How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.


How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."


How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.


What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.  ( my personal fav :pagel: )

What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?
Any place without a drive-up window.

What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.  :laugh:

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.


Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.  :laugh:

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.  Hahahaha awesome :

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.