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Topics - SonnenKinder
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701
« on: December 23, 2009, 08:16:02 AM »
Well, there is good news and bad news about my Christmas decorations. The good news is that I truly outdid myself this year. The bad news is that I had to take them down after only two days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever. But two things made me take it down. First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by. Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the ladder and almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). She was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tyre tracks where people literally drove up my yard. I think I made him too real this time . But it was fun while it lasted. Have a look :happy: 
702
« on: December 22, 2009, 07:12:38 PM »
1. CRACK OPEN A CAN OF BEER Toolmaker Ermal Fraze was on a picnic in 1959 when he realized he had no way to open his beverage. At the time, drinking from a can required a triangular tool called a "church key" to punch two holes in the top. Because no one had thought to bring one, Fraze tried to use a car bumper to pierce the container. The result was a foamy mess. Several nights later, while suffering from insomnia, Fraze went down to his workshop. By the next morning, he'd developed a built-in, tear-off opener for cans. Over time, Fraze refined the idea, and by 1965, 75 percent of American brewers were using Fraze's ring-pull design for their beer. 2. SHAVE YOUR STUBBLE Although he'd written extensively about the evils of capitalism, King Camp Gillette still dreamed of getting rich. As a traveling salesman, he understood that the key to financial success was to create something that people would have to buy over and over again. But his big idea didn't hit him until he started shaving one morning in 1895. At the time, Gillette was using a traditional safety razor, which had to be sharpened after almost every use. So, Gillette imagined a blade that could simply be thrown away when it became dull. By putting a sharp edge on a thin piece of sheet steel, he created the first disposable razor. It took him eight years to get the invention to market, but once it hit stores, Gillette quickly became a millionaire. Gillette's razor patent, dated November 15, 1904 In 1913, he retired to California to grow fruit and pursue his utopian dream of founding a city called Metropolis, where everyone would live in perfect harmony. Let's just say the shaving venture went more smoothly. 3. TAKE A COLD SHOWER In 1958, Jean Hoerni was one of eight engineers at the Fairchild Semiconductor company racing to build a better high-speed transistor. At the time, transistors were easily disrupted by dust or moisture, which is, you know, everywhere. One morning, Hoerni was taking a shower when he noticed the way the water flowed over his hands, and it gave him an idea. If the transistors could be coated in the right substance, then dust and moisture would just flow right over them. He then thought of silicon dioxide, the perfect material for the job. His solution eventually led to the integrated circuit, the silicon chip, and almost everything else to come out of Silicon Valley. 4. WALK THE DOG One evening in 1948, George de Mestral was getting ready to go out to dinner when his wife asked him to zip up the back of her dress. As he struggled with the jammed zipper, he longed for a better way to fasten cloth. A few weeks later, he was walking his dog in the woods when he noticed that his pants were covered in burrs. When he got home, he examined one of the burrs under his microscope and noticed that it was covered with tiny hooks that stuck to the small loops of thread in his clothes. By replicating the idea using little hooks and loops made of nylon, de Mestral developed Velcro. He eventually sold the rights to the patent and made millions in royalties, never to deal with zippers again. 5. DREAM A LITTLE DREAM In the late 1830s, Elias Howe Jr. was working as a machinist's apprentice when he overheard someone say that the first person to invent a small automatic sewing machine would make a fortune. Howe decided to take on the challenge, but it proved harder than he thought. Then one night, he awoke from a nightmare about being captured by cannibals and stuffed into a stew-pot. The dream nagged at him until he realized that the cannibals had each carried a spear with a hole in the tip. This was the breakthrough that Howe needed. Traditional sewing needle were designed so that the hole carrying the thread went through the fabric last. For Howe's machine to work, he needed the hole to go through first. He patented his sewing machine in 1846, but other manufacturers, including Isaac Singer, stole his design. After a lengthy court battle, Howe was finally awarded royalties on all sewing machine sales until both he and his patent expired in 1867.
