This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.
Topics - DEEP's
Pages: [1] 2 3 4 5 6 ... 8
1
« on: October 26, 2010, 08:10:45 PM »
2
« on: February 28, 2010, 11:39:04 PM »
 yo yo yo yo
3
« on: February 08, 2010, 06:56:34 AM »
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer,
the second man was an Accountant,
the third man was a Chemist, and
the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat, "T-square, do your stuff."
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff."
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff."
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop
into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?"
The Government Employee called his cat and said, "CoffeeBreak, do your stuff."
Coffee Break jumped to his feet.......
ate the cookies..... ...
drank the milk........
shat on the paper.......
screwed the other three cats........
claimed he injured his back while doing so.......
filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.. .....
put in for Workers Compensation. ......... .....and
went home for the rest of the day on sick leave....... .....
AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!
4
« on: February 08, 2010, 06:48:35 AM »
We don't understand Women : Their "Whatever" "Anything" OR "You Decide"
1 . (Whatever)
Men: What should we have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why don't we have Mexican?
Women: No not Mexican, the last time i got pimples on my face
Men: Alright, why don't we have Szechwan cuisine
Women: Yesterday we ate Szechwan, today too?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhea
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
2. (Anything)
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching a movie? It's been a long time
Women: Watching movie is no good, it's a waste of time
Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?
Women: Exercise on such a hot day?
Men: Then find a cafe and have a drink
Women: I am off caffeine
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: Anything
3. (You decide)
Men: Then do we just go home?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's take the bus, I will accompany you
Women: The bus is dirty and crowded.
Men: OK; we will take a cab
Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance
Men: All right, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather
Women: I am hungry, can't walk.
Men: Then what do you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first?
Women: Whatever...
Men: What shall we eat?
Women: Anything..
============ ========= =========
5
« on: February 08, 2010, 06:40:55 AM »
One day a group of boys
Decided to have a race
They chose to climb a great big tree
And set off at a pace
The rest of their friends gathered
To see the boys at play
They talked about it to themselves
"Will they make it?" "No way!"
They called up to the children
"You'll never make it up that tree"
But the boys just kept on climbing
And said "just watch and you will see"
But the others, how they shouted
And thought the boys tried to ignore
They began to drop out one by one
Another, another and then more
But one boy kept on climbing
And made it to the top of the tree
He never lost faith but believed in himself
And said "this won't defeat me"
The others were quite amazed
At the squirrel at the top of the tree
"How on earth did he do it?" they said
"Well", said one, "he's completely deaf, you see"
So the motto of this poem is
You can reach the top of the tree
Just don't listen to what others say
Just believe in yourself and you'll see... :happy: :blink:
6
« on: February 08, 2010, 06:27:10 AM »
Who is DONKEY here
7
« on: February 01, 2010, 12:43:14 PM »
WATCH ONLY IF YOU HAVE A STRONG HEART
Oh God
--
--
--
--
--
--
--
No overtime
--
--
--
--
--
--
--
--
No Increment
--
--
--
--
--
--
--
--
--
--
No better food
--
--
--
--
--
--
--
--
No entertainment
--
--
--
--
--
--
--
--
--
--
--
-
-
-
Oh God
-
-
-
-
-
-
--
-
-
-
-
-
GOOD BYE TO ALL
-
-
-
-
-
-
8
« on: February 01, 2010, 12:30:01 PM »
I'm sorry
I'm sorry of being so emotional
I'm sorry of being so possessive
I'm sorry that I cry for you
I'm sorry because I can't live without you
I'm sorry for the tears you shed
I'm sorry for the damage I made
I'm sorry I've made you sick
Sorry I hurt you so deep
I'm sorry for giving you sleepless nights
I'm sorry for each and every fight
I'm sorry for your pain & agony
I'm sorry for the missing harmony
I'm sorry for my selfish love
I'm sorry for not caring enough
I'm sorry for my restlessness
I'm sorry for the losing grace
I'm sorry my friend I made you mad
I'm sorry darling you are so sad
Sorry for not giving you any happiness
Sorry because it's my disgrace
I'm sorry for thinking of you so very much
I'm sorry I always miss your touch
I'm sorry of being so mad about you
I'm sorry for my every blue
I'm sorry of being so immature
I'm sorry now that can't be cured
I'm sorry of being myself
I'm sorry that I've failed
I'm sorry and sorry again
I'm sorry of being insane
But believe me that I love you
Should I say sorry for that too?
