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Topics - ҂ ȿḉặᵰɗἷἧäѷїѧҋ↔ᶀɍǐȶĩṧӊ ₰
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241
« on: January 26, 2011, 06:04:40 AM »
Rules for men
1. The Female always makes The Rules.
2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. (If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.)
7. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.)
8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.
14. The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, and is a wimp.
15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.
16. At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is complaining.
17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void!
Rules for women
This is a list of rules that guys wished women knew...
(In response to the popular "A Woman's 50 Rules for Men")
1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
3. Don't make us guess.
4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."
7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
8. Dogs are better than cats.
9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
12. You have enough clothes.
13. You have too many shoes.
14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
15. Your brother is an idiot.
16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
18. Share the bathroom
19. Share the closet.
20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
24. Check your oil.
25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
27. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
28. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
29. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
30. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
31. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.
35. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. Don't make 50 rules when 36 will do.
242
« on: January 25, 2011, 06:55:16 PM »
Want everyones opinion but this is your own personal opinion. If you had kids, would you set them up on an arrange marriage? So pretty much when they grow up, are you against them marrying someone they love because you'd like them to have arrange marriage and choose who they'll marry?
243
« on: January 25, 2011, 06:41:01 PM »
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: What did you expect to see on here?
Why bicycles are better than Women...
Bicycles don't get pregnant.
You can ride your Bicycle any time of the month.
Bicycles don't have parents.
Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
You can share your Bicycle with your friends.
Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you've ridden.
When riding, you and your Bicycle can arrive at the same time.
Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you have.
Bicycles don't care if you look at other Bicycles.
Bicycles don't care if you buy Bicycle magazines.
You'll never hear, "Surprise, you are going to own a new Bicycle" unless you go out to buy one yourself.
If your Bicycle goes flat you can fix it.
If your Bicycle is too loose you can tighten it.
If your Bicycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics with it.
You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Bicycle.
If you say bad things to your Bicycle, you don't have to apologize before you ride it again.
You can ride your Bicycle as long as you want and it won't get sore.
You can stop riding your Bicycle as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.
Your parents won't remain in touch with your old bicycle after you dump it.
Bicycles don't get headaches.
Bicycles don't insult you if you're a bad rider.
Your Bicycle never wants a night out with the other Bicycles.
Bicycles don't care if you're late.
You don't have to take a shower before you ride your bicycle.
If your Bicycle doesn't look good you can paint it or get better parts.
You can ride your Bicycle the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.
The only protection you have to wear when riding your Bicycle is a decent helmet.
When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great ride you had the last time you were on your Bicycle.
244
« on: January 25, 2011, 06:20:19 AM »
This is a true story. Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn't feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.
My kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn't say a word to me. So when I made it out of the house and started for work, I felt pretty dumpy and despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Joanne said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!" It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. I worked in a zombie like fashion until about one o'clock, when Joanne knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your Birthday, why don't we go out for lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Joanne, that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch but not where we'd normally go. Instead she took me to a quiet bistro with a private table. We had a couple of mixed drinks and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Joanne said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't have to go right back to the office, do we?" I replied with "I suppose not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's go to my apartment, it's just around the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Joanne turned to me and said, "Boss if you don't mind, I'm goinna to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake...
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends, and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked.
245
« on: January 24, 2011, 07:07:09 PM »
I'm a batter as i'm better at it.
246
« on: January 24, 2011, 04:58:55 AM »
A man goes to his doctor and says, "I don't think my wife's hearing isn't as good as it used to be. What should I do?"
The doctor replies, "Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question, if she doesn't respond keep moving closer asking the question until she hears you."
The man goes home and sees his wife preparing dinner. He stands fifteen feet behind her and says, "What's for dinner, honey?
He gets no response, so he moves to ten feet behind her and asks again. Still no response, so he moves to five feet. Still, no answer.
Finally he stands directly behind her and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replies, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN!"
