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Topics - SonnenKinder
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481
« on: January 21, 2010, 10:12:06 PM »
There really is no room to swing a cat but this two-bedroom house just 66 inches wide is set to sell for more than half a million pounds.
The property in Shepherd's Bush, west London, on the market for £549,950, has been described as one of the skinniest houses in Britain.
And estate agents are using that feature as its selling point.
Thin but pricey: The entire house measures just 5ft 6ins wide
The dining area: The house features sought-after parquet flooring throughout
The sitting room: The house has been refurbished in a cool, minimalist style
Small but beautiful: The property even has its own paved garden, ideal for barbeques in the summer
The bathroom has a European-style bidet and a modern, high-powered shower
And the renovation company fitted it with these neat kitchen units
The double bed is almost as wide as the house
482
« on: January 21, 2010, 09:36:51 PM »
Woman 1: Three weeks she's had my CDs.
Woman 2: Get them, ask for them back.
Woman 1: I have.
Woman 2: What does she say?
Woman 1: No, not until I return her chairs. (shakes head) It's infuriating.
Woman 2: You have her chairs?
Woman 1: Yeah, for Montu's party.
Woman 2: That was a month ago.
Woman 1: No. (pauses) Yeah. So what?...
483
« on: January 21, 2010, 09:07:08 PM »
Murders cost police at least £367million to investigate last year, a Home Office watchdog estimates.
The most complex inquiry costs an average £3.1million, compared to a £434,000 bill for more straightforward incidents.
The figures, based on research by Merseyside Police, were revealed in a report by Her Majesty's Inspectorate of Constabulary (HMIC).
It is the first time the financial cost of murder in England and Wales has been estimated.
The report assumed that around 5% of cases were complex. These include killings where there are no obvious suspects, multiple victims or the crime causes major public concern.
485
« on: January 21, 2010, 06:19:51 PM »
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
“What does it look like?” she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, “It’s square and it has your picture on it.”
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. “Here it is,” she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “OK, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop.”
486
« on: January 21, 2010, 06:13:04 PM »
Paddy was walking along the street during his once-in-a-lifetime visit to New York when he rounds a corner and there’s a high rise building on fire.
Paddy, ever the kind-hearted and resourceful Irishman, runs up to the building to see if he can help and notices people trapped five stories up.
Paddy yells to the people: “I’m Patrick Sean Michael Fitzpatrick, the Irish Rugby Union fullback! If you jump, I’ll catch you!”
One lady, in desperation, jumps and sure enough Paddy catches her. Then a man sees that Paddy catches the women and jumps. Sure enough, Paddy catches him also. Then a negro jumps out and crashes to the sidewalk. Paddy didn’t even attempt to catch him.
Paddy looks up and yells, “Don’t be throwin’ the burnt ones!”
487
« on: January 21, 2010, 05:33:04 PM »
In 1931, George Bernard Shaw wired Winston Churchill: “Am reserving two tickets for you on opening night of my new play. Come bring a friend — if you have one.”
Churchill wired back: “Impossible for me to attend first performance. Would like to attend second night — if there is one.”
488
« on: January 21, 2010, 05:29:11 PM »
As a prank, Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak sometimes buys uncut sheets of $2 bills from the U.S. Treasury and has them bound into booklets. Then, when buying small items, he’ll pull out a booklet and cut off a few bills with scissors.
This is perfectly legal, but it’s caused at least one alarmed inquiry by the Secret Service.
489
« on: January 21, 2010, 07:48:10 AM »
It’s dark when you drive to and from work.
You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor.
You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies.
Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
You learn about your layoff on CNN.
Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes.
Your supervisor hasn’t the ability to do your job assignment.
You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.
Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries’ annual budgets combined.
Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home.
Being sick is defined as can’t walk or you’re in the hospital.
All real work gets started after 5pm or on weekends.
10% of the people you work with (boss included) — knows what they do.
Vacation is something you rollover to next year.
Your relatives and family describe your job as “works with computers” or “does something with satellites”
You read this entire list and understood it.
490
« on: January 21, 2010, 07:41:20 AM »
491
« on: January 21, 2010, 07:35:03 AM »
492
« on: January 21, 2010, 07:17:59 AM »
One Friday night, a policeman saw a car parked up at “makeout point.” Shining his flashlight in the window, he saw a young man fidgeting in the front seat glancing at his watch and a young woman sitting in the back seat and reading a magazine.
“Excuse me, son” said the cop, “but how old are the two of you?”
“I’m eighteen, sir, and” (checking his watch another time) “in ten more minutes, she’ll be eighteen too!”
493
« on: January 21, 2010, 07:04:15 AM »
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you
Rule Five:
In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early”
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
- Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
- Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
- Places where there is darkness.
- Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
- Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat.
- Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay.
- Hockey games are okay.
- Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car-there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
NOTE: If you still have the guts to date my daughter, complete the “Permission to date my daughter” application here.
494
« on: January 21, 2010, 06:42:43 AM »
Dear Mr. Minister,
I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a t.v. cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have on my social insurance card, and it is on all the income tax forms I’ve filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my driver’s license, on the last eight goddamn passports I’ve had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I’ve had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother’s name is Maryanne, my father’s name is Robert and I’d be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!