703
« on: December 22, 2009, 06:53:04 PM »
British artist Paul Hazelton makes sculptures from household dust. Pictured above is one example entitled “Moth-er”, measuring about 4 by 5 centimeters. Hazelton writes: As I work the dirt towards the immaculate and the immaculate towards the dirt, creation moves towards non-existence. It is here, where material almost becomes immaterial, that the immaculate and degenerate become one and the same. For in time, the dust settles and cleanliness gives way to degeneration – The muddle of youth slowly turns to the mud of old age and the soul returns to the soil. For Picasso, who in later life suffered a morbid fear of degeneration and death, Art was to wash away from the soul, the dust of everyday life. Perhaps I have a morbid fascination, but I seem unable to separate the innocence of youth with the corruption that comes with age. The result is something quite fragile that dissolves from life. You would love to watch some of his masterpieces :happy:
704
« on: December 22, 2009, 06:27:32 PM »
Most of us think of ketchup as a condiment, but would you believe that the ubiquitous ketchup can be used to restore chlorine-damaged hair and make copper pots shiny? Read on: 1.Restore chlorine-damaged hair Chlorine from the swimming pool can turn blond hair green or give your hair a distinct smell. The household solution is quite simple: a ketchup shampoo! Do this in the shower, as it can get quite messy: massage ketchup into our hair and leave it for about fifteen minutes, then wash thoroughly. The green color and chlorine smell are gone. 2.Brighten copper pots and pans When your copper pots and pans get tarnished and dull, don't reach for expensive chemicals. Simply rub ketchup and a pinch of salt onto the copper surface and let sit for about 30 minutes. Rinse and dry for gleaming copper pots. 3.Brighten silver jewelry If you have silver ring, earrings, necklace or bracelet that has gotten a little dull over the years, simply dab some ketchup on it for a few minutes. If it has detailed surface, you may have to use a toothbrush to make sure the ketchup gets into the little crevices. Rinse with water to reveal a shiny silver jewelry. 4.Get rid of skunk odor If you've been skunked, here's an easy way to get rid of that terrible skunk odor: soak your clothes in tomato juice or a solution of ketchup and water. Beware of stains - you don't want to trade a smelly shirt for one with a ketchup stain! P.S :-In 1981, the United States Department of Agriculture proposed to classify ketchup as vegetable to allow schools to meet nutritional standards. The idea was widely ridiculed and the proposal was quietly dropped.
705
« on: December 22, 2009, 06:11:06 PM »
When 6-year-old Elena Desserich was diagnosed with brain cancer, she began hiding hundreds of little love notes around the house for her parents to find after she was gone. Here’s the story: Just before her sixth birthday, Elena Desserich (left) was diagnosed with brain cancer and given 135 days to live. She lived 255 days, passing away in 2007. After her death, Elena’s parents, Brooke and Keith, found hundreds of notes from Elena hidden around the house — in between CD cases, between bookshelves, in dresser drawers, in backpacks…. "It just felt like a little hug from her, like she was telling us she was looking over us" Elena left hundreds of notes like these
706
« on: December 22, 2009, 05:47:02 PM »
This is a Naked Mole Rat. Cousin to the rare Old Navy Sweater-Wearing Mole Rat. This cutie is interesting because he lacks the ability to feel pain. Yeeeah. I kinda wish I had that trait right about now. Maybe if we hadn't stored this confection in a grimy cabinet and put a ravioli under the sheets, we could have avoided this infestation, hmm? And speaking of infestations... Do you think if you made a cake like this out of Twinkies, it'd be twice as likely to survive a nuclear holocaust? Just wondering. Hey, ever wonder what you'd get if you crossed a naked mole rat with a roach? Yeah, me neither. Still, I bet it'd look something like this:
707
« on: December 22, 2009, 05:26:57 PM »
The Tower Bridge stands over the River Thames in London and is one of the world’s most recognisable bridges in the world. One of the most famous examples of the bascule type is the Tower Bridge, which spans the River Thames just below London Bridge. It is the most distinctive of London’s bridges and its construction was a masterly engineering achievement. Engineers were able to build this type of bridge without interrupting traffic on the great commercial waterway. Westminster Bridge is a road and foot traffic bridge over the River Thames between Westminger and Lambeth.This bridge was esteemed one of the most complete and elegant structures of the kind in the world. It is built entirely of stone, and extends over the river at a place where it is 1,223 feet broad, which is above 300 feet broader than at London Bridge. On each side is a fine balustrade of stone, with places of shelter from the rain. The width of the bridge is 44 feet, having on each side a fine Footway for passengers. It consisting of fourteen piers, and thirteen large and two small arches, all semicircular, that in the centre being 76 feet wide, and the rest decreasing four feet each from the other; so that the two last arches of the thirteen great ones are each 52 feet. It is computed that 40,000l. value in stone and other materials is always under water. The Bosphorus or Bosporus , also known as the Istanbul Strait , is a strait that forms part of the boundary between the European part of Turkey and its Asian part . It is one of the Turkish Straits, along with the Dardanelles. The world’s narrowest strait used for international navigation, it connects the Black Sea