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Topics - SonnenKinder
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121
« on: May 18, 2010, 09:06:44 PM »
Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. ~ Unknown
A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon. ~Arnold Haultain
Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right – instantly. ~Sam Slick (Thomas Chandler Haliburton)
A highbrow is a man who has found something more interesting than women. ~Edgar Wallace
It upsets women to be, or not to be, stared at hungrily. ~Mignon McLaughlin.
I’d rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four. ~Fred Allen
All women are basically in competition with each other for a handful of eligible men. ~Mignon McLaughlin.
A woman wears her tears like jewelry. ~ Unknown
If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she’s late? Nobody. ~J.D. Salinger.
No woman wants to see herself too clearly. ~Mignon McLaughlin.
Physically, a man is a man for a much longer time than a woman is a woman. ~Honoré de Balzac.
Physically, a man is a man for a much longer time than a woman is a woman. ~Honoré de Balzac.
The girls that are always easy on the eyes are never easy on the heart. ~Unknown
Men enjoy being thought of as hunters, but are generally too lazy to hunt. Women, on the other hand, love to hunt, but would rather nobody knew it. ~Mignon McLaughlin.
Men at most differ as Heaven and Earth, but women, worst and best, as Heaven and Hell. ~Alfred Lord Tennyson
Men look at themselves in mirrors. Women look for themselves. ~Elissa Melamed
There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature. ~Stephen Stills
It is because of men that women dislike one another. ~Jean de La Bruyère.
If you are ever in doubt as to whether to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt. ~Thomas Carlyle
A woman can look both moral and exciting… if she also looks as if it was quite a struggle. ~Edna Ferber
Women have very little idea of how much men hate them. ~Germaine Greer
Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak. ~William Shakespeare.
Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember. ~ Unknown
Women like silent men. They think they’re listening. ~Marcel Achard.
Good-looking girls break hearts, and goodhearted girls mend them. ~Mignon McLaughlin.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. ~ Unknown
Fighting is essentially a masculine idea; a woman’s weapon is her tongue. ~Hermione Gingoldtcalf
Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn’t want to own one. ~W.C. Fields
The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with photographs of herself. ~Elizabeth Metcalf
A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. ~Chauncey Mitchell Depew
Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women. ~Nicole Hollander
122
« on: May 18, 2010, 08:21:29 PM »
2005 Sydney terrorism plot The 2005 Sydney terrorism plot concerned a group of five men arrested in 2005 on charges of planning an act of terrorism targeting Sydney, Australia’s most populous city and the capital of New South Wales. The group was found guilty on 16 October 2009 and was sentenced on 15 February 2010 for terms up to 28 years. Financial buildings plot 2004 The 2004 financial buildings plot was a failed terror plot planned by Al-Qaeda, eight suspects were arrested related to this case, and the trail of the seven guilty persons was started in April 2007, One of the men, Dhiren Barot, pleaded guilty early on and was sentenced to 40 years in jail. Christmas day Terror plot 2009 Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab allegedly tried to ignite a device attached to his body as the Northwest Airlines flight from Amsterdam began its final descent in to the American city on Christmas Day, It later emerged the Nigerian was on a US watch list of terror suspects but was not on a “no-fly” list and had a visa to enter the country. Toronto bomb plot 1991 In 1991,Toronto bomb was revealed, when Canadian authorities arrested Four men trying to cross the Peace Bridge into the United States in October 1991. Customs officials searched their Buick and Chevrolet Suburban and found “detailed plans to bomb a York Region Hindu temple and an Indian theater in Toronto”, including aerial photographs and blueprints of the Vishnu Mandir Temple and India Centre cinema; According to investigation those four men were of Trinidadian and Dominican ethnicity having alleged links with Jamaat ul-Fuqra based in United States. Hudson river bomb Plot On July 7, 2006, the FBI announced that they had foiled a plot that was in its “talking phase” by foreign militants to detonate explosives in tunnels connecting New Jersey with Manhattan and drown the New York financial district with a torrent of water. This was unfeasible because the tunnel is embedded in bedrock, and the target is above sea level.
123
« on: May 18, 2010, 07:58:28 PM »
I want you.
All of you.
You taste like heaven,
But I know you're built for sin.
