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Topics - SonnenKinder
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1241
« on: November 07, 2009, 02:08:05 AM »
HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
SCREENSAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman:
She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Woman:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything............
1242
« on: November 07, 2009, 02:05:10 AM »
Chinese ENGLISH
An Italian, French and Chinese went for a job interview in England.
Before the interview, they were told that they must compose a sentence in English with three main words: green, pink and yellow.
The Italian was first: "I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun. I see the green grass and I think to myself, I hope it will be a pink day."
The French was next: " I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV.
Last was the Chinese: "I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone "green green", I "pink" up the phone and I say "Yellow. !!!!!!!!!!!!
1243
« on: November 06, 2009, 04:44:19 PM »
In Everyone's life somthing happens, somthing is said or somthing is advised that makes one think. And those thoughts are inspirationals which can bring major changes in one's life. For Example: Oneday my friends father advised him, who wanted to start a new venture but was hesitent due to lack of professional skill, "JUST GO FOR IT AND GIVE IT A TRY ! YOU DONT HV TO BE A PROFESSIONAL TO BUILD A SUCCESSFUL PRODUCT. AMATEURS STARTED GOOGLE AND APPLE. PROFESSIONAL BUILT TITANIC. Now that made my friend's mind to think and today he is a successfull businessman.
I INVITE ALL PJ MEMBERS TO SHARE THEIR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH OTHERS SO THAT THEY MAY GET INSPIRED AND SUCCEED IN LIFE.
1244
« on: November 05, 2009, 06:22:40 PM »
WOMEN'S ENGLISH
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
Am I fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
Everything =Nothing
Nothing, really = It's just that you're such a bore
1245
« on: November 05, 2009, 06:04:30 PM »
Three women meet at a Women liberation Seminar, One Australian, One American, One English. Two weeks after the Seminar they met and had coffee, the American woman say's " when I got home I told my husband that I was no longer doing the washing all the time. On the first day I didn't see anything, on the second day I didn't see anything but on the third day I noticed my husband starting to help out with the washing.
The English woman said " Wow I did the same thing, I said to my husband that I was no longer going to do the ironing all by myself, on the fist day I didn't see anything, on the second day I didn't see anything, but on the third day he got the ironing board out and started ironing"
The Australian woman said " Well when I got home I said to my husband that I was not going to do the cooking all the time and on the first day I didn't see anything and on the second day I didn't see anything but on the third day I could just start to see out of my left eye. !!!!
1246
« on: November 05, 2009, 05:55:46 PM »
This is an actual ad from the New York Times.
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. 1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
1247
« on: November 05, 2009, 02:47:43 AM »
Two men met at a bar and struck up a conversation. After a while one of them said,"you think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married. Later, my father married my step daughter. That made my step daughter my step mother and my father become my stepson. Also my wife became monther-in-law of her father-in-law. Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother had a son. This boy was my halfbrother because he was my fathers son, but he was also son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grandson. This made me grandfather of my half brother. This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the sister of my son, my mother-in-law, is also the grandmother. This makes my father the brther-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife. I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my own grandfather and you think you have family problems!"
1248
« on: November 05, 2009, 01:40:33 AM »
OFFENSIVE JOKE
- Edited
1249
« on: November 04, 2009, 10:22:57 PM »
An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son, who would have helped him, was in Long Kesh Prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.
Shortly, he received this reply, "For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!"
At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any guns.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad; It's the best I
could do from here."
1250
« on: November 04, 2009, 10:08:29 PM »
Dormitory >>>>>>> Dirty Room
Evangelist>>>>>>> Evils Agent
Desperation >>>>> A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code >> Here Come Dots
Slot Machines>>> Cash Lost in em
Animosity >>>>>> Is No Amity
Mother-in-law>>> Woman Hitler :hehe:
A Decimal Point> I'm a Dot in Place
Eleven plus two>>Twelve plus one
1251
« on: November 04, 2009, 09:57:30 PM »
These are actual answers on a McDonald’s application submitted by a 17 year old kid someplace in Florida. They actually hired him too. I think this kid’s gonna go far…
NAME: Greg Bulmash.
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
What'd You Think?
1252
« on: November 04, 2009, 07:04:40 PM »
S. Khushwant Singh is most humourus Punjabi. He has written many joke books (actually a compilation of jokes sent to him from various parts of world) I found this compilatio funny and worth sharing with PJ. In non english speaking countries, some hoardings or signboards make gud readings. Please enjoy
1. In a Bucharest hotel lobby : The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
2. In a Belgrade hotel elevator : To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then alphabetically by national order.
3. In a hotel in Athens : Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.
4. In a Japanese hotel : You are invited to take advantage of the chamber-maid.
5.In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian orthodox monastery : You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian composers, artists, and writers are burried daily except Thursday.
6. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers : Not to perumbulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension
7. On the menu of a Polish hotel : Salad a firm's own make, limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger, roasted duck let loose, beef rashers beaten up in the countrypeople's fashion.
8.In a Bangkok dry cleaners shop : Drop your trousers here for best results.
9. Outside a Paris dress shop : Dresses for street walking.
10. Outside a Hong Kong dress shop : Ladies have fits upstairs.
11. In an advertisement by a Hongkong dentist : Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
12. In a Sweden tourist agency : Take one of our horse-driven city tours. we guarantee no miscarriages
13. In a Swiss mountain Inn : Special Today - no ice cream
14.In a Bangkok temple : Its forbidden to ent3r a woman even a foreigner, if dressed as a man.
15. In a Tokyo bar : Special cocktail for the ladies with nuts.
16. In a Rome Laundry : Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend teh afternoon hving a good time
17. In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summer suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation
18.In an East African Newspaper : A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contracors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
19. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand : Would you like to ride on your own ass?
20. In the window of a Swedish furrier : Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin
21. From a brochure of a car rental firm in Toky : When passenger of foot heave in sight tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigour.
1253
« on: November 04, 2009, 06:33:16 PM »
INGREDIANTS
4 cups love, 2 cups loyalty, 5 quarts faith, 2 tablespoon tenderness, 1 cup kindness, 5 cups understanding, 3 cups forgiveness, 1 cup friendship, 5 teaspoons Hope and 1 Barrel Laughter.
METHOD:
Take Love and Loyalty, mix throughly with Faith. Blend with Tenderness, Kindness, understanding and forgiveness. Add friendship and hope, sprinkle abundantly with laughter. Bake with sunshine. Serve with generous helpings.
CENTURIES OLD AND TESTED RECIPE :happy: TRY IT
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