A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass." The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios." WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His Mom locks him in his room and shouts,"You can stay there until I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios."

A Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. "Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm?" The mother replied "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."

The little Indian boy then asked "Why is my sister named Cornflower?" "Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her", she replied.

Next he asked "And why is my other sister called Moonchild?" "We were watching the moon-landing when she was conceived", the mother replies.

The mother then paused, looked at her son inquisitively and asked... "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?"

My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.


Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.


"Hi.I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."


"You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message."


Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.


"You have reached the number that you have dialed, but I
have made some changes in my life. Leave a message and if
I dont call you back then your one of them."


"Look, I've had a really bad day.  Yesterday too.  And tomorrow doesn't look nearly as good.  But, uh, if you want, go ahead and say a few words after the gunshot."


"Would you say something?  I can't read minds."


"Hi.  I'm screening my calls right now because there are some people I don't want to talk to.  So, leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you as long as you're not one of them."


Hi, we have everything we need and we spent all of our money getting it,
so if you need money you'd better call someone else.


Hi, you've reached 123 4567.  you know what to do, and you know when to
do it!


A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.


Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.


(From Japanese friend) He-lo! This is Sa-to, If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave "sexy" message, I call sooner!


Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right....real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.


I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you'relistening to it...I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.


Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll...don't even think about it!....Don't....!

The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.


Andy Warhol said that one day everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Well, your 15 minutes was last week, but since you weren't ready, we gave it to Vanna White. Sorry.


Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I die before I wake, Remember to erase the tape.


These words are lovely dark and deep But I've got promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep So leave a message at the beep.


Hey sugar, you call this number often? I bet you have answering machines bothering you all the time... Yes indeedy. Why don't you give me a call sometime and we can listen to some old recordings... I might even play my beep for you.


I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number,I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.


Hi there. This is Joe speaking. I'm home right now, and in a moment, I'll have a decision to make. Leave your name and number and I'll be thinking about it...


I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.


(Very fast:) Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP


You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...

Considering scott lewis is taller and heavier than sonny bill. I guess everyone was expecting him to win at goldcoast and underestimated williams. But we've once again proven just how tough we are as a country.  =D> =D> =D> =D> :won: :won: :won: :won: :won: :won: But williams is a better rugby player and we want him back in the rugby union. Ditch boxing!

A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."

The Santa Claus at the shopping mall was very surprised when a young lady about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him so he asked her, 'What do you want for Christmas?'

'Something for my mother, please,' replied the girl sweetly.

'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of you,' smiled Santa. 'What do would you like me to bring her?'

Without turning a hair the girl answered quickly, 'A son-in-law.'

In a very small alley two trucks driving in opposite directions meet.

As the drivers are equally stubborn, neither of them wants to reverse.

They angrily look one at the other.

Finally, one of them picks up a newspaper and starts reading.

The other one politely asks, "When you've finished the paper, will you please bring it over, and let me read it?"

What comes 3 times in a minute, twice in an hour and only once a day? My bf just asked. Hurry up and tell me!  :

 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

: It's just a dream. The mummified person looked like this




News came that codename was staying on 1 of the rooms. So i knocked over there, was quite impatient so i pushed the door open, saw that he was sleeping and looked over to the right, I SAW A MUMMIFIED PERSON. waheguru!!!! That’s exactly my expression. I closed the door. Then this crazy chick came outta nowhere going nuts, so we were having a scrap right there. I wasn’t in the mood to fight so i pushed here all the way to another room at the other end and i ran off but i forgot to locked her up so she came running after. I opened codename’s door again and i wasn’t wrong or dreaming, there really was a mummified person there, i yelled out codename’s..name. The chick was still having a go at me unaware of what I saw. Codename finally came to the door! He gestured for me to come in but had to get rid of the chick 1st. Everything was just really weird. Then there was a flash, I was in the water, codename, a little girl, a woman and a little boy were there. The boy drowned and i must’ve known that little boy because I remember he did actually drown, what I saw wasn’t real, the boy wasn’t actually there. The woman and codename seemed pretty close but i knew codename doesn’t have a gf, let alone kids. Didn’t realised i was floating on the spot where the boy drowned. Then we were back at the place, i stormed into his room and codename just came out of the shower. Then we talked. More stuff happened but not worth mentioning.


I was weirded out of the whole thing. Hhahaha.