124
« on: May 18, 2010, 07:52:07 PM »
Step 1: Understand that you are powerless when it comes to love
Step 2: Open your heart to love or there is no chance to love or be loved
Step 3: When in love there is no return to sanity
Step 4: Turn matters of love over to the heart, your mind will lose anyway
Step 5: Take inventory of why you feel this love (will help in future step)
Step 6: Admit to yourself the exact nature of this love
Step 7: Realize that love is worth the risk of all heartaches
Step 8: Never put off love, act on it, tomorrow may be to late
Step 9: Conjure up courage and then proceed to step 10
Step 10: Express your love, use the inventory from step 5 as a guide
Step 11: Be prepared for anything, you may or may not get the response you seek
Step 12: Repeat step 1: understand that you are powerless when it comes to love
125
« on: May 17, 2010, 08:52:29 PM »
Police in Germany said they are experimenting with turkey vultures as an alternative to police dogs for finding dead bodies.
Walsrode police said they hope Sherlock, a turkey vulture trained to track down the scene of gasses produced by decaying corpses, will become the first of a squadron of trained vultures seeking out bodies around the country, Britain's Daily Mail reported Monday.
Police said Sherlock is sent out on sniffing missions and tracked via a GPS device attached to his leg.
"It was a colleague of mine who got the idea from watching a nature program," Officer Rainer Herrmann said. "If it works, time could be saved when looking for dead bodies because the birds can cover a much vaster area than sniffer dogs or humans."
German Alonso, the bird trainer in charge of the program, said more birds are needed to make the program a success.
"What we need now to make progress is a group working together as a team," he said.
126
« on: May 17, 2010, 08:47:44 PM »
A North Carolina woman said she was fired from her job at a pizzeria for a complaining comment about customers posted to her Facebook.
Ashley Johnson, 22, a former employee at Brixx Pizza in Charlotte, said she was upset about a couple who stayed in the restaurant for 3 hours, forcing her to stay an hour past quitting time, and tipped her only $5, The Charlotte (N.C.) Observer reported Monday.
"Thanks for eating at Brixx," she wrote, before using profanity and calling the customers, who were not identified in any way in the post, "cheap."
Johnson said managers called her a day or two later and told her she was being fired for violating company policies against speaking ill of customers and depicting the restaurant negatively on social networking sites.
Johnson said she takes responsibility for her actions but does not believe she should have been fired.
"It was my own fault," she said. "I did write the message. But I had no idea that something that, to me is very small, could result in my losing my job."
Jeff Van Dyke, a co-owner of Brixx, said the policies are important to the company's image.
"We definitely care what people say about our customers," he said.
127
« on: May 17, 2010, 08:27:13 PM »
If I could write a song
That would tell you how I feel
The world would have to sing along
To a song of love that’s real
I would write the most beautiful song
The world has ever heard
If I could write a song
That would tell you how I feel
The song I would write
Would paint a true picture of you
The way my heart sees you inside
But I don’t think there are words
Written anywhere to use
Lovely enough
To write this song for you
So I will tell you here
How much I love you
And this will be my song
That I will sing to you
But if I could write a song
What a beautiful song it would be
I would tell you how I feel
Each time that you look at me
How you make my heart sing, fly with no wings
If I could write a song to tell you how I feel
It would be the most beautiful song
Anyone would ever sing
128
« on: May 17, 2010, 08:03:47 PM »
129
« on: May 17, 2010, 07:41:30 PM »
Stay with this — the answer is at the end. It will blow you away.
One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events. The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general..
The Grandfather replied, “Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:
‘ television
‘ penicillin
‘ polio shots
‘ frozen foods
‘ Xerox
‘ contact lenses
‘ Frisbees and
‘ the pill
There were no:
‘ credit cards
‘ laser beams or
‘ ball-point pens
Man had not invented:
‘ pantyhose
‘ air conditioners
‘ dishwashers
‘ clothes dryers
‘ and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and
‘ man hadn’t yet walked on the moon
Your Grandmother and I got married first, .. …. . and then lived together..
Every family had a father and a mother.
Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, “Sir”.
And after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, “Sir.”
We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.
Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense.
We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.
Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.
We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.
Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.
Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started.
Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends – not purchasing condominiums.
We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.
We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President’s speeches on our radios.
And I don’t ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey.
If you saw anything with ‘Made in Japan ‘ on it, it was junk.
