1.My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
2.My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
3.A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
4.I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I asked her, "Where's the car?" She replied," In the lake."
5.The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
6.After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice." 
7.Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. 
8.A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
9.Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late. 
10.It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer. 
11.Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
12.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.