1.Q: What did one math book say to the other?
A: Man I got a lot of problems!

2.A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!

3.A family went to a hospital, where one of their relatives would be having a brain transplant. One of the relatives asked, "What will the cost of a new brain be?" The doctor replied, "A male brain costs $25,000 and a female brain costs $50,000." The women smirked, but one of the males asked, "Why is that, doctor?" "Well," the doctor replied,” the male brain is less because it has been used."

4.Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours?
A: Nacho cheese!

5."Cash, check or charge?" the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"Do you always carry your TV remote?" the cashier asked.
"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."