Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.


Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.


A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because shes happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"


Love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't... you can't wait to throw up.


BEFORE MARRIAGE: Twice a night
AFTER: Twice a month


History tells a story. That's why you must always clear it before your girlfriend uses the computer.