Risky, I would try to address your questions to the best of my knowledge. I am not a saint nor hold the proper understanding of Gurbani..so please considers my reply to your questions a mere "attempt" by someone who has limited knowledge.
1)  How come women cannt lead in lavan JAD lavan ondia wa kuri nu agge kyo noi laia janda-
     This is how you view the practice of Laavan.. practice of Laavan is a sign of equality not inequality. You view it as woman being inferior since shes walking behind, what if I say I view it as a master holding the horse by its ropes. Its a matter of opinion.
Laavan da path clearly states "They are not said to be husband and wife who merely sit together. Rather they alone are called husband and wife, who share one soul in two bodies"
One soul-two bodies.. woman and man complete each other. One a separate note, the message of Laavan is for both man and woman to worship the eternal lord and stay away from deception
2)  Panj Pyare-   When the initial initiation of Khalsa happened who were the five people that stood up- Bhai Dya Singh, Bhai Dharam Singh, Bhai Himmat Singh, Bhai Sahib Singh, Bhai Mokham Singh- all males,, since then the tradition has carried on.
However the women are in no way prohibited to carry on the Amrit Sanchar or hold path of Guru Granth Sahib...
I don't know what Granthi you've met- however the Granthis I've met try to teach the lesson to both the man and the woman.. we all know for a marriage to succeed it takes an effort from both.

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On a complete separate topic.. Sikhism has always taught us to respect women.. we read it in Asa Di Waar every morning... "so kyon manda akhiye jit jamme rajan" Guru Sahib broke away from the society norms of treating women as "pairan di jutti" or "Keeping them in cover-Burkhas"
Women were given the equality to contribute to the religion- Mata Khivi ji. Whereas, in Muslims states "he had said once that it is better for the women to perform prayer at home, because there is more sawaab (reward) in that, and as we come here to earn sawaab, it is better to do this". (I do not contradict what muslims preach maybe it is the right way for them or their woman- who am I to judge). This is what Sikhi says- Bhai Gurdas ji di vaaran "Sharing in spiritual wisdom and enlightenment and with noble qualities endowed, a woman, the other half of man, escorts him to the door of liberation"
Sikhi has given the women full liberty to be on the war front as well- "Mai Bhago"- Guru Gobind Singh ji has stated the power of a woman in Dasam Granth as Chandi- Chandi- to whom devta like Indra had to go to seek protection. Countries like England have yet to declare full equality to women on the war front.
Women- Female- Maya- Chandi- are different Forms of Akal Purakh Shakti.
I do not disagree or ignore the fact how feticide and violence against woman  still exists in Punjab and Sikh families.. there is a lot of work to be done.. if every Sikh or male was to follow sikhi to the core.. they'll all be Gursikh with kesh and kirpan do the baani the path and respect women.