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Topics - SonnenKinder
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1201
« on: November 10, 2009, 03:32:46 AM »
The truth is out there.
They will always smell good even if its just shampoo.
The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder.
How cute they look when they sleep.
The ease in which they fit into our arms.
The way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world.
How cute they are when they eat.
The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end it makes it all worth while.
Because they are always warm even when its minus 30 out side.
The way they look good no matter what they wear.
The way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth.
How cute they are when they argue.
The way her hand always finds yours.
The way they smile.
The way you feel when you see their name on the call display after you just had a big fight.
The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later....
The way they kiss when you do something nice for them.
The way they kiss you when you say "I love you".
Actually... just the way they kiss you....
The way they fall into your arms when they cry.
Then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly.
The way they hit you and expect it to hurt.
Then the way apologize when it does hurt ..(even though we don't admit it!).
The way they say "I miss you".
The way you miss them.
The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore.....Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them... it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt.
1202
« on: November 09, 2009, 05:28:03 PM »
An English professor wrote the words: "A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the MALES in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
While All the FEMALES in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
1203
« on: November 09, 2009, 05:22:13 PM »
A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted a famous heart surgeon in his shop, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come to take a look at his car.
The mechanic shouted across the garage," Hello Doctor!! Please come over here for a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind them, put in new parts, and when I finish this will work as a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and me is doing basically the same work? "
The doctor leaned over and whispered to the mechanic.He said: "Try to do it when the engine is running ".
1204
« on: November 09, 2009, 05:18:16 PM »
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, You are really ugly,"
The lady was furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly," She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly,"
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and to get rid of the bird if they didn t do something about it. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn t say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said, "Yes ?"
And the bird replied, "You know."
1205
« on: November 09, 2009, 05:11:04 PM »
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$ t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
Norman $ oh
The next day, the employee received this letter of reply :
Dear NOrman,
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the media is reporting that the world's leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
General Manager
1206
« on: November 09, 2009, 04:59:26 PM »
A man and his wife in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child.
The wife jumped up and said: 'Your Honor. I brought the child into the world with pain an labor. She should be in my custody.
The judge turns to the husband and says ' What do you have to say in your defense?
The man sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose. 'Your Honor. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out.. whose Pepsi is it .. the machine's or mine?
HOPE MODERATER DOES NOT REMOVE IT :plz:
1207
« on: November 09, 2009, 04:53:15 PM »
A mechanic was having some work done when a blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
The mechanic looked at the other workers and and wondered and asked 'What is a seven-hundred-ten?'
She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..' She went on to say that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked 'Is there a 710 on this car?'
She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.'
ANY GUEST WHAT IT WAS? SCROLL DOWN :happy:
AN OIL TANK LID PAINTED OIL ON IT (710)
1208
« on: November 09, 2009, 04:41:34 PM »
Tony was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Tony's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper and Tony used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.
At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Tony died. He said, "You know, Tony handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Tony, I'm sure it's a wonderful message."
He opened the note, and read, "Get off my oxygen tube!"
1209
« on: November 09, 2009, 04:30:58 PM »
One night four MBA students were boozing till late night and didn't study for the test which was scheduled for the next day. In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt. Then they went up to the Dean and said that they had gone to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test. The Dean was a Just person so he said that you can have a retest after three days. After 3 days they said they were ready. On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a special condition all four were required to be in separate rooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in last three days.
The test consisted of two question with a total marks of 100.
Q1. Write down your Names. (2 marks)
Q2. Which tire burst ? (98 marks)
1210
« on: November 09, 2009, 04:23:12 PM »
1.Did you take a bath?" --> "Why, Is there one missing?"
2."Are you chewing gum?" -->"No, I'm John Smith."
3."I want to buy a dress to put on around the house."-->"Yes, Madam. How large is your house?"
4."What are you going to be when you graduate?"-->"An old man"
5."I spent three years in college taking medicine."-->"Are you well now?"
6.Do you say a prayer before you eat?"-->"No, we don't have to. My mother is a good cook."
7."I've got a surprise for you, honey. I brought a friend home for Dinner."-->"Who wants to eat friends?"
8."We are having mother for dinner, darling."-->"Make sure she's well done."
9."I want some rat poison."-->"Should I wrap it up or do you want to eat it right here?"
10."It seems that everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the Other."-->"Well, I guess that's why I've got two ears."
