Fake Job Application Form for Punjabi dabba...

=> NAME: Powerlifter
=> SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
=> DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
=> DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
=> EDUCATION: Yes.
=> LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
=> SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
=> REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
=> HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
=> PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
=> DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
=> MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
=> DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU
=> FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
=> HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
=> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
=> DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE
BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
=> SIGN HERE: Aries