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Topics - SonnenKinder
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901
« on: December 05, 2009, 05:59:42 PM »
902
« on: December 05, 2009, 05:39:12 PM »
903
« on: December 05, 2009, 06:40:32 AM »
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"Sure I can't tell you that, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew.
His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Five good leads," says Tommy
904
« on: December 05, 2009, 06:05:40 AM »
905
« on: December 05, 2009, 05:55:43 AM »
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.
The Russians used a pencil
906
« on: December 05, 2009, 05:54:21 AM »
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
907
« on: December 05, 2009, 05:51:58 AM »
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,
Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
But what does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes is silent for a moment.
“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
908
« on: December 05, 2009, 05:25:48 AM »
909
« on: December 05, 2009, 05:21:45 AM »
As we all know, it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1 degree centigrade. Translated into meaningful terms, this means that if you eat a very cold dessert (generally consisting of water in large part), the natural processes which raise the consumed dessert to body temperature during the digestive cycle literally sucks the calories out of the only available source, your body fat. For example, a dessert served and eaten at near 0 degrees C (32.2 deg.F) will in a short time be raised to the normal body temperature of 37 degrees C (98.6 deg. F). For each gram of dessert eaten, that process takes approximately 37 calories as stated above. The average dessert portion is 6 oz, or 168 grams. Therefore, by operation of thermodynamic law, 6,216 calories (1 cal./gm/deg. x 37 deg. x 168 gms) are extracted from body fat as the dessert's temperature is normalized. Allowing for the 1,200 latent calories in the dessert, the net calorie loss is approximately 5,000 calories. Obviously, the more cold dessert you eat, the better off you are and the faster you will lose weight, if that is your goal.
This process works equally well when drinking very cold beer in frosted glasses. Each ounce of beer contains 16 latent calories, but extracts 1,036 calories (6,216 cal. per 6 oz. portion) in the temperature normalizing process. Thus the net calorie loss per ounce of beer is 1,020 calories. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to calculate that 12,240 calories (12 oz. x 1,020 cal./oz.) are extracted from the body in the process of drinking a can of beer.
Frozen desserts, e.g., ice cream, are even more beneficial, since it takes 83 cal./gm to melt them (i.e., raise them to 0 deg. C) and an additional 37 cal./gm to further raise them to body temperature. The results here are really remarkable, and it beats running hands down.
Unfortunately, for those who eat pizza as an excuse to drink beer, pizza (loaded with latent calories and
served above body temperature) induces an opposite effect. But, thankfully, as the astute reader should have already reasoned, the obvious solution is to drink a lot of beer with pizza and follow up immediately with large bowls of ice cream.
We could all be thin if we were to adhere religiously to a pizza, beer, and ice cream diet. :laugh:
HOW IS THAT :laugh: :laugh:
910
« on: December 04, 2009, 11:44:45 PM »
Facts that are Interesting, Trivial & Useful…
… all at the same time
1.That citrus soda 7-UP was created in 1929; "7" was selected because the original containers were 7 ounces. "UP" indicated the direction of the bubbles.
2.Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
3.Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
4.The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.
5.American car horns beep in the tone of F.
6.No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times.
7.Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
8.1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.
9.You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
10.Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
11.The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
12.The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
13.A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
14.American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class.
15.Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
16.The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA."
17.Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
18.The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once had.
19.The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
20.Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
21.The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.
22.Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
23.Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser.
24.Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
25.Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
26.Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
27.All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.
28.Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
29.The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly.
30.Debra Winger was the voice of E.T.
31.Pearls melt in vinegar.
32.It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.
33.Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
34.The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
35.It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
36.The average life span of a major league baseball: seven pitches.
37.A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why.
38.The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days when the engines were pulled by horses. 39.The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
40.Richard Milhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters found in the word "criminal."
911
« on: December 04, 2009, 11:29:46 PM »
Engineers Outlook on Life
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
............... To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines.
They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is."
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.
The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $ 1. Knowing where to put it $49,999.
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
912
« on: December 04, 2009, 11:20:51 PM »
---- --
RULES OF ETIQUETTE
1.PERSONAL HYGIENE While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the tastes of finger foods.
2.DINING OUT When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
3.ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
Do not allow the dog to eat at the table ... no matter how good his manners are.
4.DATING (Outside the Family) Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
5.MOVIE THEATRE ETIQUETTE Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
6.WEDDINGS Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
7.DRIVING ETIQUETTE Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles - even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
When sending your wife down the road with a fuel can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
8.TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS Never take a beer to a job interview.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home
913
« on: December 04, 2009, 11:11:19 PM »
Awhile back I was reading about an expert on the subject of time management. One day this expert was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget.
As this man stood in front of the group of high-powered over achievers he said, "Okay, time for a quiz." Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full ?"
Everyone in the class said, "Yes." Then he said, "Really ?" He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks. Then he asked the group once more, "Is the jar full ?"
By this time the class was onto him. "Probably not," one of them answered. "Good !" he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, "Is this jar full ?"
"No !" the class shouted. Once again he said, "Good !" Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and asked, "What is the point of this illustration ?"
One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it !"
"No", the speaker replied, "that's not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all."
What are the ‘big rocks’ in your life ? A project that YOU want to accomplish ? Time with your loved ones ? Your faith, your education, your finances ? A cause ?
Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all.
So, tonight or in the morning when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself this question: What are the ‘big rocks’ in my life or business ? Then, put those in your jar first.
Alternative ending
…. Then he grabbed a pitcher of beer and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and asked, "What is the point of this illustration ?"
One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, there is always room for beer !"
914
« on: December 04, 2009, 10:07:41 PM »
December 1st
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
=================================
December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that, Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
======================================
December 3rd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts exchange no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10
is too much money.
Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director
=============================================
December 9th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
People, people-nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."
Patty Lewis
Human Retraces
====================================================
December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
Vegetarians I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the grill of death," as you put it, and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now...Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
The Bitch from Hell
================================================
December 14th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Holidays !
Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director
915
« on: December 04, 2009, 09:39:24 PM »
916
« on: December 04, 2009, 09:33:35 PM »
917
« on: December 04, 2009, 09:26:50 PM »
918
« on: December 04, 2009, 08:39:51 AM »
The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and class room discussions; most were from fifth- and sixth-graders. They illustrate Mark Twain's contention that the "most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop."
Question: What is one horsepower?
Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes
to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because
it made man think.
You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.
Talc is found in rocks and on babies.
The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.
When they broke open molecules, they found they were
only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms,
they found them stuffed with explosions.
Clouds are high flying fogs.
When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.
To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water
out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back
in.
The process of turning steam back into water again is called
conversation.
The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.
Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of
them.
Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what
you are talking about.
Geometry teaches us to bisex angles.
A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
Rainbows are just to look at, not to really
understand.
An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a
bull that gave a great deal of milk with a bull with good
meat.
We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by
spontaneous generation and study of rocks.
English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and
soil his corpse.
By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-
haired sheep.
If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of
adolescence.
Vegetative propagation is the process by which one
individual manufactures another individual by accident.
A triangle which has an angle of 135º is called an obscene
triangle.
A person should take a bath once in the summer, and not quite so often in the winter.
The hookworm larvae enters the human body through the
soul.
When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a
glacier.
It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the
mind.
Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human
branes have more convulsions.
For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently
back and forth.
Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets
have east and west poles.
When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ
did long ago in wintertime.
For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a
blanket for shock.
While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance
from the sun, it is really only centrificating.
Some day we may discover how to make magnets that can
point in any direction.
South America has cold summers and hot winters, but
somehow they still manage.
Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.
Water freezes at 32º and boils at 212º. There are 180º
between freezing and boiling because there are 180º
between north and south.
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which
way it wants to go.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet
to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.
There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of
the Earth because of so much population stomping around up
there these days.
Lime is a green-tasting rock.
Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils while
others preferred to be oil.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more
extinct it is.
Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you
don't why you should.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them
know we know they're there.
Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help
make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.
Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.
Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the
species.
Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats
backwards.
To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male
wears a condominium.
We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation.
Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget
to put the top on.
To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to
chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.
I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know
how to do it, and that is the important thing.
Clouds just keep circling the Earth around and around. And
around. There is not much else to do.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough
to be called a drop, it does.
When there is fog, you might as well not mind looking at it.
Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding
water.
We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown
when we breathe.
In making rain water, it takes everything from H to O.
When rainwater strikes forest fires, it heckstingwishes
them. Luckily it affects we of the humans unlike that.
Rain is often spoken of as soft water, oppositely known as
hail.
Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.
Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue
will kill the strongest man.
A blizzard is when it snows sideways.
A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
A thunderstorm is like a shower, only more so.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their
names sound.
It is so hot in some parts of the world that the people there
have to live other places.
The wind is like the air, only pushier.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them
and makes them perspire.
Question: In what ways are we dependent on the sun?
Answer: We can always depend on the sun for sunburn and
tidal waves.
Until it is decided whether tornadoes are typhoons or hurricanes, we must continue to call them tornadoes.
In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find
there are twice as many H's as O's.
Water is composed of two gins,
Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin.
Hydrogin is gin and water.
When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath,
you expire.
H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a
test tube.
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon
monoxide.
Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a
free state.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and
caterpillars.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow
instead of the bull.
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can
hold.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like
umbrellas.
The body consists of three parts-the brainium, the borax
and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain,
the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the bominable
cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o
and u.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been
taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose
of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs.
A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight
cupids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.
The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All
water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in
the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the
sun joins in this fight.
Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through
Africa.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
Momentum: What you give a person when they are going
away.
Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is
affirmative or negative.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the
nose.
For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until
the heart stops.
For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and
down to make Artificial perspiration.
For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her
arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the
knees of the nearest medical doctor.
For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has
not recovered, then kill it.
For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the
patient is dead.
To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.
For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it
drops in your throat.
To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow.
919
« on: December 04, 2009, 08:30:18 AM »
The following appeared in the February 1998 issue of Parenting. Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:
Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your
OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.
The Baby's Name
1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice
pronouncing and writing combinations of all your
favorites.
2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt
Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where
your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!
Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember
that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate
them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and
discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries
1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown - you
pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake
your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the
mechanical swing.
Activities
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing,
and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry
cleaner.
Going Out
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you
call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to
leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she
sees blood.
At Home
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the
baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your
older child isn't squeezing, poking or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the
children.
920
« on: December 03, 2009, 09:37:21 PM »
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