11."May I hold your hand?"-->"No, thanks, It isn't heavy."
12."Does water always come through the roof in this place?"-->"No, sir, only when it rains."
13."When will you straighten out the house, dear?"-->"Why? Is it tilted?"
14."Do you have big plastic bins?"-->"Yes, how many bodies do you want to dispose of"
15."Do these stairs take you to the second floor?"-->"No, you'll have to walk"
16."Now that you're married, you should have some insurance"-->But why? My wife isn't dangerous."
17."I have changed! My mind."-->Thank heaven! Does it work better now?"
18.Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?-->Customer: What other colors do you have?
1211
« on: November 09, 2009, 04:04:12 PM »
*Monday:*
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.
*Tuesday:*
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.
*Wednesday:*
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.
*Thursday:*
Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive.
*Friday:*
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did,to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.
*Saturday:*
Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work,or he wanted the chicken to dance. When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "why me? why me ?" Hmmm....It must be his job.
1212
« on: November 09, 2009, 03:49:27 PM »
Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.
Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
1213
« on: November 09, 2009, 07:09:09 AM »
Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.
Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.
Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.
Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.
Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.
Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered
1214
« on: November 09, 2009, 07:03:43 AM »
Before the marriage:
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
Now after the marriage you can read it from below to up !!!!
1215
« on: November 09, 2009, 06:58:45 AM »
Advertisement In A Long Island Shop: Guitar, for sale....... cheap...........no strings attached.
Ad.. In Hospital Waiting Room: Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!
Seen on a bulletin board: Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.
When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...I Gave Up Reading.
My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses... He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.
You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When: Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick.. Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off.
Sign In A Bar: "Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance."
Sign In Driving School: If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.
Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.
The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.
Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.
Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You sleep Alone.
The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.
Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit: We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.
A Traffic Slogan: Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough Or Else They Will Never Be.
Sign In A Restaurant: All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.
Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window: Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here. She May Be Your Grandmother !
1216
« on: November 09, 2009, 06:52:28 AM »
Our communication - Wireless
Our dress - Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Boss - Brainless
Our Salary - Very less
1217
« on: November 09, 2009, 06:31:20 AM »
1.MANAGEMENT THOUGHT.
“Intelligence is like an underwear.
It is important that you have it,
but not necessary that you show it........”
2.CREATION
God may have created man before woman,
but there’s always a rough draft before the masterpiece ...
3. THE HUMAN BRAIN
The human brain is most outstanding thing -
it functions 24hrs 365 days,
right from the time u r born until u fall in love.
4.IF YOUR DOG IS BARKING
If your dog is barking at the back door and your
wife yelling at the frontdoor,
who do you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after u
let him in!
5.WIFE RUNNING AFTER GARBAGE TRUCK
My wife ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too
late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in."
6.HOLD YOUR WIFE'S HAND
i always hold my wife's hand. If I let go, she shops
7.ASKED WIFE
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I have never been!"
I told her,"How about the kitchen?"
8.DO YOU OPEN DOOR FOR WIFE?
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing :
either the car is new or the wife.
9.LOVE IS BLIND
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
10.WHEN A NEWLY MARRIED
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows
why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone
wonders why.
11.MARRIAGE IS A
Marriage is a three-ring circus:
--engagement ring
---wedding ring
---suffering
12.A MAN WITHOUT A WOMAN
"A man without a woman is like a fish without a
bicycle."
13.BACHELORS KNOW MORE
Bachelors know more about women than married men;
if they didn't, they'd be married too.
14.A PSHYIATRIST
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you
expensive answers that your
wife will give you for free.
15.I DONT WORRY
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for
two years.
MORE IN 2ND INSTALLMENT :happy:
1218
« on: November 09, 2009, 06:01:05 AM »
Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. "
So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Bubba. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?'
1219
« on: November 08, 2009, 07:45:03 PM »
A man approached a very beautiful woman in a Mall and said: "I have lost my wife here at this mall. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
The woman looked puzzled. "Why talk to me?" she asked.
The man answered: "Because every time I talk to a woman as beautiful as you, my wife appears out of nowhere....."
1220
« on: November 08, 2009, 07:40:51 PM »
1.My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
2.My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
3.A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
4.I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I asked her, "Where's the car?" She replied," In the lake."
5.The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
6.After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
7.Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
8.A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
9.Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.
10.It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
11.Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
12.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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