The term ‘making out’ referred to how you did on your school exam..
Pizza Hut, McDonald’s, and instant coffee were unheard of.
We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.
Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.
And if you didn’t want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.
You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . .. . but who could afford one?
Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.
In my day:
‘ “grass” was mowed,
‘ “coke” was a cold drink,
‘ “pot” was something your mother cooked in,
‘ “rock music” was your grandmother’s lullaby.
‘ “Aids” were helpers in the Principal’s office,
‘ ” chip” meant a piece of wood,
‘ “hardware” was found in a hardware store and
‘ “software” wasn’t even a word.
And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.
No wonder people call us “old and confused” and say there is a generation gap. And how old do you think I am?
I bet you have this old man in mind…you are in for a shock!
Are you ready ?????
*
*
*
*
*
This person would be only 59 years old.
130
« on: May 17, 2010, 07:34:00 AM »
Discover this 90/10 Principle.
It will change your life (or atleast the way you react to situations).
WHAT IS THIS PRINCIPLE?
10% of life is made up of what happens to you...
90% of life is decided by how you react.
What does this mean?
We really have NO control over the 10% of what happens to us.
The 90% is different.
YOU determine the 90%
How? By your reaction.
You cannot control a red light.
However, you can control your reaction.
Do not let people fool you.
YOU can control how you react. Let's see this example:
You are having breakfast with your family.
Your younger sister knocks over a cup of coffee onto your shirt.
YOU HAVE NO CONTROL
over what has just happened. What happens next will be determined by HOW YOU REACT.You curse.
You harshly scold your sister for knocking the cup over.
She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your mum and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table.
A short verbal argument follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt.
Back downstairs, you find your sister has been too busy crying to finish her breakfast and getting ready to go to school. She misses the bus. Your mum must leave immediately for work.
You rush to the car and drive your sister to school.
Because you are late,
you drive 40 miles per hour in a 30 mph speed limit zone.
After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60.00 traffic fine away,
you arrive at school.
Your sister runs into the building without saying goodbye.
After arriving the uni. 20 minutes late,
you realize your forgot your assignments.
Your day has started terrible.
As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse.
You look forward to coming home.
When you arrive home, you find a small wedge
in your relationship with your sister. Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning.
Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is: D You had NO CONTROL over what happened with the coffee.
How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day! Here is what could have and should have happened.
<<<
Coffee splashes over you.
Your sister is about to cry.
You gently say:
"It's okay, honey, you just need to be more careful next time."
Grabbing a towel, you go upstairs and change your shirt.
You grab your backpack, and come back down in time to look through the window and see your sister getting on the bus.
She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and exchange greetings with your classmates.
...
Notice the difference? Two different scenarios.
Both started the same.
Both ended different.
why?
Because of how you reacted. You really have no control over 10% of what happens in your life.
The other 90% was determined by your reaction. Absolutely everything we do, give, say or even think,
It's like a Boomerang.
It will come back to us.
If we want to receive, we need to learn to give first...
Maybe we will end with our hands half empty, but our hearts will be filled with love.
And those who love life,
have that feeling marked in their hearts...
131
« on: May 16, 2010, 11:38:22 PM »
132
« on: May 16, 2010, 11:12:07 PM »
133
« on: May 16, 2010, 10:18:13 PM »
If I could pause time I would
Pause reality
Pause facts.
Pause jobs, and homework,
And class.
Pause all but me and you.
I would.
If we could live our lives uncensored, unnoticed
Just together
For however long we please
The unpause
And you got to being you
And me back to being me
I would.
Sometimes people come into our lives
At the wrong time
You either make room for them
(No matter how uncomfortable)
Or you push them aside.
I am lost.
I do not know where
You fit
In this hectic life of
Mine.
134
« on: May 16, 2010, 09:28:09 AM »
135
« on: May 16, 2010, 09:04:48 AM »
136
« on: May 16, 2010, 08:37:07 AM »
A computer game retailer revealed that it legally owns the souls of thousands of online shoppers, thanks to a clause in the terms and conditions agreed to by online shoppers.
The retailer, British firm GameStation, added the "immortal soul clause" to the contract signed before making any online purchases earlier this month. It states that customers grant the company the right to claim their soul.
