Accountant – Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

Auditor – Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

Banker – The fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)

Economist – An expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.

Statistician – Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

Actuary – Someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.

Programmer – Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.

Mathematician – A blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn’t there.

Lawyer – A person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a “brief.”

Psychologist – A man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.

Schoolteacher – A disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.

Consultant – Someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

Diplomat – Someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. :angr:

hahahaa funny lol but true

hahahaa funny lol but true

truth is always funnier dan fiction. I still remember dt my grandpa told me in ma childhood. a politican contesting election in punjab went from one mohalla to another asking ppl to vote for him. A buzurg said that they aint gonna vote for him coz he promised to install a handpump for drinking water in der village. Politician said i have got it installed in the very first year as member of assembley. Buzurg said wots da use of dt handpump that does not give us a single drop of drinking water. it does not work.. The politician said, well this time i promise that if u vote me, it wud start working too