247
« on: January 24, 2011, 04:43:47 AM »
I've noticed you guys are very affectionate people and you call each other with all these affectionate names such as, baby, hun, darling, sweety.  : : : : Now being a kiwi myself, i can't exactly say the same thing about us, we're not the sort o' people that display likings, attachments, any strong emotions. If we do come across with someone who does, we'd give them the waheguru-weird look. :
248
« on: January 24, 2011, 04:28:51 AM »
Someone tell me who the sikh god is. My bf wears this steel bracelet thing around his wrist and he took it off. I knew it was a religion symbolism and i asked him who the sikh god was again and i can't bring myself to spell out what he said, i know it had an 'n' in it.
We were having lunch and i told him to try my sandwich and he refused saying in the sikhism religion you shouldn't eat meat or beef. On my sandwich, it had beef ham and eggs. Is this actually true?
249
« on: January 22, 2011, 06:30:10 PM »
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."
250
« on: January 21, 2011, 06:24:46 AM »
Today was nice and very autumn sort of weather, overcast and cold wind. I stayed outside the whole day. It's summer here right now so it gave us relief from the heat. Now it's raining outside. How's it going wherever you guys are? Give us a weather update in your area.
251
« on: January 21, 2011, 05:30:09 AM »
FRI - 4TH FEB 11
19:45 Wales vs England
SAT - 5TH FEB 11
13:30 Italy vs Ireland
16:00 France vs Scotland
SAT - 12TH FEB 11
14:30 England vs Italy
17:00 Scotland vs Wales
SUN - 13TH FEB 11
15:00 Ireland vs France
SAT - 26TH FEB 11
13:30 Italy vs Wales
17:00 England vs France
SUN - 27TH FEB 11
15:00 Scotland vs Ireland
SAT - 12TH MAR 11
3:30 Italy vs France
17:00 Wales vs Ireland
SUN - 13TH MAR 11
15:00 England vs Scotland
SAT - 19TH MAR 11
14:30 Scotland vs Italy
17:00 Ireland vs England
18:45 France vs Wales
252
« on: January 20, 2011, 04:33:26 AM »
NY yankee curtis granderson is in auckland trying to get people to play baseball and introducing the game to different parts of the world. Could he get any lamer. :wait:
253
« on: January 19, 2011, 07:20:30 PM »
This old man(owner of the shop) is always suspicious with a lot of hatred. I stood there in front o' him, was about to pay and he didn't take his eyes off at this guy who looked like he lived on the streets. So i cleared my throat and he was like "Whattt!?" it seemed like i gave him a fright /:) I was like waheguru! just going to pay. Another time i was there, he was blabbering on about s**t and he was really gutsful towards certain people and how his son got a tat that was of a religious symbol and he wanted him to get rid of it. :
254
« on: January 18, 2011, 07:41:11 PM »
Australia's matt goss won the 138km stage 1 2011 tour down under. 
255
« on: January 18, 2011, 06:55:59 PM »
We're all about to crash and drown. You can't save yourself(it's just the way it is) but you have a choice to save 1 person in pj. Who is it going to be? Btw don't pick someone just because they pick you or because you "like" them for whatever reason. Rather who is the most important that they gotta live, the most valuable, most deserving, the 1 who could manage etc. I would save because the world needs more of him, he's a good guy who loves cars, who's friendly and does a good job when there's a job to be done and therefore he deserves to live. I know he's from aussie but yeah, goodluck mate. :pagel:
256
« on: January 18, 2011, 06:10:07 PM »
Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.
Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.
Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.
Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.
Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.
Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.
Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.
Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English".
Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
Aussies: Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to be cool.
Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.
Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.
Americans: Drink weak, bad-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, bad-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, bad-tasting beer.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.
Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.
257
« on: January 17, 2011, 05:49:33 PM »
Day 1 results
Round 1
Men
Ivan Dodig (CRO) bt Ivo Karlovic (CRO) 6-4 3-6 6-7(5) 6-4 6-4.
3-Novak Djokovic (SRB) bt Marcel Granollers (ESP) 6-1 6-3 6-1.
9-Fernando Verdasco (ESP) bt Rainer Schuttler (GER) 6-1 6-3 6-2.
17-Ivan Ljubicic (CRO) bt WC-Peter Luczak (AUS) 6-3 6-3 7-6(2).
Janko Tipsarevic (SRB) bt Mischa Zverev (GER) 6-3 6-1 6-4.
Gilles Simon (FRA) bt Lu Yen-Hsun (TPE) 6-7(3) 6-2 6-4 6-2.
WC-Benoit Paire (FRA) bt Q-Flavio Cipolla (ITA) 6-1 7-5 6-1.
14-Nicolas Almagro (ESP) bt Q-Stephane Robert (FRA) 6-4 6-3 6-7(4) 7-5.
28-Richard Gasquet (FRA) bt Q-Frank Dancevic (CAN) 6-3 6-4 6-4.
Tommy Robredo (ESP) bt WC-Somdev Devvarman (IND) 7-6(4) 6-3 6-4.
19-Stanislas Wawrinka (SUI) bt Teymuraz Gabashvili (RUS) 7-6(3) 6-4 6-4 0-0.
29-Viktor Troicki (SRB) bt Dmitry Tursunov (RUS) 6-2 3-6 6-2 6-0.
6-Tomas Berdych (CZE) bt Q-Marco Crugnola (ITA) 6-4 6-0 6-2.
Igor Andreev (RUS) bt Filippo Volandri (ITA) 6-3 7-6(3) 6-3.
Philipp Kohlschreiber (GER) bt Tobias Kamke (GER) 1-6 4-6 7-6(6) 6-4 6-4.
Q-Grigor Dimitrov (BUL) bt Andrey Golubev (KAZ) 6-1 6-4 6-2.
25-Albert Montanes (ESP) bt Dustin Brown (GER) 6-4 6-2 3-6 2-6 7-5.
Q-Grigor Dimitrov (BUL) bt Andrey Golubev (KAZ) 6-1 6-4 6-2.
Q-Nicolas Mahut (FRA) bt Brian Dabul (ARG) 6-3 6-4 6-4.
8-Andy Roddick (USA) bt Jan Hajek (CZE) 6-1 6-2 6-2.
2-Roger Federer (SUI) bt Lukas Lacko (SVK) 6-1 6-1 6-3.
Florian Mayer (GER) bt 23-Nikolay Davydenko (RUS) 6-3 4-6 7-6(4) 6-4.
16-Mardy Fish (USA) bt Victor Hanescu (ROU) 2-6 4-6 6-3 7-5 6-3.
Florian Mayer (GER) bt 23-Nikolay Davydenko (RUS) 6-3 4-6 7-6(4) 6-4.
Frederico Gil (POR) bt Pablo Cuevas (URU) 6-4 6-7(7) 4-6 6-3 9-7.
Xavier Malisse (BEL) bt Pablo Andujar (ESP) 6-1 6-2 7-6.
Adrian Mannarino (FRA) bt WC-Ryan Harrison (USA) 6-4 6-3 6-4.
Lukasz Kubot (POL) bt 18-Sam Querrey (USA) 5-7 6-2 3-6 6-1 8-6.
12-Gael Monfils (FRA) bt Thiemo de Bakker (NED) 6-7(5) 2-6 7-5 6-2 6-1.
Igor Kunitsyn (RUS) bt Michal Przysiezny (POL) 6-7(1) 6-4 6-4 7-6(6).
Kei Nishikori (JPN) bt Fabio Fognini (ITA) 6-1 6-4 6-7(4) 6-4.
26-Juan Monaco (ARG) bt LL-Simon Greul (GER) 7-6(5) 7-6(4) 6-2.
Robin Haase (NED) bt Carlos Berlocq (ARG) 6-4 6-3 7-6(5).
Sergiy Stakhovsky (UKR) bt Daniel Brands (GER) 6-2 6-3 6-4.
Women
Q-Arantxa Rus (NED) bt Bethanie Mattek-Sands (USA) 6-1 3-6 7-5.
21-Yanina Wickmayer (BEL) bt Jarmila Groth (AUS) 6-3 2-6 6-4.
11-Justine Henin (BEL) bt Q-Sania Mirza (IND) 5-7 6-3 6-1.
Q-Anne Keothavong (ENG) bt Q-Arina Rodionova (RUS) 7-5 6-4.
Anastasija Sevastova (LAT) bt Polona Hercog (SLO) 6-4 7-6(5).
