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Messages - _noXiouS_
7381
« on: April 12, 2010, 04:17:20 PM »
I hate it when people play games.
Regarding this post for instance, if you were going to walk away then why are you expecting the other person stop you - plain BS
7382
« on: April 12, 2010, 04:14:20 PM »
13. Guys cry!!!
such A turn-off.
7383
« on: April 11, 2010, 06:28:03 PM »
Saddam Hussein's Answer: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. Sigmund Freud's Answer: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying insecurity Bill Clinton's Answer: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
 : : : :
7384
« on: April 11, 2010, 06:26:14 PM »
It depends on who you ask... GeorgeBush's Answer: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here. Al Gore's Answer: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people. Bill Gates' Answer: I have just released chicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of chicken. Martha Stewart's Answer: No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. Dr. Sues' Answer: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told! Ernest Hemingway's Answer: To die. In the rain. Alone. Martin Luther King Jr's Answer: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. Grandpa's Answer: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. Barbara Walters' Answer: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road. Ralph Nader's Answer: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV. Jerry Seinfield's Answer: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?" Pat Buchanan's Answer: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American. Rush Limbaugh's Answer: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross. Jerry Falwell's Answer: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." John Lennon's Answer: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace. Aristotle's Answer: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. Karl Marx's Answer: It was a historical inevitability. Saddam Hussein's Answer: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. Voltaire's Answer: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it. Captain Kirk's Answer: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. Fox Mulder's Answer: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it? Scully's Answer: It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens. Bill Clinton's Answer: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please? The Bible's Answer: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. Albert Einstein's Answer: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? Sigmund Freud's Answer: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying insecurity. L.A.P.D.'s Answer: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out. Spock's Answer It seemed like the logical thing to do at the time
7385
« on: April 11, 2010, 06:06:26 PM »
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic(absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
- So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct... leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
7386
« on: April 11, 2010, 05:57:50 PM »
Please Take note of the following, in effect from Monday.
Sickdays
We will not longer accept a doctor's note as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Surgery
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have somehing removed constitutes a breach of employment.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personals days a year. These are called Saturdays and Sundays.
Vacation Days
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows January 1 and December 25.
Bereavement Leave
There is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangment. In rare cases where employee involvment is necessary, the funeral should held in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.
Absence Due to Your Own Death
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice as it is your duty to train your own replacement.
Restroom Use
Too much time is being wasted in the restroom. In future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabethical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with "A" will go from 8.00 to 8.20, employees whose names begin with "B" will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on.
If you are unable to go at your alloted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies you may swap with a co-worker but both employees supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.
In addition, there is now a strict three minute time limit in the toilets. At the end of the three minutes an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract and the toilet door will open.
Lunch Break
Skinny people will get an one hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
Normal sized people will get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure.
Fat people will receive five minutes for lunch because that's all the time need to drink a Smil Fast and a diet pill.
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing £350 Prada shoes and carrying £600 Gucci bag we will assume you are doing financially well and therefore you do not need a raise.
Thank you for loyalty to our firm. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations etc should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice day.
The Management
7387
« on: April 11, 2010, 05:40:57 PM »
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and the sheep are scared : New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney ... runw hile you still can :laugh:
7388
« on: April 11, 2010, 05:39:06 PM »
Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It-Yet
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well Okay We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts: Our taxes are less Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, And Very Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Hookers and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
New Mexico: UFO Spotting For 50 years
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney ...
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!
Washington, D.C.:Wanna Be Mayor?
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and the sheep are scared
7389
« on: April 08, 2010, 09:04:26 PM »
koyi summarize hi kar dau, the print is too small to read.
bakki Tiger Woods, hahaha ohdiya harkata hi eddan diya si, he deserved what he got, but then again that's his personal life, because he's a celebrity it HAS to get blown out of proportion.