SHIT!
I apologize, Mr. Minister. I’m really pissed off this morning. Between you an’ me, I’ve had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? You have a gang of Neanderthals workin’ there?
Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don’t want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park myself on a sandy beach.
And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I’d sure as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, ’cause I have to go to the other end of the city and get another copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60 !!!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??
Nooooo, that’d be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You’d rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find somone to confirm that it’s really me on the goddamn picture – you know, the one where we’re not allowed to smile?!
( morons)
Hey, you know why we can’t smile? We’re totally pissed off!
Signed – An Irate Canadian Citizen.
495
« on: January 21, 2010, 06:21:00 AM »
Three women – a German, a Jew and a polack – all gave birth to seven pound baby boys at the same time. The nurses got the babies mixed up somehow and couldn’t tell which baby belonged to which mother.
After an hour of mass confusion the father of the German baby decided he would settle the problem. He walked into the nursery and lined up the three infants in a row. He then clicked his heels, raised his arm in a salute and shouted, “Heil Hitler!”
The German baby snapped to attention, the Jewish baby shit it’s pants and the polish baby played in it!
496
« on: January 20, 2010, 10:43:53 PM »
When Americans think of former President John Fitzgerald “Jack” Kennedy (JFK), they think about the time he spent in World War II, the way he defeated Nixon, the Space Race, the building of the Berlin Wall, the Bay of Pigs Invasion, the Cuban Missile Crisis, the African American Civil Rights Movement, the beginning of the Vietnam War, and the man’s assassination at a young age. Unforunately JFK was known to be a womanizer as well. He was believed to have an affair with Marilyn Monroe and Mimi Alford. This past week a new picture of JFK surfaced on the Internet and it was sent to TMZ.com.
TMZ.com is a blog and celebrity gossip channel show and operated by Aol and Time Warner. When TMZ was sent the picture(I intentionally with held posting this pic coz it contains nudity)they immediately verified whether it was real or not. The picture features JFK lying down on a boat and he seems to be partying with several naked women. It turns out this picture was a hoax.
The Smoking Gun website revealed a color picture in a Playboy magazine from 1967 that shows the exact same poses for the women jumping around, but there is a different man laying down in the snapshot instead of JFK. That means that the fake JFK photo below was altered after 1967 and JFK died in 1963.
Had this photo been real, do you think that it would have changed your views on JFK
497
« on: January 20, 2010, 10:09:03 PM »
A Colorado Department of Transportation employee may be in trouble for forwarding an e-mail to friends that contains this fake image of President Barack Obama shining the shoes of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin. The 73 year old unnamed woman forwarded this e-mail to at least 4 friends. The e-mail contained a statement from a non-government employee saying “It appears he (Obama) has found his niche.” The original photo was taken by Ted Szukalski and was of a man shining a woman’s shoes. The government employee may be reprimanded for suspension. The meeting will take place next week.
498
« on: January 20, 2010, 09:38:53 PM »
The richest man in the world Bill Gates has embraced social media once again. This is his second attempt as his first try was somewhat difficult due to all the requests he received.Last summer Bill Gates created a Facebook account and he received tons of friend requests, pokes, etc. I poked him on Facebook too, that probably did not help the situation. He had to quit Facebook as a result. happy0045
Now Bill Gates has launched his own Facebook Page. This allows him to participate on Facebook without the hassle of having to deal with friend requests hitting his e-mail inbox. Gates has already uploaded pictures from a recent trip to India on his Facebook Page. Facebook verified that this was his account.
Gates is embracing Twitter now too. Twitter has verified that the account BillGates belongs to the Microsoft co-founder. In less than one day Bill Gates amassed over 200,000 followers. Gates’ first tweet was: “Hello World. Some of the people that Gates is following on Twitter include Ashley Tisdale, Ina Fried (CNET), the UNICEF account, Steven Levy, Rania Al Abdullah, Vinod Khosla, Ryan Seacrest, Ashton Kutcher, TechCrunch, Kara Swisher, Barack Obama, Hans Rosling, Chris Anderson (TED), and Nicholas Kristof.
499
« on: January 20, 2010, 09:23:54 PM »
A funny chart about the five stages of life: infancy, adolescence, college, adulthood, and old age.
500
« on: January 20, 2010, 08:46:19 PM »
This post is for newbies just starting out with their first tie knot as well for those who wud like to add some variety to their tie knots. Four-in-hand-knot Asymmetrical tie knot, good for button-down shirts Pratt Knot Tidy & fairly wide tie knot, suited for any dress shirt Half Windsor Knot Symmetrical tie knot, goes with any dress shirt Windsor Knot Wide & triangular tie knot, good for spread collar shirts Step-by-step video instructions are available for all four necktie knots. That way, I hope you will learn how to tie a tie in short time. It would now be helpful if you had a tie at hand and a mirror nearby so that we can "try right on in".
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Small but beautiful: The property even has its own paved garden, ideal for barbeques in the summer