23-Svetlana Kuznetsova (RUS) bt Alison Riske (USA) 6-3 6-2.
Elena Baltacha (SCO) bt Q-Jamie Hampton (USA) 3-6 6-4 7-5.
Barbora Zahlavova Strycova (CZE) bt 17-Aravane Rezai (FRA) 6-0 3-6 7-5.
Andrea Hlavackova (CZE) bt Patricia Mayr (AUT) 7-5 6-4.
8-Victoria Azarenka (BLR) bt Q-Kathrin Worle (GER) 6-0 6-2.
Q-Vesna Manasieva (RUS) bt Laura Pous (ESP) 7-5 6-2.
WC-Jelena Dokic (AUS) bt Zuzana Ondraskova (CZE) 6-3 6-2.
4-Venus Williams (USA) bt Sara Errani (ITA) 6-3 6-2.
Vania King (USA) bt Tamira Paszek (AUT) 6-7(4) 6-0 6-3.
Regina Kulikova (RUS) bt 28-Daniela Hantuchova (SVK) 7-6(3) 3-6 9-7.
15-Marion Bartoli (FRA) bt Tathiana Garbin (ITA) 6-0 6-0.
Virginie Razzano (FRA) bt Elena Vesnina (RUS) 4-6 6-3 6-3.
30-Andrea Petkovic (GER) bt Jill Craybas (USA) 6-1 6-2
9-Li Na (CHN) bt Sofia Arvidsson (SWE) 6-1 7-5.
32-Tsvetana Pironkova (BUL) bt Pauline Parmentier (FRA) 6-4 3-6 6-3.
Sandra Zahlavova (CZE) bt Renata Voracova (CZE) 6-3 6-1.
Chanelle Scheepers (RSA) bt Karolina Sprem (CRO) 4-6 6-4 6-2.
1-Caroline Wozniacki (DEN) bt Gisela Dulko (ARG) 6-3 6-4.
29-Dominika Cibulkova (SVK) bt Angelique Kerber (GER) 6-2 6-7(4) 6-4.
20-Kaia Kanepi (EST) bt Magdalena Rybarikova (SVK) 2-6 6-4 6-3.
6-Francesca Schiavone (ITA) bt Arantxa Parra (ESP) 6-7(4) 6-2 6-4.
Julia Goerges (GER) bt Edina Gallovits-Hall (ROU) 6-3 4-6 6-3.
Alberta Brianti (ITA) bt Lucie Hradecka (CZE) 6-4 7-5.
Monica Niculescu (ROU) bt Timea Bacsinszky (SUI) 6-0 6-3.
14-Maria Sharapova (RUS) bt Tamarine Tanasugarn (THA) 6-1 6-3.
Evgeniya Rodina (RUS) bt WC-Olivia Rogowska (AUS) 6-3 6-1.
258
« on: January 17, 2011, 04:53:23 PM »
Is the admin, grenade singh? :Laugh: :Laugh: :Laugh: :Laugh: :Laugh: :Laugh: :Laugh: :Laugh: :Laugh: :Laugh: :Laugh: :Laugh: 
259
« on: January 15, 2011, 05:32:41 AM »
 Spain's david ferrer wins the heineken open finals thrashing argentina's david nalbandian, 6-3 6-2. I was rooting for ferrer in the 1st set and then nalbandian for the 2nd set after ferrer won the 1st set. Ferrer was the top seed. The younger crowd and the chicks favoured ferrer and nalbandian was the older crowd's favourite. Overall nalbandian is the singles runner up.
260
« on: January 15, 2011, 05:06:49 AM »
Top 3 Signs You're Playing Too Much Nintendo Wii
You adjust your facial hair in real life to make it easier to create an accurate Mii of yourself.
When you continually get gutter balls in real life bowling and then use your Wii-bowl technique and get a strike.
You're shocked to see a real baseball game go more than 3 innings.
Top 3 Most Inappropriate Wii Jokes
Come over and play with my Wii tonight.
I'm playing with my Wii.
My Wii is so much fun!
Top 3 Dumbest Wii One-Liner Jokes
I've got to take a Wii
Houston, Wii have a problem
It's so much more fun to Wii with lots of people watching.
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