An Arab, Frenchman, American and a Mexican are riding down the highway. The Arab picks up an AK-47. He shoots a couple of rounds and then throws the gun out the window. The American asks him why he through the gun out the window and the Arab says they have so many of those where he is from he doesn't care about what happens to them.

The Frenchman picks up a bottle of wine and drinks a little and throws it out the window. The American asks him why he tossed it. The Frenchman says they have so much of it where he is from he doesn't care what happens to it.

The American picks up the Mexican and throws him out the window.

Tiger Woods
The photo is of Tiger Woods' crashed SUV, which ignited a fire storm of controversy as it emerged that the world's most famous athlete was a serial womaniser. Unsurprisingly Tiger's wife left him, he took time out from the game and then struggled throughout the 2010 season, failing to win a title.


Andre Agassi
The title of his autobiography said it all - Open. Andre Agassi left no stone unturned in his book, with revelations he had used methamphetamine while suffering from deep depression. His admission split opinion among former players and fans, with some claiming he was a drugs cheat. Other juicy parts of the book called Pete Sampras 'boring and a tight tipper' and showed Andre had an intense dislike of Boris Becker.


England World Cup bid
England arrived for the party all pumped up and ready to host what they promised would be the best football World Cup yet. How could they have got it so wrong? A mere two out of 22 votes later, they finished a distant fourth in a four-horse race to the winning bid of Russia. England muttered 'bribery' while FIFA and Russia fobbed off the 'bad losers'.


Andy Haden
The ever outspoken Andy Haden just couldn't keep his foot out of his mouth in 2010. His first blunder was to accuse the Canterbury Rugby Union of maintaining a quota of three 'darkies' in the starting XV. Remarkably he survived that gaffe, but two months later he resigned as a Rugby World Cup ambassador following inappropriate comments about rape. Expect to see this human headline re-appear in our 2011 scandal edition.


Joel Monaghan
Former Canberra Raiders star Joel Monaghan called it a moment of madness. Oh, it was more than that, Joel. It was much, much more than that. The 'moment' was a photograph of him simulating a sex act with a dog, which was published on the internet and has left his career in tatters.


Eden Park
World Cup administrators were quickly demanding questions from Eden Park - venue for the 2011 Rugby World Cup final - after a beer fuelled rugby league double header turned nasty. In what was billed as a dress rehearsal for the big tournament, bottles were thrown on to the field, the crowd booed the Australian anthem, fist fights erupted in the stands and chaos reigned in streets around Eden Park. Just another Friday night in Auckland, really. Are we ready for the World Cup? Time will tell.


Lara Bingle
What happens when an AFL player releases a nude photo of his model ex-girlfriend who is now dating the Australian cricket vice-captain? Well, that'll kickstart a chain of events as follows... The fans start frothing, the media gratuitously milk it for all its worth, the couple split up and Michael Clarke goes out and cracks a century against the Black Caps.


Melbourne Storm
The NRL, never an organisation far from scandal and controversy, was back in the headlines as it emerged the 2009 Premiers, the Melbourne Storm, had been rorting the salary cap. In the sporting equivalent of Enron, the Storm accountants had hidden side deals, payments and all sorts of bonuses to keep a stable of highly paid mega-stars at the club while cheating their way to the NRL title.


Sepp Blatter
FIFA president Sepp Blatter was forced into a red-faced apology for saying gay fans should "refrain from sexual activity" if they go to the 2022 World Cup in Qatar. Homosexuality is illegal in Qatar. Whether it should be legal to play football in a place with some of the most scorching temperatures on the planet is another argument altogether.


Shane Warne
Australian cricket's most prolific lothario is at it again. Most men would have been content with the love of English rose and Estee Lauder model Elizabeth Hurley - but not Warney. Within days of their affair becoming public, Hurley was dumping Warne for sexting a married woman behind her back. It is never, ever boring with Warne around.


St Kilda and the teen
The Australian media have been quick to call it Dickie Gate. AFL team St Kilda were hit by scandal thanks to a teenage girl posting nude pictures of three team members on Facebook, and promising the release of more pictures over the Christmas period. Her motive? Revenge, after she says she was treated poorly by St Kilda team members.


Timana Taha v Andrew Johns
Andrew Johns is just starting his coaching career but he'll have learned that it's not a good idea to call members of the opposition 'black c*nts' during team briefings. Timana Tahu stormed out of the NSW Origin camp after exactly that happened, forcing Johns into a shameful public apology.


Thierry Henry
Most people will remember him as a footballer blessed with guile, pace, panache and sublime skills. The Irish will simply recognise him as a dirty, rotten cheat. Henry drew the wrath of a nation after handballing twice in the build up to the goal that knocked the Republic Of Ireland out of World Cup qualification. Cue headlines such as 'Hand of Frog', 'Oui Was Robbed', 'Le Hand of God'.


