December 23, 2024, 06:52:50 PM
collapse

Author Topic: The Truth of College  (Read 1876 times)

Offline SonnenKinder

  • PJ Gabru
  • Maharaja/Maharani
  • *
  • Like
  • -Given: 1
  • -Receive: 101
  • Posts: 10105
  • Tohar: 11
  • Gender: Male
    • View Profile
  • Love Status: Single / Talaashi Wich
The Truth of College
« on: December 06, 2009, 02:50:22 AM »

College is a bunch of rooms where you sit for 2,000 hours or so and
try to memorize things. The 2,000 hours are spread out over four
years. You spend the rest of the time sleeping, partying, and trying to
get dates.

Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college:

1. Things you will need to know in later life (two hours). 2. Things you
will not need to know in later life (1,998 hours).

The latter are the things you learn in classes whose names end in
-ology, -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is you memorize
these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget
them. If you fail to forget them, you become a professor and have to stay
in college for the rest of your life.

After you've been in college for a year or so, you're supposed to
choose a major, which is the subject you intend to memorize and
forget the most things about. Here is a very important piece of
advice: Be sure to choose a major that does not involve Known Facts
and Right Answers. This means you must not major in mathematics,
physics, biology, chemistry, or geology because these subjects
involve actual facts.

If, for example, you major in mathematics, you're going to wander
into class one day and the professor will say: "Define the cosine
integer of the quadrant of a rhomboid binary axis, and extrapolate
your result to five significant vertices." If you don't come up with
exactly the answer the professor has in mind, you fail.

The same is true of chemistry: If you write in your exam book that
carbon and hydrogen combine to form oak, your professor will flunk
you. He wants you to come up with the same answer he and all the
other chemists have agreed on. Scientists are extremely snotty about
this.

So you should major in subjects like English, philosophy, psychology, and
sociology - subjects in which nobody really understands what anybody else
is talking about, and which involve virtually no actual facts.

My friend attended classes in all these subjects, so he gave me a quick
overview of each:

ENGLISH: This involves writing papers about long books you have read
little snippets of just before class. Here is a tip on how to get good
grades on your English papers: Never say anything about a book that
anybody with any common sense would say. For example, suppose you are
studying Moby Dick. Anybody with any common sense would say Moby Dick is
a big white whale, since the characters in the book refer to it as a big
white whale roughly 11,000 times. So in your paper, you say Moby Dick is
actually the Republic of Ireland. Your professor, who is sick to death of
reading papers and never liked Moby Dick anyway, will think you are
enormously creative. If you can regularly come up with lunatic
interpretations of simple stories, you should major in English.

PHILOSOPHY: Basically, this involves sitting in a room and deciding
there is no such thing as reality and then going to lunch. You should
major in philosophy if you plan to take a lot of drugs.

PSYCHOLOGY: This involves talking about rats and dreams.
Psychologists are obsessed with rats and dreams. I once spent an
entire semester training a rat to punch little buttons in a certain
sequence, then training my roommate to do the same thing. The rat
learned much faster. My roommate is now a doctor. If you like rats or
dreams, and above all if you dream about rats, you should major in
psychology.

SOCIOLOGY: For sheer lack of intelligibility, sociology is far and
away the number one subject. I sat through hundreds of hours of
sociology courses, and read gobs of sociology writing, and I never
once heard or read a coherent statement. This is because sociologists
want to be considered scientists, so they spend most of their time
translating simple, obvious observations into scientific-sounding code.
If you plan to major in sociology, you'll have to learn to do the same
thing. For example, suppose you have observed that children cry when they
fall down. You should write: "Methodological observation of the
sociometrical behavior tendencies of prematurated isolates indicates that
a causal relationship exists between groundward tropism and lachrimatory
behavior forms." If you can keep this up for 50 or 60 pages, you will get
a large government grant.
 

Database Error

Please try again. If you come back to this error screen, report the error to an administrator.

* Who's Online

  • Dot Guests: 1335
  • Dot Hidden: 0
  • Dot Users: 0

There aren't any users online.

* Recent Posts

fix site pleae orrrr by ☬🅰🅳🅼🅸🅽☬
[November 01, 2024, 12:04:55 AM]


your MOOD now by Gujjar NO1
[October 09, 2024, 12:31:28 PM]


Best DP of the Week by Gujjar NO1
[October 08, 2024, 05:24:20 AM]


PJ te kinnu dekhan nu jii karda tuhada ??? by mundaxrisky
[September 15, 2024, 05:45:10 PM]


~~say 1 truth abt the person above ya~~ by mundaxrisky
[September 15, 2024, 05:41:15 PM]


This Site Need Fix/Update by mundaxrisky
[August 20, 2024, 04:41:58 PM]


Request Video Of The Day by mundaxrisky
[July 09, 2024, 04:24:48 PM]


Majh on sale by Gujjar NO1
[April 07, 2024, 03:08:25 PM]


Hello Old Friends/Friendaynaz by Gujjar NO1
[March 14, 2024, 03:42:51 AM]


Test, just a test by Gujjar NO1
[March 11, 2024, 12:32:30 PM]


Good morning (first word ki keha) by Gujjar NO1
[February 27, 2024, 01:10:20 AM]


Throw something at the user above u by Gujjar NO1
[February 26, 2024, 01:13:56 PM]


Just two line shayari ... by Gujjar NO1
[February 15, 2024, 10:46:34 AM]


which pj member do u miss ryt now? by ❀¢ιм Gяєωʌℓ ❀
[August 30, 2023, 03:26:27 AM]


Hello Old Friends/Friendayna by ☬🅰🅳🅼🅸🅽☬
[July 07, 2023, 08:01:42 AM]


ਚਿੱਟਾ ਤੇ ਕਾਲ਼ਾ ਆਊਡੀਓਬੂਕ by ਰੂਪ ਢਿੱਲੋਂ
[March 30, 2023, 07:50:56 PM]


What is the first thing you do, when you wake up in the morning? by Cutter
[January 12, 2023, 08:23:23 AM]


Chita Te Kala Novel Latest Review by ਰੂਪ ਢਿੱਲੋਂ
[September 14, 2022, 07:03:31 PM]


Book Review by ਰੂਪ ਢਿੱਲੋਂ
[May 19, 2022, 05:25:18 PM]


Books, Novels & Stories by ਰੂਪ ਢਿੱਲੋਂ
[May 19, 2022, 05:20:16 PM]


New Book Release: Chita Te Kala Novel by ਰੂਪ ਢਿੱਲੋਂ
[May 19, 2022, 05:06:16 PM]


What Is the Best Compliment You've Ever Received? by mundaxrisky
[October 15, 2018, 07:24:41 PM]


Last textmessage that u received by mundaxrisky
[October 15, 2018, 07:12:26 PM]


name one thing you can't live without ? by mundaxrisky
[October 15, 2018, 07:09:02 PM]


ONE thing you wish you could do RIGHT NOW... by mundaxrisky
[October 15, 2018, 07:03:57 PM]