1.An elderly gentleman had had serious hearing problems for a number of years.  He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. 

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect.  Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. 

I just sit around and listen to their conversations.  I’ve changed my will three times!”


2.Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: “Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains.  I know you’re about my age.  How do you feel?”

Slim says, “I feel just like a newborn baby.”

“Really!?  Like a newborn baby!?”

“Yep.  No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”


3.An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. 

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, “Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.  I would recommend it very highly.”

The other man said, “What is the name of the restaurant?”

The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?  You know...  The one that’s red and has thorns.”

“Do you mean a rose?”

“Yes, that’s the one,” replied the man.  He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?” 


4.Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.  However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital. 

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. 

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 

“I don’t know,” he said.  “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.”


5.Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. 

During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. 

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 

“Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?” he asks. 

“Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”

“Sure.”

“Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” she asks. 

“No, I can remember it .”

“Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too.  Maybe you should write it down, so’s not to forget it?”

He says, “I can remember that.  You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.”

“I’d also like whipped cream.  I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?” she asks. 

Irritated, he says, “I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it!  Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!”

Then he toddles into the kitchen. 

After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. 

She stares at the plate for a moment. 

“I knew you’d forget something if you didn’t write it down.  Where’s my toast ?”


6.A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy, “So I hear you”re getting married?”

“Yep!”

“Do I know her?”

“Nope!”

“This woman, is she good looking?”

“Not really.”

“Is she a good cook?”

“Naw, she can’t cook too well.”

“Does she have lots of money?”

“Nope!  Poor as a church mouse.”

“Why in the world do you want to marry her then?”

“Because she can still drive!”


7.Three old guys are out walking. 

The first one says, “Windy, isn’t it?”

The second one says, “No, it’s Thursday!”

The third one says, “So am I.  Let’s go get a beer.”


8.A man was telling his neighbour, “I just bought a new hearing aid.  It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art.  It’s perfect.”

“Really,” answered the neighbour.  “What kind is it?”

“ Twelve thirty.”


9.Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. 

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. 

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”

Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: “Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”“

The doctor said, “I didn’t say that.  I said, “You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.”


10.A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool…

 

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. 

The waitress asked kindly, “Crushed nuts?”

“No,” he replied, “Arthritis

hheheheheh abhi toh ma jawan hun  :lol: :lol: :lol:

i love to chat wid budhe uncle aunty bs oh iko gal nu bar bar nah repeat karan tan   :hehe: :hehe:

i went to market wid mah nani..haye oye ki akha
pehla kehde ah sweater mehngi aa... ma n laini..fer jad otho chale gaye kehndi nahi ohi laini ma.... i said duje dukan te vekh lao same aa...kehnde nahi laini aa te osi dukan toh laini aa... :hehe: :hehe: :hehe:

puchan ala hove ohi cheej tan hegi aa..budhe lok jama jawak ho jane aa

ma ni hona budha :happy:

kiyu tu pardhan lagea

apni pasand hai ni hona buda..Any how to me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am :happy:

:lost: :lost: :lost: :lost: ki banda aa eh

tubelight :happy: meri age haigi 23 is vich 15 saal add kite ho gay 38 so every person who is 38 years old is buda for me...when i wud grow to be 38 then every person who is 53 years old wud be budha for me...and when i m 80 years old, a person hu be 95 years old wud be buda as per me...so mein ni hona budha kade b

awwwwwwwwwwwwww i lykd ur logic  =D> =D> =D>

fer tan ma v nahi budha hona  :balle: :balle:

oye tu 23 da vaise lagda n aa
shota ja jawak lagda aa  :he: :he:

:angr: :angr: 6 ft da chota jiha

o dafa honea matalb shakal toh vekhe tan chota lagda aa
akal toh paidal insan  :pagel:

teri akl ta discovery shuttle honi

ja bhaj ja ik tan keh rai aa v chota lagda aa  kush hon di bhajaie tapda pea aa
huuh
ja pare uncle jeha  :huhh:

: uncle

jes ju r uncle  :huhh:

chal teek kise ne ta menu bzurg samjhia

uncle ji namaste  ladu pede saste :pagel:

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

dimag mehnga. :happy:

:marro: