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Topics - j@zz
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« on: October 28, 2007, 05:56:43 AM »
Man Are Hard To Please....
> The problems with GUYS:
> > If u TREAT him nicely, he says u r in LOVE with him;
> > If u Don't, he says u r PROUD.
> > If u DRESS Nicely, he says u r trying to LURE him;
> > If u Don't, he says u r from VILLAGE.
> > If u ARGUE with him, he says u r STUBBORN;
> > If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
> > If u r SMARTER that him, he'll lose FACE;
> > If he's SMARTER than u, he is GREAT.
> > If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
> > If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u. (very true huh?)
> > If u don't make love with him, he says u don't Love him;
> > If u do!! he says u r CHEAP.
> > If u SCOLD him, u r like a NANNY to him;
> > If he SCOLDS u, b'cuz he CARES for u.
> > If u BREAK ur PROMISE, u cannot be TRUSTED;
> > If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
> > If u SMOKE / DRINK, u r BAD girl;
> > If he SMOKES / DRINKS, he's GENTLEMEN.
> > If u do WELL in ur exam, he says it's LUCK;
> > If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
> > If u HURT him, u r CRUEL;
> > If he HURTS u, u r too SENSETIVE!!!!
MEN
> SO HARD TO PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!
2
« on: October 28, 2007, 05:17:36 AM »
-Kiss on the Forehead: I hope were
together forever.
-Kiss on the Ear: You're my everything.
-Kiss on the Cheek: We're friends.
-Kiss on the Hand: I adore you.
-Kiss on the Neck: We belong together.
-Kiss on the Shoulder: I want you.
-Kiss on the Lips: I love you.
_______________________________________
What the gesture means...
-Holding Hand: We definitely like each
other.
-Holding on tight: I dont want to let u
go.
-Looking into each others Eyes: I just
plain like you.
-Playing with Hair: Tell me you love
me.
-Arms around the Waist: I like you too
much to let go.
-Laughing while Kissing: I am
completely comfortable with you.
It was a fwd msg to me guys..n i dedicate this esp for u lovebirds out thr who r truly in love.
No misunderstandingz n no offence plz.Thanx.
3
« on: October 17, 2007, 02:59:49 AM »
5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she! says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, "
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: " Sure , why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." !
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the! tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is necessary your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's better to keep your voice low and watch - enemy or friend!
THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
4
« on: October 17, 2007, 02:55:06 AM »
Joke of the Day :
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth friend returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"
One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?" The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment." The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too badly either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."
5
« on: October 17, 2007, 02:36:55 AM »
If windows were to be in Punjabi, then you would
be using the following commands.
Windows 2000: Do hazar Khirkhian
Send: Sutto
Insert: Wich Pao
Attachment: Naal Lao
Edit: Sidda karo
View: Waikhee Jaao
Forward: Aggay Sutto
Inbox: Undar Da Daak Khana
Outbox: Baar Da Daak Khana
Trash: Mitti Paao
Sent Items: Bheji Gayee Dak
Address Book: Patay Wali Kaapy
Reply: Bejan Walay Nu Jawab deo
Reply All: Saareyaan Nu Jawab deo
Delete: Daffa karo
Download: Thallay Lao
Download All: Saary Cheezan Noon Thallay Laao
Properties: Jaidad
Connect: Naal Milaao
Fonts: Likhaai
Accounts: Ghala
Drafts: Chitheeyaan
Find: Labbo
Paste: Thuk Naal Chipkao
From: Bhejan Wala Banda
To: Door Betha Hoya Banda
Subject: Khaas Gall
Carbon Copy: Koelay Wali Naqal
Blind Carbon Copy: Anni Koellay Wali Naqal
Folders: Thailay
High Priority: Waddee Takleef
And finally
Ctrl+Alt+Delete: Sara Syapa Mukaao
6
« on: October 17, 2007, 02:34:08 AM »
It was the first day of school and a new student named Phaag Singh entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.
Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death"?
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for ,Phaag Singh who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775" he said.
"Very good!" Who said "Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?"
Again, no response except from Phaag Singh. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said Phaag.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Singh, who is new to our country, knows more! about its history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Indians,"
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Phaag Singh put his hand up. "General Custer, 1862."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glares around and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Phaag says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? S*ck this!"
Phaag jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Phaag frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're f**ked!"
And Phaag said quietly, "George Bush, Iraq , 2005."
7
« on: October 17, 2007, 02:22:07 AM »
Marriage Life Before and After !!
Before marriage.
Darling here.. darling there...
After marriage.
Throw here... throw there..
Before marriage.
I can die for you. . .
After marriage.
"You die, up to you. "
The longer the marriage.
You die I help you!
Before marriage.
You go anywhere. . I follow you.
After marriage. .
You go anywhere. . up to you .
The longer the marriage.
You go anywhere better get lost!!
Before wedding
you are my heart, you are my love"
After wedding
"you get on my nerves. "
Before wedding
"you are sweet and kind just like Cinderella"
After wedding
"you are worse than godzila"
Before wedding
Roses are red, violets are blue. Like it or not, I'm stuck with you
After wedding
Roses are dead, I am blue. You get on my head, I will sue you
Before wedding
Every meal he brings you to Taj
After wedding
You want to go, he says you wait-la
Before wedding
She looks like Angelina Jolie
After wedding
Don't know whether frog or lizard
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