Wayne Rooney
Another day, another Premier League footballer embroiled in a sex scandal. This time Wayne Rooney was (hopelessly) fighting allegations that he'd been bedding a prostitute while his wife was pregnant. Things got even worse when this led to a falling out between Rooney and manager Alex Ferguson. Rooney spat the dummy and threatened to leave the club amid rumours he was bound for bitter rivals Man City. Days later United buckled and signed Rooney up on a new deal worth gazillions and the striker remains married.

The Black Sticks will play a total of 14 matches in New Zealand between 5-22 February against top ranked international teams - Korea, Japan and Belgium.

The Golden Summer Series will see the Black Sticks Men play Korea, Japan and Belgium and the Black Sticks Women take on Korea in matches hosted in Auckland, Whangarei, Hamilton and Tauranga.

"Our focus is to give both Black Sticks teams as much top quality international competition over the next 20 months as possible so they are prepared to take on the world's best at the 2012 London Olympics - and this series is a great start to the year," says Hockey New Zealand's High Performance Manager Toni Cumpston.

The big weekend of the Golden Summer Series will be the double header matches at Lloyd Elsmore Park in Auckland on Saturday 12 February and Sunday 13 February, where the Black Sticks Women will play their final two matches against Korea and the Black Sticks Men will play Korea and Belgium.

"With Korea women ranked eighth, only one behind us in the world rankings, these matches will be hotly contested," says Cumpston.

Black Sticks co-captain Emily Naylor, who has been playing in the European league following the Commonwealth Games in New Delhi, says she is looking forward to regrouping with the team at the end of January.

"Although we have been keeping our fitness up, we haven't played together since the Commonwealth Games, so it will be great to get back on the turf again and play against a top side," says Naylor who is based in Palmerston North.

The Black Sticks Women will play three matches in Auckland and the other two matches will be held in Whangarei on 8 February and 10 February.

Black Sticks midfielder Andy Hayward says although he is looking forward to playing games in all four locations, he will enjoy playing the three matches in his home town of Tauranga the most.

"With two matches being held on a summer weekend here, it will be great to get some local support. To start the year with a home test series like this is fantastic and it provides us with some good competition before we head offshore for the Azlan Shah tournament in Malaysia," says Hayward.

Wild Oats XI may prove untouchable and eat the opposition alive in this year's Sydney to Hobart race, according to Neville Crichton, the skipper of last year's line honours winner Alfa Romeo.

Sydney-based New Zealander Crichton is sitting out this year's Sydney to Hobart after selling his superb supermaxi to a Russian following last year's triumph.

Alfa is being campaigned in Europe by her new owner, who opted against bringing her back to Australia for a crack at back-to-back line-honours wins.

With Alfa and last year's third boat across the line, Britain's ICAP Leopard not returning, Oats appears clearly faster than her remaining domestic rivals.

"I don't think any of them will touch it," Crichton told said.

"If (Wild Oats XI skipper) Mark Richards doesn't break down, I think he will eat them alive, that's my opinion.

"They've got the boat well sorted, they sailed well and it's a very good boat, so I don't see anyone getting near them, but they can all breakdown.

"Their boat is reliable, it's well maintained and I see no reason why they shouldn't win."

Given certain conditions, Crichton believes the other 100-foot supermaxi in this year's race, Investec LOYAL (EDS: Investec LOYAL) could prosper.

"If it's a northerly, LOYAL should be very quick. But if the wind goes around on the nose, Wild Oats XI will be gone."

Crichton said he was between boats at present and hadn't decided what type of campaign he would buy next.

"I'm having a serious look at a big multihull for some long offshore races," Crichton said.

Multihull yachts are not eligible for the Sydney to Hobart and Crichton doubted his next boat would be another supermaxi because of the cost and the lack of competitions for that type.

"There's no class for the big supermaxis at the moment. If there was, I definitely would do another 100-footer," Crichton said.

"To come down and sail by yourself, I don't want to do that.

"I think we can improve dramatically on the old Alfa Romeo.

"It's costly and they are very expensive boats to run and I guess the financial situation over the last couple of years, we've all had to pull our tails in a little bit and have a look at our expenses."

Crichton also took line honours in the Sydney to Hobart in 2002 with his previous boat and his victory last year avenged his 2005 loss to Bob Oatley's Wild Oats XI.

"I didn't want to let Oatley off the hook and I had to knock the bragging rights out of him," Crichton joked.

It's been a week of congratulation, celebration and utter admiration for evergreen NFL quarter-back Brett Favre. After an incredible 297 consecutive starts his longevity is already stuff of sporting legend, and rightly so. Favre holds many of the most precious records in his sport (including most touchdown passes ever thrown) but it's his venerability that attracts attention unlike anything else. The man is living testament to all those admirable qualities like integrity, grit, guts and determination.