I'm sorry I'm not perfect
I'm sorry for my ugly face
I'm sorry that I'm stupid
I'm even sorry for my race
I'm sorry I'm not funny
I'm sorry I'm not smart
I'm sorry I cant tell you
The truth within my heart
I'm sorry that you hate me
I'm sorry I'm in love
I'm sorry I act the way I do
I never thought it'd matter to you
I'm sorry for the tears I cry
I'm sorry I'm a failure in your eye
I'm sorry for a lot of things
But one thing im not sorry for
I'm not sorry for being me.
9
« on: February 01, 2010, 12:18:40 PM »
10
« on: February 01, 2010, 12:07:37 PM »
11
« on: January 22, 2010, 08:29:01 AM »
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the shortage of food in rest of the world".
The survey was a huge failure..... ... Do you know WHY?
** In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant.
* In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant.
* In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant.
* In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant.
* In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant.
* In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant.
* And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.
13
« on: January 03, 2010, 11:15:25 AM »
Don’t just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order.
There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.
"Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same is with life where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die. ……………….
One thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. Life is not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? …………….
It's ok, bunk a few classes, scoring low in couple of papers, goof up a few interviews, take leave from work, fall in love, little fights with your spouse. We are people, not programmed devices..... ...." :)
"Don't be serious, be sincere."!!
14
« on: December 11, 2009, 07:54:31 AM »
Success
At age 04 success is... Not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is... Having friends.
At age 18 success is... Having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is... Having money.
At age 50 success is... Having money.
At age 70 success is... Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is... Having friends.
At age 80 success is... Not peeing in your pants.
15
« on: December 07, 2009, 05:06:54 AM »
16
« on: December 07, 2009, 04:53:48 AM »
17
« on: December 03, 2009, 12:27:26 PM »
Equations - at it's best
Equation 1
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Human = Donkey + Work + enjoy
Therefore:
Human - enjoy = Donkey + Work
In other words,
A Human that doesn't know how to enjoy = Donkey that works.
** Equation 2 **
Man = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Man = Donkey + earn money
Therefore:
Man - earn money = Donkey
In other words
Man who doesn't earn money = Donkey
** Equation 3 **
Woman= eat + sleep + spend
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore:
Woman = Donkey + spend
Woman - spend = Donkey
In other words,
Woman who doesn't spend = Donkey
To Conclude: From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Man who doesn't earn money = Woman who doesn't spend
So Man earns money not to let woman become a donkey!
And a woman spends not to let the man become a donkey!
So, We have:
Man + Woman = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + Spend money
Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!
PLEASE IGNORE IF U R MARRIED.....
18
« on: December 03, 2009, 12:24:34 PM »
Dictionary for Women
Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you re right, but he just hasn t realized it yet.
Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.
Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up,
but, he, "made the dinner."
Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.
Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.
Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he isn t coming out anytime soon.
Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breath. ..push... "
Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck."
After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers. "
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.
Valentine s Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card
19
« on: December 03, 2009, 12:12:53 PM »
Guess what you can do with a touch screen, camera, scanner, WiFi, and google maps ...
View a building through it, and it gives you all the information about that building....
Choose a building and touch a floor and it tells you more details of the building. You can use it when you want to know a car model, an insect name, what kind of food is served at a restaurant and how much, who built a bridge, etc. etc.
It’s got a scanner built in.
so you can use it this way when you want to check the meaning of a word in the newspaper, book, magazine, etc. It would be much easier to read a real book. You can use the dictionary, wikipedia, thesaurus and anything else available on the web. What do you think?
Indoor guide:Works in a building, airport, station, hospital, etc.
Automatic simultaneous translation: here Latin to English.
Search keyword: Helpful when you want to find out a word from a lot of text in newspaper/book.
Nutrition: This kind of function would be helpful for health freaks..
20
« on: December 03, 2009, 11:56:55 AM »
Pages: [1] 2 3 4 5 6 ... 8
|
Show Posts