7390
« on: April 08, 2010, 03:09:01 PM »
sare apni intro kara ke gayab hi ho jande, that's funny :
7391
« on: April 08, 2010, 03:06:07 PM »
oh bas karo hun........ :Cry: :Cry: :Cry: :Cry:
yaar eh topic kidher nu lei jande ho
changi tarah intro kara ke chadni aa bai munde di :laugh:
7392
« on: April 08, 2010, 03:04:54 PM »
ehni sureeli awaaz aa meri, hor na kitte nazar laa deyo :pagel:
assi te laani a :pagel: :pagel: :pagel:
koyi gall ni tera hi nazar vaatu lau :
7393
« on: April 08, 2010, 03:02:30 PM »
Why can't you guys just turn off the autoplay. Why being so difficult? sheeesh!!! :pagel:
7394
« on: April 08, 2010, 01:13:47 PM »
:happy:
7395
« on: April 08, 2010, 01:10:33 PM »
Officer nabs alleged thief who asks for directions Utah police say a man accused of stealing two phones from a convenience store was arrested when he flagged down the investigating officer and asked for directions. Police say the officer noticed that John White matched the description a store clerk gave of the thief, and the address White wanted turned out to be the same one the officer was checking. The address had been left on a slip of paper the thief left at a gas station. White was arrested after the officer found he had both phones, along with a small amount of marijuana.
7396
« on: April 08, 2010, 01:01:41 PM »
Most of the New York City firefighters and medics whose lungs were damaged by pulverized masonry and glass from the World Trade Center attacks in 2001 are not improving as time goes by, according to a new study.
The results are based on breathing tests from nearly 11,000 firefighters who were at ground zero in first two weeks when the dust cloud was thickest. Of the firefighters who didn't smoke, 13 percent were still scoring below normal up to seven years later, the study found.
That number was down from 18 percent who initially tested below normal after the attacks, according to researchers at the New York City Fire Department and the Albert Einstein College of Medicine.
Among emergency medical technicians, the numbers were worse. Of the nearly 2,000 EMTs included in the analysis, 22 percent of the nonsmokers scored below normal on their most recent breathing test.
The research, based on tests that measure how fast a person can exhale, is in today's New England Journal of Medicine.
The study dims hopes that workers who developed respiratory problems after being exposed to the trade center's powdery and smoking remnants would gradually return to normal.
Firefighters commonly suffer some lung damage after being exposed to heavy smoke, but the problem is not usually long term. Previous studies of firefighters who lost breathing capacity after battling chemical and forest fires found that they generally recovered within days or weeks.
That hasn't happened with 9/11 responders, said Dr. David Prezant, the Fire Department's chief medical officer and a lead author of the study.
In the immediate aftermath, they were exposed to "unprecedented density of dust, smoke, all kinds of materials that they don't encounter in a routine course of firefighting," said Dr. Thomas Aldrich, professor of medicine at Albert Einstein.
-This frustrated me, while I was reading through this, recalling back the whole incident. I'll hold my opinions.
7397
« on: April 08, 2010, 12:55:04 PM »
Colo. judge fired over teen arrest for overdue DVD [/color] A longtime Colorado judge has been fired after issuing an arrest warrant for a teenager over an overdue library DVD. Municipal Judge James Kimmel issued the warrant after 19-year-old Aaron Henson failed to show up in court Jan. 14 over the overdue DVD, "House of Flying Daggers." On Jan. 25, police stopped the teen for speeding and held him for nearly eight hours after discovering the warrant. Henson had moved and didn't received the summons to court. The teen said he had packed the DVD in a box, and returned it about a week before Henson issued the warrant. The library notified the judge the DVD was back. The Littleton City Council fired Kimmel, a judge for nearly 30 years, at its meeting Tuesday night. Kimmel declined to comment to The Denver Post.
7398
« on: April 08, 2010, 12:46:39 PM »
A brand new silver Tata Nano, heralded as the world's cheapest car, stands in flames on the suburbs of Mumbai, India, Sunday, March 21, 2010. The car belonging to Satish Sawant, a software engineer, burst into flames as he was proudly driving it home from the showroom, draped with a celebratory garland of marigolds. Sawant managed to get his wife and five-year-old son out of the back seat before the smoke billowing from the rear engine turned into flames that engulfed the tiny car.
7399
« on: April 08, 2010, 12:38:40 PM »
In a Friday, March 26, 2010 photo, a trio of baby squirrels nurse on Pixie, a poodle owned by Gail Latta, in Henderson, N.C. the baby squirrels were left homeless in North Carolina when the tree they lived in was felled by a chain saw. Pixie still had milk after giving birth to her first litter of puppies a few months ago. After being nursed to five weeks, the squirrels were taken Saturday to a federal animal rehabilitation specialist who will continue raising them until they are ready to be released
7400
« on: April 08, 2010, 12:36:18 PM »
Scuba diver Charles Ang from Singapore approaches a swirling school of jack fish off the Malaysian island of Layang Layang, in the South China Sea April 4, 2010. Layang Layang island, a deep sea atoll off the coast of Sabah, is part of the 600 islands, reefs and shoals in the South China Sea known as the Spratlys.
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