with the Sea of Marmara (which is connected by the Dardanelles to the Aegean Sea, and thereby to the Mediterranean Sea). It is approximately 30 km (19 mi) long, with a maximum width of 3,700 m (12,139 ft) at the northern entrance, and a minimum width of 700 m (2,297 ft) between Kandilli and A?iyan; and 750 m (2,461 ft) between Anadoluhisar? and Rumelihisar?. The depth varies from 36 to 124 m (118 to 407 ft) in midstream. The shores of the strait are heavily populated as the city of Istanbul (with a metropolitan area in excess of 11 million inhabitants) straddles it. The first, the Bosphorus Bridge, is 1,074 m (3,524 ft) long and was completed in 1973. The second, Fatih Sultan Mehmet (Bosphorus II) Bridge, is 1,090 m (3,576 ft) long, and was completed in 1988 about 5 km (3 mi) north of the first bridge. The Brooklyn Bridge is one of the oldest suspension bridges in the United States. At the time it opened, it was the longest suspension bridge in the world, stretching 5,989 feet (1825 m) over the East River, connecting the New York City boroughs of Manhattan and Brooklyn. Upon completion in 1883, it was the longest suspension bridge in the world, the first steel-wire suspension bridge, and the first bridge to connect to Manhattan. Originally referred to as the New York and Brooklyn Bridge, it was dubbed the Brooklyn Bridge in an 1867 letter to the editor of the Brooklyn Daily Eagle and formally so named by the city government in 1915. Since its opening, it has become an iconic part of the New York skyline. It was designated a National Historic Landmark in 1964. The San-Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge is a toll bridge which spans the San Francisco Bay and links the Californian cities of Oakland and San Francisco in the United States. The toll bridge was conceived as early as the gold rush days, but construction did not begin until 1933. Designed by Charles H. Purcell, and built by American Bridge Company, it opened for traffic on November 12, 1936, six months before the Golden Gate Bridge. It originally carried automobile traffic on its upper deck, and trucks and trains on the lower, but after the closure of the Key System, the lower deck was converted to road traffic as well. The Tsing Ma Bridge is a bridge in Hong Kong. It is the world’s seventh-longest span suspension bridge. The bridge was named after two of the islands at its ends, namely Tsing Yi and Ma Wan . It has two decks and carries both roadrail traffic, which also makes it the largest suspension bridge of this type. The bridge has a main span of 1,377 metres (4,518 ft) and a height of 206 metres (676 ft). The span is the largest of all bridges in the world carrying rail traffic. and The 41 metres (135 ft) wide bridge deck carries six lanes of automobile traffic, with three lanes in each direction. The lower level contains two rail tracks. There are also two sheltered carriageways on the lower deck for maintenance access and as backup for traffic when particularly severe typhoons strike Hong Kong. Though road traffic would need to be closed in that case, trains could still get through in either direction. Richmond Bridge is a Grade I listed 18th-century stone arch bridge in south west London, England, which crosses the River Thames at Richmond, connecting the two halves of the present-day London Borough of Richmond upon Thames. Because the river meanders from its general west to east direction, flowing from southeast to northwest in this part of London, what would otherwise be known as the north and south banks are often referred to as the “Middlesex” (Twickenham) and “Surrey” (Richmond) banks respectively, named after the historic counties to which each side once belonged. The bridge was built between 1774 and 1777 to the designs of James Paine and Kenton Couse, as a replacement for a ferry crossing which connected Richmond town centre on the east bank with its neighbouring district of East Twickenham (St. Margarets) to the west. Its construction was privately funded by a tontine scheme, for which tolls were charged until 1859. The bridge was widened and slightly flattened in 1937–40, but otherwise still conforms to its original design. The eighth Thames bridge to be built in what is now Greater London, it is today the oldest surviving Thames bridge in London. The Nanpu Bridge, located at the South Dock – the narrowest part of the lower reaches of the Huangpu River, was constructed in 1991. The main arch of the bridge has a span of 423 meters and a height of 46 meters. The total length of the bridge is 846 meters, and the bridge tower is 150 meters tall. Nanpu bridge is the first bridge on the Huangpu River. Tourists can take the elevator to get to the sidewalk of the bridge and overlook the scenery on both banks of the Huangpu River.
708
« on: December 22, 2009, 04:45:21 PM »
There are some pretty nifty things you can win through puzzles and contests. iPods, concert tickets or dvd’s…but what about a house? Dave Mackie, a 49 year old Englishman is offering his house (valued roughly at $750,000) as a prize to whoever can solve a Sudoku puzzle. To participate you’ll have to pay 60 bucks, but otherwise there is no catch. Mackie claims he is planning to migrate to Egypt and needed a fun way to get rid of his current home near Blackpool, England. Being addicted to Sudoku’s himself, Mackie quickly set up the plan. He is hoping enough people will participate so that he will have a fair amount of money in return for his house, which includes a sauna and hot tub. "It’s a fun way to sell my house and a way to avoid getting sucked into the global financial crisis" says Mackie. The puzzle will be available on Mackie’s website til February 2010. By then Mackie hopes at least 14,000 people will have participated.
709
« on: December 22, 2009, 08:11:04 AM »
A witness is testifying before the court, and the prosecuting attorney is asking him questions.
"You witnessed the robbery, sir?"
"Yes"
"What was stolen?"
"Two televisions"
"Did you see the thieves?"
"Yes"
"Could you identify them?"
"Yes"
"Are the two men who stole the televisions in this courtroom?"
At this point, the two defendants raised their hands.
(What's a defense attorney to do?)
710
« on: December 22, 2009, 08:06:37 AM »
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor."
711
« on: December 22, 2009, 08:05:23 AM »
A guy from Tyson Foods arranges to visit the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing he whispers, "Your Eminence, do we have a deal for you. If you change The Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread...' to 'give us this day our daily chicken...' we will donate $500 million dollars to the Church".
The Pope responds saying, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed".
"Well," says the Tyson man, "we are prepared to donate $1 billion to the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread...' to 'give us this day our daily chicken..."
Again the Pope replies "That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed".
Finally, the Tyson guy says, "This is our last offer. We will donate $5 billion to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread...' to 'give us this day our daily chicken...'" and he leaves.
The next day the Pope meets with the College of Cardinals to say that he has good news and bad news.
"The good news is that the Church has come into $5 billion. The bad news is that we are losing The Wonderbread Account."
712
« on: December 22, 2009, 08:02:49 AM »
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaking little voice, "The big sissy."
713
« on: December 22, 2009, 08:01:27 AM »
A woman went to the doctors office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped and asked her what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard. "Cured her hiccups though, didn't I?"
714
« on: December 22, 2009, 07:59:41 AM »
As he reviewed pilot crash reports, an Air Force military science professor stumbled upon this understated entry: "After catastrophic engine failure, I landed long. As I had no power, the landing gear failed to deploy and no braking was available. I bounced over the stone wall at the end of the runway, struck the trailer of a truck while crossing the perimeter road, crashed through the guardrail, grazed off a large pine tree, ran over a tractor parked in the adjacent field and hit another tree. Then I lost control."
715
« on: December 22, 2009, 07:52:03 AM »
A woman went to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.
The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"
The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandma? Is that you?"
"Yes granddaughter, it's me."
"It's really, really you, Grandma?", the woman repeats.
"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."
The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, Grandma?"
"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."
The woman pauses a moment, "Grandma, I have just one question for you."
"Anything, my child."
"When did you learn to speak English?"
716
« on: December 22, 2009, 07:49:48 AM »
The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he went inside and told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
717
« on: December 22, 2009, 06:04:38 AM »
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome - one has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David. Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.
A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite."
The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing."
718
« on: December 21, 2009, 10:39:17 PM »
As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the military base where he was working.
Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor.
"Give this to your husband," he said, thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!"
719
« on: December 21, 2009, 10:34:38 PM »
MONDAYS:
8:00 "Husseinfeld"
8:30 "Mad About Everything"
9:00 "Suddenly Sanctions"
9:30 "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"
10:00 "Allah McBeal"
TUESDAYS:
8:00 "Wheel of Fortune and Terror"
8:30 "The Price is Right If Saddam Says It's Right"
9:00 "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"
9:30 "Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
10:00 "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"
WEDNESDAYS:
8:00 "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
8:30 "When Kurds Attack"
9:00 "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Fatwah"
9:30 "Just Shoot Me"
10:00 "Veilwatch"
THURSDAYS:
8:00 "Matima Loves Chachi"
8:30 "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"
9:00 "Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses"
9:30 "My Two Baghdads"
10:00 "Diagnosis: Heresy"
FRIDAYS:
8:00 "Judge Saddam"
8:30 "Funniest Super 8 Home Movies"
9:00 "Captured Iranian Soldiers Say the Darndest Things"
9:30 "Achmed's Creek
10:00 "No-witness....News
720
« on: December 21, 2009, 10:26:18 PM »
•During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
•All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
•Most dogs are immortal.
•If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
•All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
•It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
•Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
•The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
•You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
•Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
•If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
•The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
•A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
•If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
•The Chief of Police is always black.
•When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill, just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
•Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
•Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
•Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
•Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
•Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
•The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
•A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.
•Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
•Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
•Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
•It is not necessary to say hello or good-bye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
•Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
•All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
•It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
•A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
•If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
•Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
•It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
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