really have to go, and I just can't find a public restroom."
"Ah, yes," said the policeman..."Just follow me". He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the policeman. "Go ahead sir, anywhere you like."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the police officer, "That was really decent of you... is that what you call English hospitality?"
"No sir...", replied the police officer, "...that is what we call the American Embassy."
125
« on: October 23, 2011, 11:52:40 PM »
BEAUTY PARLOR:
A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP:
Never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
KLEENEX:
Cold Storage.
INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES:
Something other people have. You have character lines.
126
« on: October 23, 2011, 12:48:28 AM »
hahaha, welcome back SonnenKinder.
ty veer jee
127
« on: October 23, 2011, 12:47:28 AM »
Yea read this a few times on PJ already
Aah I am always late :sad:
128
« on: October 23, 2011, 12:43:37 AM »
A conversation before marriage...
He : Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She : Do you want me to leave?
He : No! Don't even think about it.
She : Do you love me?
He : Of course! Over and over!
She : Have you ever cheated on me?
He : No! Why are you even asking?
She : Will you kiss me?
He : Every chance I get.
She : Will you hit me?
He : Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She : Can I trust you?
He : Yes.
She : Darling!
To read a conversation after marriage, simply read this in reverse...
129
« on: October 23, 2011, 12:37:09 AM »
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"
And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Ranch Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.
130
« on: October 23, 2011, 12:28:15 AM »
Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly.
"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.
"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.
"So? Are you afraid?"
"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.
As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely.
Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "Why are you crying now?"
To which Bob replied, "I came for a urine test!
131
« on: October 23, 2011, 12:24:26 AM »
Q. Your riding a horse at full speed, a giraffe is beside you, an elephant in front of you and a lion behind you! What do you do???
A. You get your drunk ass off of the carousel !!!
132
« on: October 21, 2011, 11:42:09 PM »
1.Q: What did one math book say to the other?
A: Man I got a lot of problems!
2.A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!
3.A family went to a hospital, where one of their relatives would be having a brain transplant. One of the relatives asked, "What will the cost of a new brain be?" The doctor replied, "A male brain costs $25,000 and a female brain costs $50,000." The women smirked, but one of the males asked, "Why is that, doctor?" "Well," the doctor replied,” the male brain is less because it has been used."
4.Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours?
A: Nacho cheese!
5."Cash, check or charge?" the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"Do you always carry your TV remote?" the cashier asked.
"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."
133
« on: October 21, 2011, 11:23:20 PM »
I AM ARROGANT.
134
« on: October 21, 2011, 01:01:48 PM »
October 24, 2010, 10:31:55 AM
Is that your birth day? Well hilarious u r PJ's youngest member. Congrats.
135
« on: October 21, 2011, 05:35:45 AM »
bron 1992
Sorry but I have almost stopped logging into PJ since a year. I hv resolved never to post or comment or reply but your curiosity about your birth year 1992 made me share some important features of year 1992. Enjoy! 1. Windows 3.1 released by Microsoft. 2. AT & T release video telephone. 3. Space Shuttle Endeavour successful maiden voyage. 4. The satirical British magazine Punch publishes it's final issue after 150 years due to falling sales and subscriptions . 5. A telephone conversation is recorded between an unknown woman ( Diana the Princess of Wales ) talking to an unknown man about her unhappy marriage . 6. Popular Films Aladdin Home Alone 2: Lost in New York Batman Returns Lethal Weapon 3 A Few Good Men 7. Prince Charles and Princess Diana seperate. 8. Mike Tyson Convicted of the Rape Miss Black Rhode Island, Desiree Washington. 9. McDonalds opens first McDonalds in Beijing China. 10. The UK government closes 31 out of 50 of Britain's deep coal mines. P.S In India, Hindus demolished Babri Masjid.
136
« on: October 19, 2011, 11:16:55 PM »
Love is a state of mind when mind is out of mind. :happy:
137
« on: March 06, 2011, 09:31:18 PM »
138
« on: March 05, 2011, 02:17:34 AM »
139
« on: March 05, 2011, 01:57:43 AM »
Guaranteed to make u smile.....especially since its a true story On July 20, 1969, as Commander of Apollo 11 Lunar Module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the Moon. His first words after stepping on the moon " Thats one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind", were televised to Earth and heard by millions.
But before he just re-entered the Lander, he made an enigmatic remark "GOOD LUCK MR. GORSKY".
Many people at Nasa thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut,however upon checking, there was no Gorsky either in Russian or American Space Programs.
Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good Luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
On july 5, 1995 in Tampa Bay, Florida while answering questions, following a speech, a Reporter brought up the 26 years old question to Armstrong.
This time he finally responded, Mr Gorsky had died, so Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
In 1938 when he was a kid in a small midwest town, he was playing baseball with a friend in backyard. His friend hit the ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by the bedroom windows.
His neighbors were Mrs. and Mr. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Sex! You want sex? You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon. TRUE STORY
140
« on: March 04, 2011, 09:42:30 PM »
1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.
(Kelly, age 6)
2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Age 7)
4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend anymore. (Kylie, age 6)
5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)
6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)
8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)
11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)
13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)
14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don’t know. (Bobby, age 6)
15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)
If you didn't smile at at least one of these, you need to find a better sense of humor. Ignore if u find some words offensive but i wanted to put down exact words said by Kids.
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