"By placing an order via this Web site on the first day of the fourth month of the year 2010 Anno Domini, you agree to grant Us a non transferable option to claim, for now and for ever more, your immortal soul. Should We wish to exercise this option, you agree to surrender your immortal soul, and any claim you may have on it, within 5 (five) working days of receiving written notification from gamesation.co.uk or one of its duly authorised minions.
GameStation's form also points out that "we reserve the right to serve such notice in 6 (six) foot high letters of fire, however we can accept no liability for any loss or damage caused by such an act. If you a) do not believe you have an immortal soul, b) have already given it to another party, or c) do not wish to grant Us such a license, please click the link below to nullify this sub-clause and proceed with your transaction."
The terms of service were updated on April Fool's Day as a gag, but the retailer did so to make a very real point: No one reads the online terms and conditions of shopping, and companies are free to insert whatever language they want into the documents.
While all shoppers during the test were given a simple tick box option to opt out, very few did this, which would have also rewarded them with a £5 voucher, according to news:lite. Due to the number of people who ticked the box, GameStation claims believes as many as 88 percent of people do not read the terms and conditions of a Web site before they make a purchase.
The company noted that it would not be enforcing the ownership rights, and planned to e-mail customers nullifying any claim on their soul.
137
« on: May 16, 2010, 08:18:05 AM »
Has this ever happened to you? You start thinking about someone you haven’t seen in years. Next moment you see him walking towards you. Or you remember a long-lost friend. Then the phone rings and you find that it’s her or him on the line!
Carl Jung called such experiences synchronicity. In his research he noticed that some occurences were connected in such a meaningful way that they seemed to defy the laws of probability. There are many different explanations for synchronicity.
1. Synchronicity is connected to our psychic abilities- This means that we can intuit when a certain person is going to ring us, or is walking towards us. This is why we start thinking about them.
2.Mysterious affinity- Certain people, objects and happenings are connected to each other. Sychronicity make these connections visible.
3.The mind can manifest objects and happenings- This theory has been expanded into the ‘Law of Attraction”.
Here is an example of how these theories play out. A short while ago my neighbor talked to me about his professional future. In the course of the conversation, he reached a decision to find and apply for a short-term contract as a Communications Manager. Imagine his surprise when he arrived home to find an email from a recruitment agency that had last been in touch with him some two years earlier. In the email they invited him to apply for an eight months contract as a Communications Manager!
That’s synchronicity. How can such an improbable event happen? According to the three theories above, these could be the reason.
a) He had a precognition that the recruitment agency would contact him and therefore started thinking about employment.
b) The intersection between his wish of getting a contract and the email from the recruitment agency was a meaningful sign that this was the right plan of action.
c) His wish for the position manifested the email.
I’m not sure which is the right explanation. What do you think?
If we want to use synchronicity for creating a happier life, there is one core point that we need to remember:
Synchronicity is a call to action.
A synchronic event is a personal messages from the universe.
If we act upon the secret connection that synchronicity reveals, we invite good fortune.
138
« on: May 15, 2010, 11:19:26 PM »
A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.
This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.
I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???The Children's Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden…..Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Hesston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother..
Bible guy to use spies… Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot..
He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines.
My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.
Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.But the Democrats and Republicans put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution..
139
« on: May 15, 2010, 10:51:01 PM »
1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it
was dead.
'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child
Innocently.
'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it
didn't move'
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later…..'Da-ad….'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad…..'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five minutes later……'Daaaa-aaaad…..'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'
The boy thought it over and said, 'Well, I'll run in and out and in
and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's
sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he
asked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with me
tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
'The big sissy.'
6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year
old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower.
She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!'
I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her
tummy.'
'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'
7.. A little boy was doing his math homework.
He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine….'
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?'
The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.'
'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked
'Yes,' he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 'What are you
teaching my son in math?'
The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'
The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that
son of a bitch is four?'
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 'What I taught them
was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken
Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, '… and so Chicken Little
went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is
falling!'
The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that
farmer said?'
One little girl raised her hand and said, 'I think he said:
'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!''
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter.'
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane
Sugarbrown.'
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter?'
She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'
10. A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play
with the boys?'
Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're
too rough.'
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'
140
« on: May 15, 2010, 10:20:18 PM »
I Owe My Mother
**************************************
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because, I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
8.. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE..
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out"
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
And my favorite:
25 My mother taught me about JUSTICE .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like yo
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