December 01, 2021, 02:34:54 PM

Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Messages - ravi_sandhu

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 5 6 ... 27
1
Religous Videos / Re: Great Sikhism Speech By A lil Sikh Girl
« on: September 09, 2008, 05:12:50 PM »
hello
how are u

2
Gup Shup / Re: KANJAR+KANJAR=RAVI SANDHU
« on: September 06, 2008, 03:30:53 PM »
mar jao sare dub k change bhale bande nu kanjar bnata

3
Shayari / aap ko pane k baad..........
« on: September 06, 2008, 01:42:20 PM »
Kya mangu khuda se aapko pane ke baad
Kis ka karu intezar zindagi mei aapke aane ke baad.

Kyu pyar pe jaan lutate hai log,
Aaj malum huaa aapko pane ke baad.

4
Shayari / a lot of .......
« on: September 06, 2008, 01:40:45 PM »
A lot of people have
entered my life,but
1 thing remains true
i have never met a single soul
who has touched my heart like U..!


5
Gup Shup / Re: KANJAR+KANJAR=RAVI SANDHU
« on: September 03, 2008, 07:30:53 AM »
pin_de_kuri tusi v hisa paa lao pehla kami c kise gal dee gulaboo bara hassa aunda hana . preet koi na tu v karla majak . aaj aman nai bachda

6
Gup Shup / Re: KANJAR+KANJAR=RAVI SANDHU
« on: September 02, 2008, 03:37:13 PM »
yr eh aman da kam ee mai khud nu  eh kive kahu . sab  ehna  de kam ne

7
Gup Shup / Re: KANJAR+KANJAR=RAVI SANDHU
« on: September 02, 2008, 03:24:32 AM »
yr sab ne ik sareef bande nu kanjar bnata thik nai . aman teri jaan kad deni mai . mera nam la k post kart

8
Jokes Majaak / New Computer Virus Called Work
« on: November 07, 2007, 11:01:39 AM »
There is a new virus circulating. It is called "WORK." If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, or from anyone else, do not touch it under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely.

If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take two friends and go straight to the nearest bar Order drinks immediately and after three rounds, you will find that WORK has been completely deleted from your brain.

If you don't drink, check out the Dairy Queen Hot Fudge Brownie Supreme! Chocolate is a good substitute!

Forward this virus warning immediately to at least five friends. Should you realize you do not have five friends, this means you are already infected by this virus and WORK already controls your life. If this is the case, go to the nearest bar and stay until you make at least five friends or have had so much as to believe you have five friends.

I think I have five friends, but I am not entirely positive, so I'm headed for the bar anyway...it never hurts to be safe

9
Jokes Majaak / TV Better Than World Wide Web
« on: November 07, 2007, 10:59:10 AM »
Top Ten Reasons Why TV is better than the World Wide Web:

10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.
9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Not Found 404" message?
8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV -- even on MTV.
7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.
6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.
5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.
4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.
3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.
2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.

...and the number 1 reason TV is better than the Web:
1. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.


10
Jokes Majaak / Software Professional's Love Letter
« on: November 07, 2007, 10:57:40 AM »
Dear Ms.
Baby, I saw you yesterday while surfing on the local train platform and realised that you are the only site I was browsing for. For a long time, I?ve been lonely, trying to find a bug in my life and you can be a real debugger for me now. My life is just an uncompiled program without you that never produces an executable code and hence is useless.

You not only have a beautiful face, but all your Activex controls are attractive as well. Your smile is so delightful that it encourages me and gives me power equal to thousands of mainframes processing power. When you looked at me last evening, I felt all my program modules running smoothly and giving expected results, which I have never experienced before.

With this letter, I just want to convey that, if we linked together, I?ll provide you with all the objects and libraries necessary for a human being to live an error free life. Also don?t bother about the firewall, which may be created by our parents as I?ve strong hacking capabilities by which I?ll ultimately break their security passwords and make them accept our marriage.

I anticipate that nobody is already logged into your database so that my connect script would fail. And it?s all certain that if this happened to me, I will crash my system beyond recovery. Kindly interpret this letter properly and grant me all privileges of your inbox.

Only yours,

Software Professional.


11
Jokes Majaak / Phone Support
« on: November 07, 2007, 10:55:34 AM »
As a student employee for technology support at my university, I get a lot of silly people on the phone asking stupid questions. Some of my favorite calls:

1) Does the school limit the amount of Hotmail accounts I can have?

2) I broke the cup holder on my desktop, can someone come over to fix it? (by cup holder they actually meant CD drive tray, on which they'd been keeping their coffee mug!)

