This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.
Topics - SonnenKinder
Pages: [1] 2 3 4 5 6 ... 63
1
« on: October 12, 2012, 08:52:30 PM »
A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him. "I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will." "All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say. The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry. Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?" God said: "When I made the woman she had to be special. I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort. I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children. I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining. I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very b
adly. I gave her strength to carry her man through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. I gave her wisdom to know that a good man never hurts his woman, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfaltering. And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed." "You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."
2
« on: October 08, 2012, 05:33:11 AM »
A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.
The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican's pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.
Now you understand the difference between Republicans and Democrats
3
« on: September 18, 2012, 09:54:34 PM »
This comes from 2 math teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience.
It has an indisputable mathematical logic.
It also made me Laugh Out Loud.
This is a strictly ….. mathematical viewpoint… and it goes like this: What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
And
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there.
Its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
Now you know why some people are where they are!
4
« on: September 09, 2012, 11:26:56 PM »
1. You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. An old friend who once saved your life. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about. Knowing that there can only be one passenger in your car, whom would you choose? 2. Acting on an anonymous phone call, the police raid a house to arrest a suspected murderer. They don't know what he looks like but they know his name is John and that he is inside the house. The police bust in on a carpenter, a lorry driver, a mechanic and a fireman all playing poker. Without hesitation or communication of any kind, they immediately arrest the fireman. How do they know they've got their man? 3. How could a baby fall out of a twenty-story building onto the ground and live? 4. A man and his son are in a car crash. The father is killed and the child is taken to hospital gravely injured. When he gets there, the surgeon says, 'I can't operate on this boy - for he is my son!!!' How can this possibly be? 5. There are six eggs in the basket. Six people each take one of the eggs. How can it be that one egg is left in the basket? SCROLL DOWN FOR ANSWERS "
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
"
Answer1: The old lady of course! After helping the old lady into the car, you can give your keys to your friend, and wait with your perfect partner for the bus. Answer 2:The fireman is the only man in the room. The rest of the poker players are women. Answer3: The baby fell out of a ground floor window. Answer4: The surgeon can not operate on her own son; she is his mother. Answer5:The last person took the basket with the last egg still inside.
5
« on: September 08, 2012, 09:03:56 PM »
6
« on: September 08, 2012, 08:56:24 PM »
Once all villagers decide to pray for rain. On the day of prayer all people gathered but only one guy came with an umbrella. That is Faith When u throw a one year old baby in the air, he laughs because he knows his father will catch him. That is Trust Every night we go to bed, we have no assurance to wake up alive next morning, but still be we set alarm for tomorrow. That is Hope
7
« on: August 31, 2012, 04:25:54 AM »
I personally would suggest Government. They never go to Jail.
8
« on: August 03, 2012, 09:28:41 PM »
Salman Khan's new movie "Ek tha Tiger" gonna be released soon (prolly on 15th of August). But before u watch this movie, u must know a lil bit about the real hero of this movie. The person in pic. above is not a famous personality like Salman Khan and prolly a few hv heard about him. The name of this person was Ravinder Kaushik, an ex-agent of Indian spy organization RAW. Nabi Ahmed, as he was known in Pakistan, wud hv been a senior officer in Pakistani army now saving the lives of Indian soldiers But Ahmed-Agent Ravinder Kaushik to the Indian Intelligent establishment-died a miserable death in a Pakistani jail after a searing chapter in India's espionage history went awry. Kaushik had been cruising along fine on Mission Pakistan, penetrating deep and reaching the heart of the enemy establishment - the army- as a resident agent of RAW and doing commendable service as a spy sitting in a right place in enemy land. Till Inayat Masiha, an operative sent by RAW to contact Kaushik in september 1983 inadvertently blew the agents cover. Kaushik joined RAW in 1975 as a 23 years old after graduating from SriGanganagar, Rajasthan. Trained to act as a resident agent, he went to Pakistan, assumed the alias Nabi Ahmed, did his graduation in Law, learnt Urdu, married their and joined Pakistani army Kaushik was then captured, tortured for two years in an interrogation centre in Sialkot, dumped in Mianwali jail for another 16 and left to die in November 2001. [/left]
9
« on: April 14, 2012, 08:50:22 PM »
10
« on: April 06, 2012, 11:27:34 AM »
Lord of the Rings..Drinking game
11
« on: April 06, 2012, 03:46:40 AM »
12
« on: April 04, 2012, 06:47:21 PM »
We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity.
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ, the following chain of events is put into motion: Routine…
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces,
and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
More routine… (6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer
while he flips the meat
Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine…
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off.” And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that
there’s just no pleasing some women…
13
« on: April 04, 2012, 06:34:33 PM »
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with. Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. Camille, age 10
No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don’t want any more kids. Lori, age 8
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. Martin, age 10 (Who said boys do not have brains)
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. Craig, age 9
When they’re rich. Pam, age 7 (I could not have said it better myself)
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that. Curt, age 7 (Good Point)
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do. Howard, age 8 (Who made the rule)
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there? Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favourite is……..
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. Ricky, age 10 (The boy already understands)
14
« on: March 31, 2012, 12:39:02 AM »
15
« on: March 28, 2012, 07:50:31 PM »
english translation curtesy Paul
16
« on: March 28, 2012, 07:36:13 PM »
17
« on: March 28, 2012, 07:32:41 PM »
Remind me of the Boeing company!
18
« on: March 28, 2012, 07:24:34 PM »
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, 'What are all those clocks?' St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move. 'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?' 'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.' 'Incredible,' said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?' St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.' 'Where's Barrack Obama's clock?' asked the man. 'Obama's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.
19
« on: March 28, 2012, 07:10:37 PM »
1. A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
2. A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'
3. The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
4. A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'
5.It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
20
« on: March 28, 2012, 05:09:48 AM »
YOU ARE REGRETFULLY INVITED
TO THE WEDDING BETWEEN MY PERFECT SON THE DOCTOR AND SOME CHEAP TWO-BIT TRAMP WHOSE NAME ESCAPES ME RIGHT NOW THE BIGGEST DISASTER IN MY FAMILY'S HISTORY WILL TAKE PLACE AT 9 pm on Sunday, September 8th AND NO DOUBT END IN DIVORCE.
HOPEFULLY IN TIME TO STILL BE ELIGIBLE FOR AN ANNULMENT.
THE OVERWHELMINGLY DISAPPOINTING HEARTBREAK CEREMONY WILL BE FOLLOWED BY DINNER, WHERE NUTS WILL BE SERVED BECAUSE WHATSHERFACE HAS AN ALLERGY.
Pages: [1] 2 3 4 5 6 ... 63
|
Show Posts