But while we're getting all gaa-gaa over his achievements, there's at least two other sportsmen I can think of still competing at the highest international levels who, just like Favre, also happened to be doing so way back in 1992.

One, Ryan Giggs, has had an exemplary career bathed in awards and trophies, winning every major honour on offer, and continues to play for one of the world's most famous and successful football clubs, Manchester United. The other is a man whose career is even more familiar to us, yet his durability continues to barely raise an eyebrow.

An official "Good-On-You" goes to all who guess correctly. If you guess via search engine it's called "a Contador", i.e., "yes you can win, but you had to get outside help to do so". If you can't guess, the answer will appear right here tomorrow. About half a second before you give yourself an uppercut for not knowing...

In the meantime here's my most memorable international sports stories of 2010:

-THE ALSO-RANS WIN BIG IN AMERICA.

It was the turn of the try-hards with everyone's favourite underdog, the New Orleans Saints, clinching their first ever Superbowl (after 40-odd years of failure and nothingness), followed by the San Francisco Giants winning baseball's World Series for the first time since that franchise relocated from New York in 1954. Equally remarkable achievements given few would've rated either a realistic pre-season chance. The Saints have been so awful in past years their fans used to turn up to home games wearing paper bags on their heads, while the Giants only previous claim to fame was (the Ben Johnson of baseball) Barry Bonds. Now all that remains is The Cubs to break their 100 year hoodoo and Cleveland to win anything at all!

-ENGLAND ARE THE NEW AUSTRALIA

Yes the Ashes might still be (technically) alive but everything about this encounter points to the Poms' first win on Aussie soil in almost 25 years. Cock-a-hoop confident from the moment they arrived, England dominated in Brisbane, thrashed the hosts in Adelaide & could've retained the trophy in Perth, but alas it wasn't to be. With the series poised at 1-1 and two more Tests still to play in Melbourne and Sydney, the holders know they only need a drawn series to keep the urn anyway. To further ridicule Australia's decline into their lowest world ranking in decades, (just in case Ponting's lot still haven't realised they're now ranked #5 for a reason), the Poms are displaying the exact same swaggering arrogance that's epitomised Australia's recent (nigh) impregnable dominance of the sport. And quite frankly my Dear Ramsbottom, it's just frightfully fun to watch!

-THE TAMING OF TIGER

A year after he drove his life and career head first into the neighbour's fire hydrant, Tiger Woods has failed to find whatever it was that propelled him into golf's giddiest orbit. Let's be honest, he owned golf. The man was an on-course monster dominating opponents both physically and mentally - key word being "was". Since admitting his "sex addiction" he's lost everything - wife, kids, kudos, sponsors, reputation, honour, popularity, his #1 ranking and (in golfing terms the most dramatic defeat of all) his previous psychological hold on every other pro playing. Thing is they all now believe he is beatable, and they're proving it at every event he plays. I have only two wishes for TW, the first that he never again uses his dead Dad's voice in an advert to sell golf gear, and the second that he wakes up and sacks the morons who convinced him it was a great idea to do that in the first place.

-RAFA'S RETURN TO GREATNESS

When he limped out of Melbourne in January it looked like those troublesome knees had finally caught up with fomer #1 Rafael Nadal. If his failing body couldn't somehow reclaim the awesome court coverage so successful in defying Federer's total Slam dominance, then his career looked doomed. Victory at the French wasn't nearly the surprise his 2nd win at Wimbledon was, and by the time Flushing Meadow rolled around, Rafa had (again) firmly supplanted old rival Roger as top dog of mens tennis. From easily beaten to nigh unbeatable, it was a stunning comeback of Clijsters proportions. Nadal says the Grand Slam's impossible, but if any player's ever capable of emulating Laver, (at 25) he surely has a better chance than most...

The question was, "Who is the third guy"? Brett Favre's contribution to sport was globally recognised last week when injury finally curtailed his consecutive match-starting streak at 297. Another internationally achieving athlete already around in 1992 (when Favre began his career), and still going strong, is Man United's Premier League superstar Ryan Giggs. The third man we all know better than either of the aforementioned, although few acknowledge his longevity with any of the same reverence. Maybe this outpouring of admiration for Favre might now flow a little the way of a proud Samoan South Aucklander who in 1992, months before Brett threw his first NFL pass, won a bronze medal for his country in the Heavyweight division of the Barcelona Olympics.

Congratulations, DAVID TUA.

You, Brett Favre and Ryan Giggs - not a bad club to be a member of, is it?

The final few of my memorable international sporting moments of 2010:

-CHEATS, CHEATS AND EVEN MORE DIRTY ROTTEN CHEATS

Quite probably the most shameful thing about world sport's biggest scandals of 2010 is that no-one is/was truly surprised at the sheer scale of the ongoing skulduggery. More match-fixing in cricket, another Tour de France winner tests positive for drugs and a systematic salary-cap rort that'd been kept secret for 10 years are just some of the more notorious stories to emerge from 2010. But let's be honest here, every unexpected Pakistani loss is viewed as suspicious, drug cheats in cycling are as common as gravel rash and if the Melbourne Storm's playing roster didn't raise a regular eyebrow then the luxury speed boats the players got "given" every Tuesday certainly did! I really don't know what's worse - the loss of "face" for those involved when eventually exposed or the loss of "faith" out here in fan-land that any activity we watch is in fact truly "clean" and all who professionally participate (still) do so committed to some unwritten "code of honour" that isn't defined by how much cash is in the unmarked envelope.

- LEBRON DOES A MANCHESTER CITY
Whoever once said "money can't buy happiness" is possibly right. What's more certain though, (especially when using the twin cases of Miami Heat and Man City as obvious examples), is that money can't necessarily buy the happiness of a national championship. Despite unlimited amounts of available cash, neither the NBA's biggest superstar nor the world's richest football club have (as yet) been able to convert dollars spent into trophies delivered. In both cases, as equally public and high-profile as eachother, the fattest bank balance hasn't provided the balanced squad essential to either team's sporting success. You have to think that unless their respective season's end with each holding aloft something large shiny and silver, then the price of failure might just be the most expensive cost of all...

-VIVA ESPANA!

One of the greatest attacking squads ever assembled won FIFA's World Cup averaging barely a goal a game. Pragmatism dominated performance as the reigning European Champs finally broke their ever-long drought and achieved ultimate success at the planet's premier sporting event. The only thing worse than the final itself was the incessant drone of 90,000 cheap plastic carhorns, masquerading as some culturally vital musical accompaniment. Utter bollocks. When (FIFA boss) Sepp Blatter recently advised against any "gay activity" during the 2022 tournament in Qatar, I can only assume that he, like so many of us, is thinking of only one thing - do it Sepp, ban all them "vuvuzela" eh bloke?

-AND THE ULTIMATE WINNER IS...

-Teenage Aussie sailor Jessica Watson who won her own round-the-world-yacht-race sailing triumphantly into Sydney Harbour with full flotilla escort in tow. Certainly worth celebrating if anyone else had entered the event. Not quite the same magic anywhere on board though when the penny dropped that the fastest boat, was also the only boat. Pretending that this was somehow sport can be attributed entirely to the sad result of what happens to a once proud sporting nation when a mob of marauding Poms invade their isle before removing all resident dignity with a pants-down botty-smack of bumshellack proportions.

And quite frankly my Dear Ramsbottom, isn't it just frightfully fun to watch!

The team of Sam Bewley, Wes Gough, Marc Ryan and Jesse Sergent defeated the host nation in a time of four minutes flat at colombia.  :won: :won: :won: :won: :won: :won: :won: :won:

We've just had about enough of this rain.  :angry:

NZRU Age Grade Player of the Year

Liaki Moli (Auckland, New Zealand Under 20)

Richard Crawshaw Memorial Sevens Player of the Year

Kurt Baker (Taranaki, New Zealand Sevens)

Referee of the Year

Bryce Lawrence

Women's Player of the Year

Carla Hohepa (Otago, Black Ferns)

Rugby Volunteer of the Year

Hilton Williams (Horowhenua Kapiti)

Super 14 Player of the Year

Alby Mathewson (Wellington, Blues, All Blacks)

Tom French Memorial Maori Player of the Year

Hosea Gear - Ngati Porou (Wellington, Hurricanes, New Zealand M?ori, All Blacks)

Heartland Championship Player of the Year

Peter Rowe (Wanganui, Heartland XV)

ITM Cup Player of the Year

Robbie Fruean (Canterbury)

Team of the Year

Black Ferns

Coach of the Year

Gordon Tietjens (New Zealand Sevens)

Steinlager Salver for an Outstanding Contribution to New Zealand Rugby

Keith Quinn

Kelvin R Tremain Memorial Player of the Year

Kieran Read (Canterbury, Crusaders, All Blacks)


 =D> =D> =D> =D> :dumlak: :dumlak: :dumlak: :dumlak:

Pools

Pool A: England, Wales, United States, Cook Islands.

Pool B: New Zealand, Argentina, Scotland, Papua New Guinea.

Pool C: Samoa, Australia, Kenya, Tonga.

Pool D: Fiji, South Africa, France, Canada.

 :laugh: Ever had 1 of those days where you typed something else instead of something else? Like me typing "swimming poop" instead of swimming pool.  :