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Topics - SonnenKinder
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1221
« on: November 08, 2009, 07:03:14 PM »
1.My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.I used to have a handle on lif10.e, but it broke.
4.Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
5.You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
6.Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
7.I'm not a complete idiot; Some parts are missing.
8.Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
9.God must love stupid people; He made so many.
10.Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
11.A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
12.Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
13.I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
1222
« on: November 08, 2009, 05:55:56 PM »
Two women talking:
Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I Mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I would love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think!
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.
Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
...
...
...
.
Now, two men are talking:
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.
1223
« on: November 08, 2009, 05:40:59 PM »
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
1224
« on: November 08, 2009, 05:38:25 PM »
1. You'd live in a place where no two people had the same name.
2. You'd only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck.
3. Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you'd be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door sales creeps offering you great AOL 14.4 modems for only $399.99.
4. The commute to work is just a double-click away, but every time you try to leave your driveway, the flow of traffic knocks you back into your yard.
5. The local post office would tell your mother you're not a known resident.
6. The local post office won't forward your mail to you when you move.
7. If you saw a crime and called 911, they'd reply a week later with a form letter saying how you, "Really are important to us."
8. Every time you went shopping, you'd be kicked out of the store by a bouncer screaming, "We're sorry, this store is temporarily unavailable."
9. Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see your license tag and laugh at you, behind your back.
10. You'd occasionally be sent home during your day by another bouncer telling you that the city has performed an illegal operation.
11. You'd not have any idea who your neighbors are, and most new arrivals would move in at night, stuff everyone's mailbox with garbage, and vacate before sun-up.
12. The administration would build a huge, state of the art park, and allow the kids to play there free, then suddenly start demanding money.
1225
« on: November 08, 2009, 05:31:36 PM »
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house.
Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train.
Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.
We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.
She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train.
We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
1226
« on: November 08, 2009, 05:11:39 PM »
When I take a long time, I am slow.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.
When I don't do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesn't do it, he is too busy.
When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same, that is initiative.
When I please my boss, I am brown-nosing.
When my boss pleases his boss, he is co-operating.
When I do good, my boss never remembers.
When I do wrong, he never forgets.
When I make a mistake, I am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When I am out of the office, I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.
1227
« on: November 08, 2009, 09:55:54 AM »
Little Johnny came into the kitchen where his mother was making
dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to
tell his mother what he wanted."Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
Little Johny was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Johny's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for
his birthday. Little Johnny, of course, thought he did.
Johnny's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behavior over the last year and write a letter to God and tell him why he deserved a bike for his birthday.
Little Johnny stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write
God a letter.
LETTER 1:
Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Johnny
Johnny knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this
year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
LETTER 2:
Dear God, This is your friend Johnny. I have been a pretty good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Johnny
Johnny knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and started again.
LETTER 3:
Dear God, I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike for my birthday.
Johnny
Johnny knew he could not send this letter to God either. Johnny
was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go church.
"Just be home in time for dinner", his mother said.
Johnny walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there.
He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary and slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into his house, and up to his room.
He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and
a pen. Johnny began to write his letter to God.
LETTER 4:
I'VE GOT YOUR MOM. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Signed
YOU KNOW WHO
1228
« on: November 08, 2009, 09:44:50 AM »
A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and dad?"
1229
« on: November 08, 2009, 09:40:22 AM »
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
1230
« on: November 08, 2009, 09:15:10 AM »
A new, special kind of store just opened up in a Manhatten shopping center. This store sells husbands, yes that’s right – women can browse men from floors of choices.
Actually, there are 6 floors of men, and with an increase in the floor level bringing an positive attributes… a nifty setup – with a catch. As you open the door to any floor, you may choose a man from that floor but if you go up, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. Interesting, right?
So a young woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 – These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?” And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. “Hmmm, better” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”
The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. “Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!” And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. “Oh, mercy me! But just think… what must be awaiting me further on?” So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 – You are visitor 7,548,652 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists as proof that women are impossible to please.
Hope this enlightens guys :happy:
1231
« on: November 08, 2009, 08:48:25 AM »
A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.” The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.”
The Lord said, “Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for Me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.”
The biker thought about it for a long time Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”
The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?.” :hehe:
1232
« on: November 08, 2009, 02:26:07 AM »
Abundance of choices can be overwhelming somtimes.
Question : "What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, Wine,... , or Coffee?"
Answer: "tea please"
Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like it ? black or white ?"
Answer: "white"
Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk ?"
Answer: "With milk "
Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk"
Answer: "With cow milk please.
Question: " Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "
Question: " Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer: "With sugar"
Question: " Beet sugar or cane sugar ?"
Answer: "Cane sugar "
Question:" White , brown or yellow sugar ?"
Answer: "Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."
Question: "Mineral water or still water ? "
Answer: "Mineral water"
Question: "Flavored or non-flavored ?"
Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst
1233
« on: November 08, 2009, 02:16:39 AM »
Definitions of a KISS:
Prof. of Algebra: a "KISS" is infinity, because it is two divided by nothing (not zero).
Prof. of Geometry: a "KISS" is the shortest distance between two lips.
Prof. of Physics: a "KISS" is the contraction of two mouths, due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry: a "KISS" is the reaction of an interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology: a "KISS" is the interchange of friendly salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology: a "KISS" is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry: a "KISS" is both infectious & antiseptic.
Prof. of Accounting: a "KISS" is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics: a "KISS" is that thing for which the demand is always higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics: a "KISS" is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of two minds and hearts.