3) Is my printer not working because my email is bad?

4) How do I save a file? You can't save to a floppy disk, can you?

But the 'Stupid Award' goes to this one:

5) I spilled soup all over my laptop keyboard and then dropped it down the stairs. Why won't it turn on?


12
Jokes Majaak / Oldest Profession : Consultant
« on: November 07, 2007, 10:54:13 AM »
A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.

The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world."

The consultant leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"

13
Jokes Majaak / 7 Ways To Catch A Lion
« on: November 07, 2007, 10:52:26 AM »
7 ways to catch a lion.

1. Newton's Method:
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion .

2. Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also
run faster and will get tired soon.
Now you can trap it easily.

3. Schrodinger Method:
At any given moment, there is a positive probability
that lion to be in the cage.
So set the trap, sit down and wait!

4. Inverse Transformation Method
We place a spherical cage in the forest
and enter it.
Perform an inverse transformation with
respect to lion.
Lion is in and we are out.

5. Thermodynamic Procedure:
We construct a semi-permeable membrane which allows
every thing to pass it except lions.
Then sweep the entire forest with it.

6. Integration Differention Method:
Integrate the forest over the entire area.
The lion is some where in the result.
So differentiate the result PARTIALLY w.r.t lion
to trace out the lion.

7. The Banta's Method:
DON'T EVEN TRY. YOU'LL GET CAUGHT BY THE LION.

14
Jokes Majaak / Technology Mythology
« on: November 07, 2007, 10:50:19 AM »

Brahma
Systems Installation

Vishnu
Systems Administration & Support

Lakshmi
Finance and Accounts consultant

Saraswati
Training and Knowledge Management

Shiva
DBA (Crash Specialist)

Ganesh
Quality Assuarance & Documentation

Narada
Data transfer

Yama
Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant

Chitragupta
IDP & Personal Records

Apsaras
Downloadable Viruses

Devas
Mainframe Programmers

Surya
Solaris Administrator

Rakshasas
In house Hackers

Ravan
Internet Explorer WWWF

Kumbhakarnan
Zombie Process

Lakshman
Support Software and Backup Hanuman Linux/s390

Vaali
MS Windows

Sugreeva
DOS

Jatayu
Firewall

Dronacharya
System Programmer

Vishwamitra
Sr. Manager Projects

Shakuni
Annual appraisal & Promotion

Valmiki
Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)

Krishna
SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle )

Dharmaraj Yudhishthira
ISO Consultant (CMM level 5)

Arjun
Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)

Abhimanyu
Trainee Programmer

Draupadi
Motivation & Team building

Bhima
MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM

Duryodhana
Microsoft product Written in VB

Karna
Contract programmer

Dhrutarashtra
Visual C++

Gandhari
Dreamweaver

100 Kauravas
Microsoft Service Packs and patches


15
Jokes Majaak / Tech Support
« on: November 07, 2007, 10:46:31 AM »
My husband Jeff and I incurred several problems while assembling our new computer system, so we called the help desk.
The man on the phone started to talk to Jeff in computer jargon, which confused us even more. 'Sir,' my husband politely said, 'please explain what I should do as if I were a four-year-old.'
'Okay,' the computer technician replied. 'Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?'


16
Jokes Majaak / Auto Reply For Outlook
« on: November 07, 2007, 10:45:00 AM »
Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply:

I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you

You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

17
Jokes Majaak / Intelligent Life
« on: November 07, 2007, 10:42:58 AM »
It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the
scientific achievement of a lifetime.

As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Lowenstein, the head
scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a
congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States.

He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it.

"Mr. President," said Dr. Lowenstein, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of
hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent
life on Mars."

He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a
frown.

He said, "But that's impossible . . . we could never do it. . . yes Mr.
President," and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring
at him curiously.

"I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we've found
intelligent life on Mars . . . he wants us to try to find it in Congress."


18
Gup Shup / EH READ KARO TE APNE APNE VECHAR DASO
« on: November 07, 2007, 01:39:23 AM »
JE MUNDE NA HUNDE TA KURIA KI KARDEA ?

19
Jokes Majaak / Poorest people are the happiest
« on: November 07, 2007, 12:01:26 AM »
GIRL : I think the poorest
people are the happiest.

BOY : Then marry me and we'll
be the happiest couple.


20
Jokes Majaak / Meaning of wife word
« on: November 06, 2007, 11:58:16 PM »
Husband asks : do you know the meaning of wife?
it means... wihout - inoformation - fighting - everytime!

wife on hearing this says : it could be also means - with idiot for ever.


Pages: [1] 2 3 4 5 6 ... 27