Prof. of Philosophy: a "KISS" is persecution for the child, ecstasy for youth, and homage for the old.
Prof. of English: a "KISS" is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Computer Science: What is a "KISS"? It looks to be an undefined variable, whose possible value can equal love.
Prof. of Architecture: a "KISS" is a process which builds a solid bond between two dynamic objects.
1234
« on: November 08, 2009, 02:13:32 AM »
These funny lines are real. Source - Disorders in American courts.
Attorney: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No, I just lie there.
Attorney: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July 18th.
Attorney: What year?
Witness: Every year.
Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
Attorney: How old is your son, the one living with you?
Witness: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Attorney: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: Forty-five years.
Attorney: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Attorney: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan.
Attorney: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
Witness: We both do.
Attorney: Voodoo?
Witness: We do.
Attorney: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo. (we do)
Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Attorney: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old,
how old is he?
Witness: Uh, he's twenty-one.
Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Would you repeat the question?
Attorney: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And what were you doing at that time?
Witness: Uhm...
Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Were there any girls?
Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?
Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or a female?
Attorney: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your Attorney?
Witness: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
!
Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Attorney: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
Witness: Oral.
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Witness: Huh?
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.
Attorney: But nevertheless could the patient have still been alive?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
1235
« on: November 07, 2009, 07:41:25 PM »
Employers' Lingo: What employers list in the application and what you should expect. Some are funny but somehow true!
"COMPETITIVE SALARY" : We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM" : We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE" : We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED" : You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED" : Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY" : Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL" : We have no quality control.
"CAREER-MINDED" : Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"APPLY IN PERSON" : If you're old, fat, or ugly or even of certain ethnic group you might be told the position has been filled.
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE" : We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE" : You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST" : You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS" : You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS" : Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.
1236
« on: November 07, 2009, 07:31:28 PM »
A while ago, a worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure...
In Africa most didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe most didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe most didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China most didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East most didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America most didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the USA most didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
1237
« on: November 07, 2009, 07:26:22 PM »
Costell calls to buy a computer from Abbot
Abbott: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
Costello: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: No, the name's Lou.
Abbott: Your computer?
Costello: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: I told you, my name's Lou.
Abbott: What about Windows?
Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
Abbott: Do you want a computer with Windows?
Costello: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
Abbott: Wallpaper.
Costello: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
Abbott: Software for Windows?
Costello: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
Abbott: I just did.
Costello: You just did what?
Abbott: Recommend something.
Costello: You recommended something?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: For my office?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yes, for my office!
Abbott: I recommend Office with Windows.
Costello: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
Abbott: Word.
Costello: What word?
Abbott: Word in Office.
Costello: The only word in office is office.
Abbott: The Word in Office for Windows.
Costello: Which word in office for windows?
Abbott: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
Costello: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
Abbott: Yes, you want Real One.
Costello: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
Abbott: Real One.
Costello: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?
Abbott: Of course.
Costello: Great! With what?
Abbott: Real One.
Costello: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a
movie. What do I do?
Abbott: You click the blue "1".
Costello: I click the blue one what?
Abbott: The blue "1".
Costello: Is that different from the blue w?
Abbott: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
Costello: What word?
Abbott: The Word in Office for Windows.
Costello: But there's three words in "office for windows"!
Abbott: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
Costello: It is?
Abbott: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
Costello: And that word is real one?
Abbott: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.
Costello: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: That's right. What do you have?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: I need money to track my money?
Abbott: It comes bundled with your computer
Costello: What's bundled with my computer?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: Money comes with my computer?
Abbott: Yes. No extra charge.
Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
Abbott: One copy.
Costello: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
Abbott: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.
Costello: They can give you a license to copy money?
Abbott: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
A FEW DAYS LATER . .
Abbott: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
Costello: How do I turn my computer off?
Abbott: Click on "START"..........
1238
« on: November 07, 2009, 07:20:53 PM »
The Whale and Jonah
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
2.Group Photograph
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'that's Michael. He's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."
3. Blood Circulation
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face".
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary positions the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Because your feet aren't empty."
4. Grop photo
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip.
cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all You want. God is watching the apples!"
1239
« on: November 07, 2009, 06:59:40 PM »
It does not apply to every married couple :happy:
Before - You take my breath away
After - I feel like I'm suffocating
Before - Twice a night
After - Twice a month
Before - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac
Before - Saturday Night Fever
After - Monday Night Football
Before - Don't stop
After - Don't start
Before - Is that all you're having?
After - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey
Before - It's like I'm living in a dream
After - It's like he lives in a dorm
Before - $60/dozen
After - $1.50/stem
Before - Turbocharged
After - Jump-start
Before - We agree on everything
After - We can't agree on anything
Before - Victoria's Secret
After - Fruit-of-the-Loom
Before - Idol
After - Idle
Before - He's completely lost without me
After - Why won't he ever ask for directions?
Before - Time stood still
After - Where did the time go?
Before - I can hardly believe we found each other
After - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you
Before - Passion
After - Ration
Before - Croissant and cappuccino
After - Bagel and instant
1240
« on: November 07, 2009, 02:17:02 AM »
Here's some REAL COMPUTER PROBLEMS COMPLAINTS HEARD BY VARIOUS COMPUTER TECHNICIANS. This is an excerpt from a Wall Street Journal article:
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.
4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.
7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"
9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2 meant to remove Disk 1 first.
10. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was running it under "Windows." The woman responded, No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine.
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